In May of last year, I packed everything I owned into the back of my car and left New England for good. I also said goodbye to NYC.
I broke some contracts, karmically, and put up some very strong boundaries. I had hard conversations. I stood up for myself even when it felt impossible because of anxiety or fear.
I left behind a lot of trauma, recent and past, and essentially ran away.
I drove across the country alone, sometimes in tears, sometimes laughing, sometimes angry. I just let whatever needed to come, come, and whatever needed to go, go. I was dying and birthing at rapid speed.
I got to Nashville and knew I needed to cut off all of my hair. It was keeping me up at night, this desire. All that old energy, those stories, any broken ends, I needed it all gone.
I thought I was headed for California. Truthfully, I couldn’t think of anywhere in the US I really wanted to live. I’ve always been a global babe. But I let spirit guide me, and by a strange sequence of events, I landed in New Mexico.
I arrived short-haired and shaky, knowing only one other person, having only ever been to Santa Fe one other time.
I was confused, full of catharsis, and lost for all of the structures that had given me some sense of false safety.
I was being tasked with starting my life again, perhaps truly for the first time.
I believe this can happen for many of us when we are finally ready to release the old, and traverse the bumpy luminal space that holds no promises. The only options are to cling to faith like a blanket and have a deep trust in yourself and your meaning as a sacred offering.
In the depths of confusion and pain, often the truth is revealed. Sometimes we need to be reduced to the bare nothingness and robust fullness of our own existence to realize that we have everything we need.
I believe 2018 holds this same key for many people.
If you are in an in-between space, appreciate it.
You will feel at home again, and in fact, you’re already there.
And I promise, your hair will grow back.
I remember this place. When I use to smoke, Kaune’s was the place to go across from the capitol to grab a pack of cigarettes. My poor lungs... lol. Or when my friends couldn’t leave the office during session so I would run over. Memories... 😌😊🤦🏻♀️ #memories#thinking#remember
We went to @meow__wolf yesterday and entered a different dimension. One of the most insane and beautiful experiences to date so far. It’s really one of the coolest venues and I’m already wanting to plan a trip there again. It’s so much more than just psychedelic madness. The story is nuts and we’re not even half way to figuring it out. We’re driving home today, and once I get home it’s back to work! 🤣 so much art to do in so little time! 😅 #meowwolf#psychadelic#excusetotakeselfies#art#artists#insanity#poweron !