It's been a running joke in my family that there are tons of pictures of Jessica as a kid, a reasonable amount of Samantha, and barely any of me; by the time my parents got to me they were tired of taking pictures. The only picture of me as a kid that I ever thought of was the one my Dad still has on his fridge, and it just so happens to be my earliest memory of being anxious. It's of me and both my sisters with a family friends dog. Both my sisters were right next to each other, smiling ear to ear, and I was off to the side with my head down, hands crossed in my lap and stone faced. I remember it clear as day, I was panicking because I didn't know whose dog it was or why it was there, and I was too afraid to ask. Thinking of that picture always made me think that I didn't smile much as a kid, just stayed quiet and reserved, and I always folded my hands when I was nervous.
Today, Jessica sent me these pictures and I was in shock. Having seen them now, I remember most of them, but I honestly couldn't remember smiling all that much or even being happy as a kid. I've been saying these past few weeks that this is the first time in my life that I've been truly happy, but I guess I was wrong. Although it kind of proves what I've been saying over and over; you can't "go looking" for the Blue Sky, because it's already within you. You've just covered it up with clouds.