🏆💕Here I am 16+ years later. The last 3.5 years have been spent in intensive treatment. It might not look like a huge difference, but these two girls are lifetimes apart. I had no idea who I was for so long, over half my life.
*IMPORTANT NOTE: This is just one representation of what someone with an eating disorder can look like. You do not have to be underweight to have an ED or to be diagnosed & receive treatment. There are so many people who don't seek help because they think they are "not sick enough". You can be any shape, size, race, gender, sexuality, religion, etc. and have an ED.
I just want to talk about recovery for a min. Every single one of you deserve to have control of your life without your disorder, addiction, etc.
I didn't even know I had an ED until I went to my initial treatment assessment. I just thought that my fear of food was the way I was & I had to deal with it. I remember the clinician saying to my parents, "she's really sick" & the hot tears that streamed down my face.
She told us I needed to go into a partial hospital program. I needed a strict meal plan. A therapist, a dietician & a team of professionals to help me beat my ED.
I'm honestly crying as I write this because holy shit, I've come so far. To all of you who are afraid to be honest with yourself, with your family, friends about the way you live because you're scared to gain weight, to all of you who are afraid of what your life will be like without your ED--I have been in your shoes. I have been right there & it is terrifying. It's embarrassing, it's shaming, it's letting go of life as you know it.
Know that asking for help, being honest & opening up is a sign of strength. It's incredibly powerful & I am so proud of every single one of you who have chosen recovery.
It is hard work. I quit so many times during treatment but I never gave up.
You have to be ready to do it for you. You have to want to recover for YOU.
I still have hard days, weeks, months, but they are manageable now.
Resources: @neda / @projectheal & click the link in my bio for an extensive list of support programs/organizations
💕YOU HAVE THE POWER
I believe in all of you💕
It’s okay to cry.
It’s okay not to be okay.
Right now, this very second, I’m not.
It’s okay to let out whatever emotion is inside of you.
It’s okay to shout, scream, and sob.
My mental illness is tough, it’s horrific, it’s life ruining, it’s relationship destroying, it’s torturous; but fuck I’m a warrior.
A fucking storm.
Right now, the light is dim.
But tomorrow, the sun will rise.
You wanna know something I think a lot about? Something I never thought much about at ALL before recovery?
How my body’s changed.
Not “how my body’s CHANGED,” but “HOW my body’s changed.”
Does that make any sense?
I don’t mean how my thighs have gotten bigger, or how my belly has gotten softer, I’m talking about the way my brain processes the things about me that are different, and how those changes came about.
I was older than some, 24, when my anorexia reared it’s head but it had been hibernating in the quiet comfort of diet culture and socially ingrained fatphobia since I was a little girl. And I was even older when I started recovery.
👉🏼 But something I never realized until later was that my body wasn’t a static thing.
It grows. It ages. It expands and it shrinks and it bends. My body now does not look like the body I had at age 8 or 18, and nor will it look like the body I exist in at 48 or 88. 🙌🏼 MY BODY IS MINE AND IT GROWS WITH ME. 🙌🏼
By trying to hold on to the idea that I need to look a certain way to be happy, by believing the lie that only thinness and youngness is beautiful, that sets me up for FAILURE from day one. I cannot possibly attain the distorted, disordered ideal that society and my anorexia want me to.
I am not a model in a magazine. I am not a mannequin with disproportionately sculpted features. I will not forever look 18 years old.
And REALIZING this was game-changing. ⚡️ Because THE MOMENT WE STOP TRYING TO TURN OURSELVES INTO SOMETHING ELSE is the MOMENT WE CAN START LOVING WHO WE ARE. ⚡️
It took me so long to be able to look in the mirror and say, Gina, you’re a 31 year old woman who’s trying her best and you are fucking sexy because of that, inside and out.
But I got there.
Not every day, not all the time,
but I’ve got the rest of my life to keep trying.
Comment “MATCHES” letter by letter!
LA may be known for its iconic pink wall but my local Pet Barn in Aus has a killaaa yellow wall!!⚡️🍋🐝🌻🌼✨
Shoes & bodysuit: @boohooaus
Lower body!! Here are 3 of my favourite exercises from yesterday’s leg day 💪🏼 Second exercise is such a GREAT hamstring burnout for the end of your workout! TRY IT OUT! 3sets until failure 🔥🔥
I talk about health a lot, but when I mention being healthy, I mean more than just the physical body.
Health is more than how you look and feel physically.
Health is about your mind, body, and spirit.
And some days, not all of those things are in line.
And that’s okay.
The thing with depression/ mental illness is, it doesn’t ask you “is now a good time?” Do you want to spend tomorrow or Friday crying in bed?
Are you ready to spend today fake smiling?
*lights, camera, action*
You go and you keep going and you keep going and going.
Mental health is a bit of a taboo because it is misunderstood.
People who don’t understand will say, snap out of it or cheer up.
Not because they don’t care, but only because they do not understand.
And that’s okay.
Know that if you’re struggling out there- I understand you and my heart is with you.
Take care of your mental health in order to continue taking care of your physical health.
It may not be easy and it may take time, but things will get better.
Just know that you are understand by some of us.
You’re not crazy.
You’re not alone.
You are needed and loved.
When I find myself falling into the darkness I talk about it to people who understand. I get out in nature. I sleep. I drink water and I start listing all the beautiful things in my life I have. I draw. I sing. I write about it.
It’s not a remedy that may work for you, but it’s how I cope.
Finding a coping method is just as important as making a plan for the Gym. It’s essential to being successful in this. And you can be successful. You can. You can. You can.
That’s my “health” tip for the day, and I hope those of you who need it take it into consideration and know I love you dearly.
And those of you who do understand, thank you for understanding.❤️
“I'd rather obese people hear criticism and be unhappy, than be dead. You should think the same way if you care about them.” Shame does not instigate change. And no, it’s not just about a fat person being “unhappy” if met with hate; it’s deeper than that. People die due to depression. People die due to bullying. If you cared, truly cared, you would value both a person’s physical and mental health.
Most people don’t choose to gain weight. Weight gain can be caused by stress, a response to medications, genetics, traumatic experiences, mental health issues, physical health issues, etc. Weight gain isn’t a joke; it can be a sign that something serious is going on with the individual.
So you’re not being “real” or “just honest” or “helpful” if you shame, hate or bully. You’re perpetuating the problem.
If you want to help, better yourself. Find out where all of your hate and anger comes from, and explore that. Hurt people hurt people, so you can shame people for their appearances all you’d like, but at the end of the day, you’re hurting emotionally, mentally, and perhaps even physically too, as I can’t see it of course because health can’t always be seen. Health is an individual’s journey and needs to be addressed as a whole. And no one is obligated to provide you, a stranger on the internet, with their health records.
I don’t share my therapy sessions publicly because I don’t owe it to anyone to share it. But guess what? Health concern trolls ask me all the time if I’m getting checked out for physical health issues, but they never ask me for my progress in therapy or a brain scan of how mental illness affects my brain. That right there proves the lack of true concern. You can’t separate out mental and physical health, especially when there is a history of mental illness; nearly everything health wise intertwines. Mental health is just as valuable as physical health.
At the end of the day, you don’t know every single detail of my health by just looking at me, and I don’t know yours either. And I’m fine with not knowing your health because I worry about and am taking care of my own, because it’s my responsibility - not yours.
15 minutes in an ice bath may seem like a long time, but after the first minute or two of the #wimhofmethod it becomes easy to separate from the sensation. Just another mental challenge to find comfort in discomfort. #cold#icebath#recovery#oxygen#warmth
2017 was one of my most challenging years when, in the beginning, I wasn't certain that I'd make it. 2017 was also my best year because I faced the person I feared the most: myself. In doing so, I forgave, learned, grew, got sober, got stronger, but most of all, I started to believe in myself and I gave myself the courage to pursue my goals and dreams. Truthfully, some days are difficult; I question myself and wonder if I'm making the right choice. Sometimes the temptation to give up on my dream is strong but then I remember the passion I've found burning deep inside of me at my very core. I fall, I fail, I look silly, and that's okay because I remember what I came from, what I grew up in, what I went through, and now I see it was preparing me for this very moment in time. With that knowledge, I believe I must give my all, my best, every day and trust the outcome will be for my good no matter what it is. I'm grateful to have a man, a partner, who loves me unconditionally and believes in me absolutely. I love you @steven151210 #recovery#healing#ppdrecovery#livingsober#alive#grateful#blessed#thankful
#motivationmonday is here again ❤💪❤
People want to grow and develop. We dream about becoming better persons, living our lives differently, we pursue happiness but we are afraid to change things. People like routines because those make us feel safe and give a feeling of being in control. But what we often forget is that SAME WAYS DOES NOT GIVE US ANYTHING NEW! Same habits keep our days the same. YOU CAN'T GROW IF YOU DON'T CHANGE!❤
Sometimes and maybe even too often people associate change = bad. We are afraid of losing the feeling of control and too often we start to control wrong things. Life happens. YOU CAN'T CONTROL THINGS WHAT AREN'T YOURS TO CONTROL! Life goes on all the time and you can't try to stop it. You grow with it. IT'S OK TO BE SCARED BUT IT'S NEVER OK TO STOP LIVING YOUR LIFE IN A WAY YOU WANT!❤💪❤ WE HAVE THIS ONE LIFE AND ONE LIFE ONLY!❤ IT'S MORE THAN OK TO LET YOURSELF TO GROW AND GROWTH NEEDS CHANGES!❤ YOU CREATE YOUR LIFE AND YOUR HAPPINESS!❤ YOU ARE THE BOSS NOT A VICTIM!❤ #LOVE AND #POWER TO YOUR NEW WEEK AND #MONDAY ❤💪❤
*((please do not mind the mess in the background. This is my husband's garage bathroom!))*I've not posted any "body check" pics in a while. I do not ever see any change in the way I look anyways, but I have people that doubt the authenticity of my ED... Not like a fucking picture proves anything. I shouldn't even have to prove a Damn thing to anyone- but yeah... Here is my current body... Gross. My belly is disgusting to me. I am bloated ((for several reasons😒)) I can go on and on... But I won't. I have only consumed 243 calories this weekend. For me, that's crazy low. I still so no difference. And the battery in my scale died!!!!! I'm freaking out, my husband said he will go get me a new one tomorrow... I am going to do my best to get him to do it tonight. I HAVE to know what I weigh. I apologize if this is triggering to anyone or if I upset/offended anyone. Having an eating disorder is NOT something I would make up. Who the fuck would want/choose this life of daily self torture?? As I said i should not have to prove a damn thing to anyone. I am an open book on my IG. I am told daily that my honesty is inspiring... If there's any thing "fake" on here, it would be my earliest posts. I was all smiles and "picture perfect" I used to put up a front for the world. I rarely spoke of my drug use or having an eating disorder. Until one day I mentioned my ED, and suddenly I was "meeting" others who felt my pain. It gave me the strength to tell my stories, to hold nothing back... To try to heal, and to finally release years of silence. And I learned that I am still loveable. That I am accepted as I am- my broken brain and all... So to those that doubt me, I am not fake anymore. This is the real me. ✌#sober#soberlife#sobermovement#newme#eatingdisorderrecovery#edrecovery#thisisme#onedayatatime#sobriety#cleanandsober#drugfree#mia#morethananumber#youarenotalone#eatingdisorder#healing#hugsnotdrugs#truth#nevertoolate#strength#youcandoit#miarecovery#rebuild#yourlife#recoveryisworthit#strong#drugabuse#newlife#recovery#recoveryispossible
Kinda didn’t want to workout this morning. But I “5 second ruled” myself into it. ✊🏽Found a short 🕣one...only needed this one resistance band...and pressed play ▶️. Having HUNNDREDSSS of different workouts at my fingertips makes this journey SO much easier. I’m kinda jumping around doing different workouts from different programs this month...as I wait for our brand new program to launch in January. I have been excited 🤸🏽♀️🤸🏽♀️and waiting months for it, after trying it during its sneak peek week!
I’ll be running a brand new accountability group in January. If you’d like some info on how to join me just ask! I won’t pull you. 🙅🏽♀️I won’t push you. 🙅🏽♀️But if you are ready to put in the work I WILL coach and support you.🤜🏽🤛🏽
Thank the Lord for this natural anti-inflammatory, as my not-used-to-lots-of-physical-activity body recovers from my run yesterday... No side effects like your typical OTC! It has only 4 natural ingredients, one of which is this AMAZING enzyme called serrapeptase.... yeah, a mouthful, but google it if you’re curious. It basically digests dead inflamed tissue so it can help with immediate or chronic inflammation. It’s helped me fight off a cold this weekend and my muscles bounce back much quicker than they would have at my age ☺️ My crunchy heart loves these natural products that promote healing from the inside out!! 💪🏼💪🏼 #inflammation#antiinflammatory#recovery#happyhealthy#healthyfromtheinsideout#naturalhealing#naturalantiinflammatory#musclerecovery
I was just gifted this by the #artist . It means a lot to me as it is representative of my ongoing #recovery from childhood trauma. #Dragons turned up in my subconscious during #EMDR therapy and now stand for #mastery over abuse (to me, anyway). After she gifted this to me she took my hand and said “to flaming barf”. Amen.#dragon#mastery#fireandblood