I thought I was getting better... Like I had genuinely tricked myself into thinking I was better. But the last night... Last night when I realized I had been to busy crying over you that I forgot to eat, or shower, or even try being happy. It wasn't your fault. I had gotten my hopes up when you told me from the beginning that it probably wouldn't happen. I don't remember the last time I actually ate. Like ate real food, not just a snack. I had to force myself into the shower and it was so draining. I have had to restrain myself from breaking the razor I am not supposed to have. I have been telling myself life is worth living. I have had to put on an act around my parents so they think I am okay. But I am breaking and no one seems to notice and I just want it all to stop. No one cares unless you are pretty or dead and I am neither. So maybe... Just maybe you'll care once I'm gone... But what is the point of that? What is the point of caring about someone who is already gone? It won't bring them back to life. It won't change the fact you didn't help them while they were alive. By the time you start caring about people, you are to late.
#selfharm#rant#suicidal#addicted#tolate#kissme .never #help#care#control#cutting#blood#depression#anxiety