Wow!! What a night with the wonderful @emmykilby!! As most of you know I just got over a major surgery on my second bicep tear. Tonight was my first night back and can't believe what came easy and what didn't. A long road to get back in shape, but it felt good to be back in the gym doing what I love!! #stunt#handinhand#roundoff#rewind#cheer#recovery
No matter what, always remember this! Keep your head up and push yourself in the positive direction 🙃 always move forward 👍
If you had a bad day, brush it off! Every day is a new chance.
Who's ready to crush it tomorrow? 🙌
Nearly everyday somebody in my community is dying from alcoholism/addiction. It's become traumatizing to watch my feed, people left hurt, confused, wondering if they could've done more...perhaps some are relieved that their loved one is no longer suffering. Although, they would do anything to bring them back. Some are more shocking than others but in reality addiction is like that. Unpredictable. It truly is devastating to witness.
On the flip side there are thousands of people here in Utah in recovery, I know hundreds of them. Largely affected by both mental health and addiction. And, it's inspiring to watch them learn to live, to cope, to thrive, to advocate and help others.
In gratitude and service to my own recovery I continue to show up and spent 9 years on an education to learn the best way for ME to make a difference. 🌎 I am blessed to do that in many capacities.
National Recovery Day is an opportunity for ALL of us to come together, to seek support (have fun and rally)!!!!!!! For those of us in recovery (whatever that looks like for you),families, social services, treatment, legislators, law enforcement, etc. everyone in support is invited! Come and learn about prevention, treatment and recovery support!
Lost in my thoughts today
I've questioned myself a lot today.
I've asked myself if this move was supposed to made, if everything's going to be okay, if I'm okay... just so many things racing through my mind.
I've been a little disconnected from everything lately but honestly it's been freeing. I've been feeling the pressure to be perfectly imperfect; and by that I'm talking through the social media. The pressure to be active 24/7 or your voice no longer matters. The pressure to be IN the shit all the time or you're no longer apart.. it's disheartening.
I love this community more than anything, at times it's saved my life. But one thing I have to remind myself through this platform is even through the realness, instagram is not real life. My connection with some people are REAL, my feelings are real, my words are real, my messages are real; I am real and raw. BUT due to my lack of in depth of posts - lately I've lost a bit of followers and I found myself upset about it. NOT because the number of followers matter to me (the number absolutely is not my reason for my platform) rather it upsets me because I feel like I'm not reaching anyone anymore, or no one genuinely gives a shit anymore... ||
It's displeasing to feel this way and I want to connect with those and I want people to read my messages because what I say matters, what someone feels matters, and how I impact people and if I can make a difference matters. I love all of you and hope you still know even if I'm smiling or happy - I'm still struggling, I'm not cured by a life changing move or a genuine smile I'm still me, struggling but surviving.
It's okay to take a break of in depth messages because sometimes it takes a lot in you to write personal feelings. I hope you know it's okay to struggle and smile at the same time. I hope you know I still care about you if you're active or not - I think about you all a lot even if I don't interact I will always love and support you and I would hope you would feel the same.
Love you all immensely. Stay beautiful 🌸
LUNCH AFTER WEIGH IN 😍😍 I did gain thankfully but usually after I gain ed makes me restrict for a bit but luckily I kicked that habit in the butt today 💪👊 I had 6 pieces of pizza and all my dessert, it was a massive challenge but so worth it! Also at weigh on when I stood up my blood pressure dropped an huge amount they nearly had to call a doctor in. 🙃🙁
LOVE BOMBING = INSINCERE. They don't love you, they don't even like you, but they do envy you and they want your accolades, money, materials possessions, and happiness. And, they'll go to great lengths to pretend to be the soulmate you always dreamed of, convince you YOU'RE THE EXCEPTION TO THE RULE, and tell you all their exes were crazy, needy, or jealous. What you don't realize at the time is you're next. You're not their partner, you're their victim. They are predators, they preyed on your empathy, compassion, and need for love. They love to watch you grapple for their affection as they take it away and focus on their new "incredible, amazing, perfect love of their life!" Lucky for me, I never grappled or begged, I walked. Unlucky for my replacement, he's repeating the exact same pattern as he did with myself and all his exes. It's always just a matter of time. #narcissist#narcissisticabuse#mentalhealth#mentalillness#mentalhealthawareness#recovery#thriver#newday#nocontact#leavethepastbehind#rearview
Everybody this is my father. Through a large portion of his life he has struggled with dependency. It eroded a lot of things for him,his health, his relationships, his outlook.
My father over the last week has made a concerted, powerful effort on his road to recovery. For the last two weeks, water has filled that metal cup I was so worried about whenever I came home. I've gotten to sit down and feel calm at night. There's this guy who's my best friend and we get to watch movies together and talk about life. I can't tell you the feeling of hearing your sober father laugh or smile but it makes me want to cry it's so incredible.
He probably will not like that I'm posting this about him, but I am PROUD this man is my father. Because who else would get knocked down so many times and get back up and push forward.
Love you Salim Tabani. You inspire me man. #recovery#addiction#sobriety#dads#proud#flaws#loveyou
Anxiety and depression are debilitating at times. It has been for me. There are days I don't want to get out of bed, shower, talk to anyone other than my cat, or eat nutritious foods. For me, anxiety and depression tell me I am not good enough. It tells me no one wants to talk to me. It tells me I matter less than others. It makes me feel scared. Living with mental illness IS scary. It is a struggle. I don't always feel like myself. Some days will be better than others. Some days all you have is the sun fading in the horizon and gratitude for making it through another day.
i had a wonderful road trip with my dad today 🚗 and i'm proud to say that i also went swimming for the third time this year/since weight restoration! 🏊it helped that me and my dad were the only ones in the pool, but i set aside my nerves and CONQUERED that fear today!!! 🏊 i've done pretty well with my eating today, and i'm feeling pretty good. body image is still down and mood wavers, but my doc upped my cipralex prescription to the max dose (she also said i can start exercising!!) so i hope that will help. 🏊 sometimes i feel i only talk about how great im doing on here, and i don't mean to do that at all. i've been struggling with body image and feelings of relapse since early july (yall had to witness my dramatic ass having a breakdown 😂), but i'm doing my best to hang in there day by day! 🏊 we can do this, warriors! 💕#weightrestored#anorexiarecovery#eatingdisorderrecovery#edrecovery#anarecovery#eatingdisorder#ana#anorexia#anxiety#bpd#recovery#edwarrior#bopo#bopowarrior#bodypositive#bodyacceptance#SWIMMING
On the course for some continued mobility, stability, focus...who am I kidding...just plain 'ol good time after some focused and intense sessions @paradigm_performance_center ⛳️⚾️ #athlete#active#recovery#golf#baseball#life
Great session tonight! Pumped arms, then tested my knee for a run. I was a hit worried at first but as I ran it started to loosen up. Feels better now after the run than it has for two weeks. So glad to be able to run again. Gotta get training for the 5k I signed up for. #workout#gains 💪 #swole#makinggains#running#recovery#first5k
"Never apologize for being sensitive or emotional. Let this be a sign that you've got a big heart and aren't afraid to let others see it. Showing your emotions is a sign of strength." - Brigette Nicole ✨ I'm not sure if anyone else is a compulsive apologizer, but I sure am 🙋🏻 However, I am learning that there is space for me and all my feelings in this world. My emotions are a gift, not a weakness. There is space for you too. This on repeat all day every day 💕
Can we get an amen on this?
How many of us lose our power to these invisible thoughts?
Have you noticed that there is a mental dialogue going on inside your mind that never stops? It simply keeps on going. It has something to say for everything. How much of what it says is true, and helpful or even important?
Graphic! Please don't scroll through these while eating or if you get grossed out easily!
My surgery yesterday went well, they removed some scar tissue on my fallopian tube and a giant cyst on my other fallopian tube. There wasn't as much visable scar tissue as they thought there would be, so they are running a test on some tissue (I'll have results in a week) to see if the normal looking tissue is possibly endometriosis also. The last photo is what they did to me for my procedure, they filled my stomach with Co2 gas and did a laparoscopy, it's not nearly as painful as my hernia surgery, it is really painful though. I've been sleeping a lot today but managed to shower (with help) and walk around a little. I'm barely eating though, my appetite is almost nonexistent. I want the idea of food but eating seems almost like a chore lol. My stomach hurts so bad when I laugh or tense up, I could just cry. I hate taking opioids but sometimes it's really necessary. •