my favorite teacher offered to drive me to school, she's one of the kindest people i've ever met. she's one of the few people i trust telling my problems to. she's such a great person, i'll never forget her and her kindness.
it's a shame i'm moving back with my dad
Gelato a mezzanotte, preso con gli amici e senza pensieri (forse anche perché oggi non ho avuto modo di fare merenda...), gusti nerissimo🍫 e nocciola vegana🌰🌱. Squisito a dir poco!😍. Dopo abbiamo fatto un giro a Santa Caterina e siamo tornati al villaggio alle 2. Sono stanca morta, quindi vi auguro la buonanotte 💜
Так и не расскал о своем перелете, хотя планировал это сделать еще давно. Люблю самолеты и летать на них, чуть меньше - поезда из-за духоты и зачастую долгого переезда. Лежишь себе или сидишь, смотришь в окно, музыку слушаешь, читаешь или спишь. Мне нравится. Но, к сожалению, в этот раз летел по середине, хотя меня это не особо напрягало. Единственное, не вытянуть ноги из-за рюкзака под сидением и некуда закинуть голову.
Самолетная еда тоже не порадовала: в обоих случаях пересоленный сендвич с ветчиной из индейки (который я даже есть не стал), хотя летел я в противоположное время суток. Все ждал ночью этого "курица, говядина или рыба?", в надежде хотя бы в этом покапаться.
А, кстати, никогда не берите в самолете кофе - кислый и одновременно ужасно горький. На счет чая не знаю, ибо когда летел второй раз, то предпочел воду и колу.
Уж не знаю, буду ли сегодня ложиться спать. Сейчас без двадцати минут пять. Утром, или как проснусь, напишу пост со своими планами как на счет питания, так и дальнейшего...существования в этом городе, а так же на счет школы и почему я, сука, так туда не хочу. ☆
Ugggh I'm so fat. I gave up on losing weight a long time ago. When school starts again I'm going to make myself lose weight. By the time homecoming is I want to be 125 (or happy with how my body looks)
He buscado tantas veces la manera de expresar mi disconfirmidad y he encontrado este medio para poder soltar como un diario; sin necesariamente tener que lastimarme.
Amor es lo que busco, pero tengo demasiado, busco del propio, del que deberia ser incondicional y siempre estar, pero la comida me quita todo el amor que deberia tenerme, al igual que todo el resto se tiene
Monday, 21 August 2017
#dinner was this #vietnamese savory #crepe stuffed with bean sprouts, pork, and shrimp 🦐 It's called #banhxeo , due to the sizzling sound it makes when the crepe batter hits the pan 🍳 This dish was really fulfilling, and I am a happy girl 😊💕
Hello all! This morning and afternoon was kinda hard meal wise due to having to be up at 2 am and flying home. But my first dinner back at home was delicious and I finished it all, even though it was so huge and I feel so guilty. My mom made me have a huge dessert tonight also to make up for breakfast and lunch. Feeling super guilty, hopefully therapy tomorrow helps. Just going to sleep it off now. -
Breakfast: strawberry cheesecake quest bar
Lunch: halfish of a chicken ceaser salad (this is the first time I've had ceaser dressing in recovery and even though it was such a tiny bit it killed my stomach)
Dinner: lean turkey on half a bun (!) And a pickle (this was so huge omfg but I had mustard and hot sauce to get me through it 😋)
Dessert: skinny cow ice cream sandwich with (wait for it) the usual whipped cream, rainbow sprinkles, and 3 candy corns (oh how I missed my desserts) -
Lunch today was a Super Burrito 🌯 from @traderjoes and a chocolate sea salt @rxbar 🍫. Then I came home and ate a fig and a random piece of bread 😝 because bread is life 😋Anyways I love the Super Burrito from Trader Joe's even though I would never eat it during my ED because there were "waaaaaay too many carbs" (sweet potato! quinoa! all wrapped in a carby tortilla!) but heck it is so delicious and I need those carbs! Carbs are the body's main source of fuel and especially for someone who just finished a long run inbred this! Don't get me wrong though, even if you don't exercise, you still need carbs! Fuel your body and you'll feel so much more energized because it has easily accessible energy and you'll be ready to take on the world 💪🏼 also we watched the solar eclipse while I was running lol we took turn wearing solar classes! It was kind of disappointing because I'm in SoCal and we only get a 60% eclipse 🤷🏻♀️ oh well 🌒#burrito#rxbar#superfood#traderjoes#fearfood#recoverywin#carbs
WE GOT OUR PUPPY EARLY TODAY! - I went to meet him for the first time! Because he was born just before I went into hospital when I was really sick and was in and out for a week, before I got held in. So I met him and they said we could take him home!! I'm so happy, we needed something like this after all the shit we've both had to go through cause it's not just the ED suffer who is affected.. Friends, family, partners, husbands, wives almost everyone close to you is affected sadly. So im so glad there's a little glint of joy in our lives again! So content :) #ed#edrecovery#anorexia#anorexiarecovery#bpd#bipolardisorder
v important PSA 🐕 (Popcorn Service Announcement):
i do not understand you humans; how you can be so enamored with all these celestial happenings, yet in this exponentially V A S T universe... you still feel too big. or too much. or like a waste of space. i don't understand how you could even possibly believe that there isn't anywhere you fit or belong in this big wide world. so the next time you feel overwhelmed, have some compassion with yourself; remind yourself of how infinitesimally small we ALL are. and, without invalidating your feelings, how truly insignificant many of the things you upset yourselves over are as well. i do sure hope you enjoyed the eclipse though, i know i enjoyed getting out of the shop for a few minutes with my human so she could sneak a peek 🌒🤸🏼♀️🐕💕 #shopgirlz4lyfe
xoxo, gossip dog
(feat: my Favorite™ satellite ear; JFC this dog kills me)
You know that feeling you get?
That feeling where it's like you're watching everyone's life through some dirty, fake, tainted glass.
That feeling that you're invisible, unseen and unclear to the world; like you don't even matter.
That feeling where you can't even understand the human beings around you,
Are they from a different planet?
What language are they speaking?
Because I swear you're sitting right next to me but the way you're talking makes you seem eons away.
That feeling where no one understands you,
or you don't understand anyone else.
That moment where you feel like a bystander,
watching through a movie screen,
as the others live their lives,
play their games,
and catch their fun.
That moment has been with me for days and months
its creeping up me like a pariah.
Making me feel,
no making me un-feel.
I am isolated,
isolated by myself.
They say no man is an island,
Well i am no island,
But i am a black house on a road with colorful apartments
all changing their decorations as the year passes
But i still remain,
black and alone.
sad and isolated.
I would ask for help but
they wouldn't understand.
Tea was a ham toastie and a cuppa up at my grandma's 🌸 -
-Update with TW
-I see my nurse in the morning and I'm actually pretty relieved that it's tomorrow. Since Friday when I had that meal out I've just spiralled a Bit and have barley eaten anything since then. That night was probably the worst night that I've had in a long time. It was all going smoothly until my cousin said how much weight I've gained since he last saw me which of course made me so anxious and upset that I got up and left in tears. I came back in hoping that everyone had finished as I hadn't driven in and had to rely on my grandma to get me home so just as I came in they were ordering pudding. I had a scoop of mango sorbet just to make it a tad easier around my family but that turned out bad and came up. Since then I only had a cup of tea yesterday and what I've posted today. Thoughts to do something very dangerous are so intense at the moment too and I feel like anything I see turns into a thought of me harming myself with it. I don't know whether to tell my nurse any of this tomorrow either because I'm trying to get my license back and I don't want anything to jeopradise it in anyway.