Brussels sprouts. You hate them or you love them. I love it. 😍Today, I went to my psychologist and they finally agreed with giving me the EMDR treatment. First, they wanted to kick me out of their treatment and send me back to an eatingdisorder clinic again bc of my weight. But I convinced them by telling: I'm gaining weigh again and I want to gain. I just don't want another symptom-solving treatment since my ed isn't in charge anymore. So after all those years of shitty treatments, I start with something which will probably help me 💪🏼 Have a nice evening loves 💞
Messy snacks are the best snacks - -
I have been thinking a lot recently and have come to the conclusion that there is absolutely no point in skimping in any way, shape, or form. Where will it actually get me?? Well, for one, i won't gain as quickly, therefor meaning i am trapped like this for longer, secondly, i will be sad because food is yummy and missing out on it makes me very upset indeed, thirdly, WHAT IS THE POINT? Why am i doing it? Because i want to lose weight? No, i don't. Because it makes me feel safe? In control, No, being told what to do isn't control. Because... Because.... THERE IS NO RATIONAL REASON. You want to reach your goals? Eat? You need to gain weight? Eat. You need to maintain your current weight? Eat. Your hungry? Eat. Your not hungry but want to eat..... I wonder what you do........ Oh! Thats right, YOU EAT. Food is fuel, food is fun and more importantly, it's bloody delicious.
Sorry for being mega in active have had a lot of college work to catch up on and it been a bit rough with my parents but hopefully things are a bit less chaotic. I went to psychotherapy this morning which was helpful I really like the woman as she doesn't focus on my ed which I find great more about feeling which gives me an hour a week to discuss feeling which I find really use full. I see daune and Anna on Thursday his week which also is really helping me as I still struggling with exercise and even though I have been eating semi normally lately I am eating the amount I would if I want using my brain or spending hours in college so having a dieticic meeting in a few weeks. I still find it hard to see past the numbers and eat unmonitored so Thursday Friday is the hardest day of the week due to just been alone. Relationships in college have been really good and I feel like I have fitted in its funny someone said 'see you tomorrow meg' which actually made my day!😂 I really enjoyed this bar but I found it a challenge due to calories what I think I'm going to do is try not to get hooked on chocolate and crisps because when I was overweight I was living an really unhealthy way I need to make sure I don't become overweight but at the same time make sure I eat. Nuts and bars and fruit get me through college. Part of me who love chocolate now and again but I also blame biscuits and chocolate for the fact I'm now weight restored😕
Hope you all had a lovely day and showed your head who's boss!!😘💪❤
Random thing a friend passed out during a lesson which stupidly I found triggering something I do miss is the empty and numbness which I used to have.
Überbackener Quinoa mit Gemüse gabs heute zum Abendessen (zum Mittagessen auch 😌) Ist ein Rezept von meiner Mutter (selbst ausgedacht und improvisiert haha) aber schmeckt echt gut !
Obwohl ich am Anfang echt große Schwierigkeiten hatte mir eine 'normal große Portion' auf meinen Teller zu tun da Quinoa und Reis momentan noch nicht so gut gehen bei mir, hatte ich am Ende sogar zwei volle Teller 😅🍚🥙
19.9.17 | My diner from a few days ago. 🤓 It was a mix of spinach, tofu, mushrooms, grilled cherry tomatoes and sweet potato 🌱
The start of today was quite terrible. There was basically another shit argument with my step father, who's declared I had no right to intervene in a conversation at the dinner table. I was meant to "shut up and eat". He said I wasn't behaving like an adult (meaning: I don't have a job and pay for my own stuff so I'm a child. Oh, and my ED's made up so I can just laze around and my mum is so naive she believes I'm actually ill. 😜 What a moron...) anyway. For the first time I was able to stand up for myself. Usually I just go to my room to purge/cry because recently (since starting on recovery) I've been extremely sensitive and crying a lot, while I normally am a pretty private person emotion-wise. But this time I didn't. I started asking for reasons behind his anger. I told him I was ready to talk calmly and sort out the problem but was wondering what the reproaches were. His reply was "Yeah, like you're so innocent you don't already know, of course." Which I really don't. 😅 So he refused to discuss the matter (who's not behaving like an adult now, I wonder...)... My psychiatrist (with whom I conveniently had an appointment today) said he was refusing to explain because he didn't actually have anything legitimate to reproach. She said the problem isn't me, it's something going on between him and my mum, and probably some personal stuff he's going through as well. Which doesn't excuse anything. I cried a lot but she helped massively and told me my efforts regarding food were still really great. Which was very much needed. Anyway. I am proud for not letting it affect my eating, as I almost, very very almost gave in and purged. So go me! I've got this and a few moronic, unfair and nasty comments aren't gonna stop me. 💪🏻🌱🌿🌻 #mentalhealth#mentalillness#anxiety#distortedmirror#dysmorphia#bodyimageissues#ed#edrecovery#eatingdisorder#eatingdisorderrecovery#anorexia#anorexianervosa#anorexiarecovery#recovery#recoveryispossible#recoveryisworthit#fabulousnotfat#staystrong
🌤#dinner was two soy sausages (@halsanskok) 🌱potato and apple salad🥔🍎, and some spinach 🍃+ a glas of milk🥛
School didn't go that well. I ate my snack but I couldn't bring my bar, even though I had bought some, but I just couldn't bring myself to it. At math class I went to get some stuff that I've forgotten in my bag and I just had a mental breakdown it feels like. So I went to speak with my principal so from now on we're going to take this with school veeeeery slowly. I'm allowed to go at four classes a week, IF I have the strength to. And then she said that it's best that I don't eat with so many people so I'll tell her when I have to eat lunch in school and she will give me a designated room for me to sit in, so no one can disturb me. We'll see how it goes. (TWO)
Either way, I have to say, I have the most amazing principal ever! And the teachers too, they're so supportive and it really shows that they care for their students, take their time and really want to help us 💙
Dinner - half a can of spaghetti hoops and portion of chicken strips
I have an increased meal plan which has dessert after dinner which is making me a little anxious but I'm just trying to focus on how happy I felt with my gain earlier and how this dessert is only going to help me.
Anorexia is trying to tell me I gained too much too fast but I'm trying my best to ignore that.
Hallo ihr lieben,
heute seht ihr mal mein wunderbares Frühstück - nicht 😂. Was soll ich sagen? Wie kann man Baguette und eine Waffel perfekt in Szene setzen? #garnicht 🤷♀️. #sorrynotsorry ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Fühlst du dich auch wie der einzige Nadelbaum 🌲 in einem großen, weiten Wald voller Laubbäume 🌳? Fühlst du dich auch so anders? Ich fühle mich jedenfalls so.
Ich habe keine Blätter, ich habe Stacheln. Ich habe Stacheln, die mich beschützen. Beschützen vor einer Welt 🌎, die mir fremd ist. Ich bin ein Baum, genau wie all die anderen, aber ich bin eine andere Sorte.
Doch frag dich mal, welche Bäume die einzigen sind, die auch im Winter in schönen Grün erstrahlen. Sind das etwa die vielen Laubbäume 🌳? Nein, sie sind es nicht. Denn sie verlieren ihre Blätter. Stehen da, nackt, fast tot. Und du daneben bist grün, nicht nackt, nicht tot. Du bist der Nadelbaum 🌲.
Es mag auf den ersten Blick so scheinen, dass wir anders sind. Und vielleicht sind wir das auch 🤷♀️. Ja, wir müssen kämpfen 💪. Härter als all die anderen. Doch das Kämpfen macht uns stark.
Geraten anderen Menschen in eine schwierige Situation, werden sie nicht damit umzugehen wissen. Im Winter verlieren Laubbäume ihre Blätter 🍃.
Geraten wir in eine schwierige Situation, werden wir damit umzugehen wissen. Denn wir kennen es schon. Im Winter behalten Nadelbäume ihre Nadeln 🌲.
Und dann werden wir es sein, zu denen man aufschaut. Die man bewundert. Von denen man lernt ❤️.
So for dinner i had an ENTIRE SERVING of PERTO TORTELINI!!! A H U G E pre ed fave of mine that i have been too afraid to eat :P... But now i did it! Though i gotta admit, ana made me TW weigh the tortelini and count them to make sure i had exactly one serving...TWO.
I was still a bit too scared to ad any cheese like pre ed me did, but hey! At least i ate it and thats what matters!
Im still quite mad about lunch ngl and i HAVE to get my shit together w that but ohwell. Tomorow is a new day. Its not the end of the world! As long as i keep fighting!💪
Also i need to work on the fact that its OKAY to have an entire portion and its also OKAY to have MORE than a portion! Mom didnt look at the portionsize and took one and a half servings PLUS some meat, and that would have been OKAY for me to do aswell! Hell, if anyone should do that its me since i HAVE to gain!
Sorry bout that :P
Anyways ill see you all at nightsnack!🙌❤
Diner was pasta with smoked salmon, spinach and cherry tomatoes🍅. Pasta is a huge #fearfood and, not going to lie, I had a huge panic attack before this diner. The stress about not knowing calories and macros is so high right now and I miss the control. I'm still kind of planning things in my head, but try not to listen to things I now my Ed wants me to do. This Thursday I have a appointment with my docker and I am going to talk to her about having more variation in my meal plan. Because I am kind of eating the same things rn and want to challenge myself more. But anyway this was my diner and it was so yummy, can't believe how much I missed pasta😋👍💪#krachtvoer#prorecovery#edrecovery#proud2bme#anorexiarecovery#edwarrior#recoveringdutchie
Back at 3/4 portions which has confused me a lot this week - note to self hospital food is to beige and boring. Breakfast was 1 and a half weetabix with milk which I enjoyed but getting bored of weetabix everyday. Lunch was a salad sandwich which I ate all of! Finally at dinner I had a vegetarian burger and a salad and I finished it 💪🏽 first full portions dinner and I am fully increasing to full portions because my weight keeps getting lower - hopefully snacks tomorrow. #edrecovery#anorexiarecovery#edrecovery
Something I’m currently trying to adapt and you should too, we all know that recovery is an ongoing road, a wave that we have to ride until eventually we get to shore. But, I also know how much being on that road is hard & painful, especially when you start seeing yourself gaining weight, this is why let’s try to approach a mindset of “Body Neutrality”. Sometimes, we don’t feel like loving these changes and that is OK, but let’s deal with it with neutrality & acceptance. Let’s not focus on the changes nor “Praise” them because it doesn’t matter, in the end it is a body and it has to change. We don’t always have to love it or hate it; we don’t have to focus on it neither negatively nor positively. So if you woke up and not feeling body positive, try #bodyneutrality !
Smoothie bowl for lunch today packed with so much protein omg
Skyr yogurt with strawberries a banana a scoop of evolve vanilla protein powder and topped it with honey almond granola, blueberries, blackberries and creamy pb!!
Hi guys! I've been pretty absent this week as I've spent most of it catching up with people for Freshers (🥂) probably the healthiest meal I've had so far this week 👌🏼stir fried veggies & edamame with garlic, chilli, ginger, sesame oil & tamari. Served with brown rice noodles & sesame seeds 😍 have a lovely week whatever you're doing 😘
Last weekend i went camping!! I've been eating junk food and healthy food and just whatever i want. However its been brought to my attention that i look like I've lost weight. I have been insanely stressed and always lose my appetite then. So I've been being more conscious about when i eat whether I'm hungry or not. Recovery is much more than gaining weight. For some you don't need to gain you just need to find freedom with food and maybe that means you gain. For others gaining is life or death. I'm not trying to lose weight just like I'm not trying to gain. I'm just trying to live my life and let my body decide where it wants to be. However i realize my Ed blinders are still with me as I've been feeling like I've gained yet others are saying different. Just goes to show Ed's are patient and always there. Either way I'm not worried about it. I'm not stressing like oh I've lost so i better keep it that way. No. I realize i probably haven't been getting enough calories and should eat more, so i will and my body can do its thing. These type of little hiccups in recovery are what you make them. It would be so easy for me to allow this to trigger me. Like omg people are saying I've lost now i need to keep losing i can't believe i was so fat etc etc. I get it, those are valid thoughts but realize you have the control!!!! Instead I'm just like,, huh, that's interesting guess i should eat some more and be aware of this and go on with my life. See the difference? 😊 one is very stressful and triggering while the other is just matter of fact. 👌 .
Good morning, everyone ☀
This was part of my breakfast today- one of the mini muffins we baked yesterday, they're oatmeal-cranberry muffins 😍 but made with real sugar and oil (!) So I had one, along with a drinkable yogurt and a mini nanner 🍌
I'm so sorry for the crappy picture, but the library lighting is awful 😬
Have a good day, peeps, be grateful to be alive one more day 😊💕
Huge night snack challenge UP😳😍👊🏻 Take that Ana!🙄😈💥
--------------------------------------------TWO jammy toasts and a BIG bowl of cereal💪🏼
--------------------------------------------So challenging BUT i was hungry and it was good!
--------------------------------------------Kinda overhelmed with all of this vegan stuff, but i shall get through it! Sleep well😴 I'm off to shower and sleeep💟
🍩🌸KriSpY KrEmE🌸🍩OH MY GOODNESS😳like OMFG😱I'VE ACTUALLY DONE IT!!🎉🎊💪🏻👏🏻I finally satisfied a craving that I've had for years and indulged in a REAL sticky, sweet, sugary doughnut miracle!!🍓🍯🍩😜I didn't research calories and I didn't spend hours choosing this divine baked dream!!😇instead I spontaneously visited a Krispy Kreme store and chose what ANNIE actually wanted!!😉💪🏻👏🏻So I went for the GLAZED RASPBERRY DOUGHNUT filled with the sweetest raspberry jam in a soft doughy case all surrounded by lots and LOTS of sticky crispy sugary goodness too!!😜🎊🎉I'm overwhelmed and I'm not even bull shitting!! It's nearly 6pm and I've eaten more today than I ever have in a single 24 hours of recovery!!😏🤗I still have no idea what the evening has to offer but to be honest it's EXCITING!!😃recovery is NOT diet this and diet that😠🙄because dieting is about LOOSING WEIGHT and I'm here to gain!!💪🏻😇I want to nourish not only my poorly body but my soul and personality too!!💃🏻🎉🎊the world needs me and i need the world😉🙃😄because life is so super beautiful and endless with opportunities to grasp and experience every single day!!😃😃😃it may just be a basic doughnut to the average human being but to me this marks COURAGE🌟and now I believe in myself so much more!!🤗🌸💃🏻I'm actually quite peckish and looking forward to extra yummy meals and snacks to come!!🎉🎊🌟I'm now on an opposite mission from anorexia and I'm excited to see just how strong ANNIE really is😉let's do this everyone!!😃😍😘HaPpY DoUgHnUt ViBeS CoMiNg YoUr WaY!!🍩😊😏stay strong warriors and keep fighting ALWAYS!!💪🏻🤗😘#krispykreme#glazedraspberry#raspberrydoughnut#doughnut#donut#doughnuts#snack#sweettreat#foodporn#sugar#recoverywin#recovery#love#ana#anorexia#anorexiarecovery#ed#edfam#eatwell#eatclean#eatsmart#eattobeatit#motivation#inspiration#strongnotskinny#staystrong#fitnotthin#fightana xx
Those days when all you want is to cry alone in bed because nothing is working well :( It happens often now that people are shocked because I'm "so thin" and look anorexic 🤔 new students asked me how long I was in a hospital because of anorexia wtf I stay strong 🤦🏼♀️:D I want to gain weight again but still affraid 😭 #depressedgirl#thin#anorexia#anorexiarecovery#greysanatomy
Prendre un goûter à 18h ? Ben il faut faire avec et pas question de zapper 👆
Bon je vous racontes j'avais rdv à 16h30 chez la medecin et j'avais pas pris de goûter parce que je pensais qu'elle m'aurais pris direct et que jaurais pu goûtée un bon goûtée chez moi 👌 sauf que non elle avait du retard... Beaucoup de retard 😰 je suis passée a 17h15 ou 20 j'étais en panique je lui est dit " pesée moi mais après je dois partir jai pas goûter et ça va faire trop tard après " elle m'a dis " zeeeeeeen lâcher le contrôle un peu , ça arrive de manger plus tard vous inquiétez pas " , " oui mais après je vais mangée tard le soir et demain matin jai école 👆:( " donc je me suis dis bon elle a raison, prend le temps de parler avec ( vu que jai pas de psy cest vraiment le moment où je peut me lâcher sur tout et parler ) donc on a discutée, ça m'a fais du bien et ensuite pesée -200g alors là vraiment jai pas compris .. J'étais tellement déçue, je me suis défoncée et je pensais au moins avoir pris 300g ou 400g mais pas perdre quoi .. Elle a vu que j'étais triste et déçue et je lui est dit que c'était peut etre que dhabitude je goûte avant d'aller la voir et que là non.. Enfin je sais pas du tout, elle m'a dis que je devais continuer à augmenter mon apport et je penses que goûter ou pas goûter j'ai pas d'excuses et ça va etre super dur.. Mais je vais devoir augmenter plus, il faut que je trouves mon équilibre et peu etre que le fait de travailler joue aussi dedans :/ je sais pas je suis juste déçue.. J'hésite à me peser demain matin à jeun sur ma balance pour voir quand même mais sachant qu'elle est parfois fiable parfois non je sais pas ?
Bref bref bref sacrée claque dans la gueule serieux.. Et ça me parait déjà si dur d'avoir augmenter et etre à 1900-1950 que encore plus je sais même pas comment je vais faire .. Mais je me dis que j'ai pas le choix et que c'est pour mon bien et ma santé.. Force et courage à moi même.. 💪bonne fin d'aprem ..
Mango and passion fruit smoothie for afternoon snack whilst seeing @lucy.recovers @jasmine_recovers and @positively.ollie ! Shame @earthling.imogen couldn't be there💕 Was lovely catching up with you all, hopefully we can do it again soon:)
•I'M ABSOLUTELY SMASHING RECOVERY!!•🌟😏💪🏻💃🏻since being home I've already faced a thousand and one fears😳met and planned a date with a beautiful man😍enjoyed snoozing, lie ins and relaxation😴AND felt genuinely happy for the first time in a long time!!😃😊💪🏻Lunch today was a whole new special VEGAN FALAFEL SANDWICH which is made with layers of ground chickpea falafel crumble, topped with a sprinkle of fresh coriander, spinach🍃and a spoon of fruity tomato salsa🍅on malted bread🌰🍞followed by salad🥕🥒a super crunchy pear🍐AND... MY FIRST EVER KRISPY KREME DOUGHNUT!!🍩🎉🎊which I'll be revealing after this post too!!😍💪🏻👏🏻I've finished a bottle of Prosecco that I enjoyed over the two days🍾🥂and I'm dizzy and happy and excited and PROUD!!🌟😇💪🏻I've realised that life isn't restricting, counting or obsessing over what we eat and how much we exercise😳🙄LIFE IS AN INCREDIBLE OPPORTUNITY OF DISCOVERY AND EXPLORATION THAT WE MUST ENJOY AND CELEBRATE EVERY SINGLE DAY!!🌎😃🎊you never know what consequences lie right around the corner... so embrace the days and be bold🌸don't choose your meals based on calories/fat/nutrition... CHOOSE FOOD FOR FLAVOUR AND TAKE EACH MOUTHFUL WITH GRATITUDE THAT YOU'RE A BRAVE LIVING HUMAN BEING!!😊😍🤗I'm proud of each crumb I consume👏🏻today I even met a perfect stranger in the bus and planned yet another weekend of cocktails and love to come!🍹🥂😍I want to be who ANNIE is without being afraid all the time!!🙃because I'm a girl who CRAVES freedom and so from now on calories are bullshit demons that I wish to ignore and I'll eat when I'm hungry because that's what recovery is for!!🎉🎊💃🏻I hope you're all having a TaStY TuEsDaY!!😉🤗stay beautiful little warriors and NEVER loose hope!!🌸😇#falafel#sandwich#vegan#lunch#falafelsandwich#recoverywin#recovery#love#ana#anorexia#anorexiarecovery#ed#edfam#eatwell#eatclean#eatsmart#eattobeatit#motivation#inspiration#strongnotskinny#staystrong#fitnotthin#fightana xx