I have this thing where....I hate not having the tools to fix a broken person. Yes it's not my responsibility...could even be a stranger on the road. I can detect it...who best then a person who's broken herself. But I hate when you can feel the energy, their hurt seeps through their pores and you can see it in their eyes. And you feel hopeless... you can't find the words or actions to lighten up their mood and if you're like me...say something that'll uplift them whole. It's irritating. But I've learned my lesson on trying to fix broken people. You'll just keep breaking yourself.
Ya know as a dude with cats, I catch a lot of shit from people. "Yo, that's gay, why don't you get a dog, cats are nasty, blahblahblah" FUCK THAT. Y'all wanna know something I've only told a few people? I used to HATE cats. But I was madly in love with someone who convinced me to adopt my first baby, and she was there when I saved my second baby from death in a plastic bag. She ended up leaving, she took a lot of personal things, and she took my heart too. But she left the cats. Those damned cats. So I went off the deep end, got into some deep addiction. I remember staying up for almost 5 days straight strung out of my mind and had barely eaten, I coulda died and wouldn't of gave a shit tbh. I was laying in my bed with barely any energy to move and those damned cats knew something was wrong. They started crying, trying their best to convey their love to me. That's when I realized that I had two little beings that loved me despite my faults no matter what. I saved my cats, and honestly dude, my cats saved me. Since then I have rescued another baby, my little Rosie. I may not get anymore for a while, but that's all I need. I come home and they're ecstatic to see me everyday of my life. Anytime I feel like I'm straying away, they pull me back in. So fuck what anyone thinks about your pets everyone. I don't know why I had to lay this out there, I guess it's for anyone struggling cause I see a lot of it lately. Find something and hang on to it. You can get help from the most unexpected places.
Parents are the ones who'd make our dreams and also that someone who shatters them
They would let you find your missing pieces then shatter them, and wonder why you’re broken
They would make you wear painful words as It was a scarf and it chokes you, and do they care?
They would not help you rise up instead they would compare you to another person 'Oh, look at Mary Jane's Daughter- look how she does it better'
And how painful it is to us that we aren't enough.
And remember how you were just a seed and they'd water you everyday and you grew as a beautiful daisy?
But didn't realize you were In a field of roses and they would cut you off 'cause you need success
And try, try again, thrive success
But Isn't a daisy enough?
And after they cutted you off they'd wonder why you didn't grow back 'I'm a daisy, I'm a daisy. Why can't you just love me?' You cried and cried infront of them
You told them the depths of your heart and then they would laugh 'That's horrible' they say. and you prepared that for months and that was all they say for a day?
And oh, remember how you told them that you started writing and you loved doing it? 'What does writing do, does It make money like I do?' They exclaimed as you flew
Then you fell off
Do we really money? But what If we can make money of what we most loved doing?
And also, you remembered when you helped a fellow daisy like you and they got angry 'cause It's not you who should be helping
Remember how you showed them your grades and they kept a straight face and wasn't proud?
Remember how they pointed in your face that you are just a daisy an ordinary daisy and your sister was a rose?
How It hurts to be not enough.
Check it out on wattpad for the full version: When A Heart Loses Its Gold https://my.w.tt/UiNb/EijDbftOJH
🔜 a shop! I need to find ways to earn money so I can buy my antidepressants, anxiety meds, and heart medicine. They cost a lot. I will update soon about this, but for now I will focus on making art I can be proud of. I need some support from the mental health community and artists community. Thank you! 💛💛
❝ feeling alone is one of the worst things in the world. even when people tell me that they're here for me and that they won't leave me.. I can't believe them. I feel like a burden to everyone. I don't fit in.. even with family. I feel like most people only pretend to care for me anymore out of obligation. I even feel like an outsider at work. Is it just me? or am I really alone? ❞
Thanksgiving Tip 2:
If you are battling an ED this Thanksgiving, you are not alone. Here are some ways to stay safe this holiday.
1. Find a designated support person. Ask someone who you are comfortable with to watch over you during your stay, or just the dinner. Ask this person to divert questions about weight at the table and make sure you're staying calm. If there's no one in your family you can trust, text someone you can. If that's still not an option, try the website "7 Cups of Tea." This website allows free emotional support and online therapy over chat with a real person, and I'm sure they'd be up to helping you.
2. Don't ditch your recovery plan. No matter how tempting it may be. Don't skip meals to prepare for the dinner. And don't miss appointments.
3. Don't beat yourself up. This may be the hardest part. What you eat or don't eat does not define you and shall not control you. It's only one night.
Eating Disorder Helpline: 1-800-931-2237
Crisis Textline: 741-741 .
We, as a society, need to begin normalizing kindness, taking responsibility for our actions, and helping each other. But we also need to normalize self love and taking care of ourselves. We need can do better, we can. But we are very hurt. And because we’re hurt, we hurt other people. And the more we hurt other people, the more hurt we bring into this world. Being kind and staying calm and keeping yourself under control will lessen the fire and the damage in our world. You can make the world better even if you start with bettering yourself. We as a society need to stop dehumanizing people and stop desensitizing ourselves to violence. The more we accept violence, the more we dehumanize others, but most importantly, the more we dehumanize ourselves. When people die, we just count the numbers. 22 deaths was more than just 22 deaths. They were 22 people, 22 lives that ended when there could have been more. There may have been something they were looking forward to that they never got the chance to do. That’s 22 families that lost someone important. See people as more than just numbers and statistics. Recognize every human as a person with value.
Follow my photo account:
My journey... A picture taken two years after my total hip replacement, a bucket list goal to run a Spartan-type race achieved. And in my age bracket, finishing in the top 5%, with a simple goal of "pass people more than I get passed." I achieved that, too, passing more Millenials than I thought could be possible! 💪
The reason I share this, is my latest adventures have brought me to @opcharliemike, a veteran-owned new small business that launches Thanksgiving night at midnight over at OperationCharlieMike.com.
I have been asked to help build out a merchandise assortment for the company, that focuses on celebrating one thing - The Human Spirit and it's ability to overcome amazing obstacles and seemingly impossible odds.
A broad umbrella, no doubt. You might be under that umbrella. PTSD. Cancer survivors. Depression. Amputees. Mental abuse. Addiction. A burn victim. The list is endless. The list of obstacles, even longer.
We don't know WHO we will attract along our mission, who will Charlie Mike or "Continue Mission" with us. But one thing is certain - those that fight against the odds, never quit when told they can't succeed, get knocked 👇 nine times, but get 👆 ten - Operation Charlie Mike will celebrate you. Will share your story, your successes, and if you desire, even your failures.
If you are curious, if belonging to a community that celebrates your spirit, your goals, your adventures appeals to you, please follow @opcharliemike. And, if you find some cool merchandise (oh, I think you will!) and want to support our mission with your wallet, that would be great! 😉
So, I get to have my other leg cut off and reattached with a "cueball" for a femur head December 28th due to avascular necrosis. But you know what, tomorrow I'm going to the gym. See you there!👊👊👊
(Ctd of previous post)
I was a very naive 16 year old. Our families knew him since I was 10 years old. I lovingly called him, "Uncle" and he was more of a father figure to me. It was the same confusion, feeling of being lost and insecurity that struck me when he tried to grab my breasts. But at this age, I was aware that "this" should NOT be happening. I knew it was inappropriate. Although I dint have enough power to get angry on him, my body knew how to save me I guess. I had a panic attack straight away and he dint try again that day. Around him, I used to wear multiple layers of clothes and tried all sort of discreet things to avoid such behavior from him. At the same time I scared losing him emotionally, if I confronted.I only realized his manipulations when I listen to a seminar on characteristics of sexual abusers.
I always thought what happened in my teenage impacted me the most but it is only recently that I have realized that child sexual abuse caused more damage and set me on an unconscious pattern. I am an adult survivor of child sexual abuse. And my trauma had an impact on the way I see and trust men, what kind of relationships I fall into, my womanhood, my struggle with body image/body weight, sexuality, my self worth and so much more. But I am so glad atleast now I know where my healing needs to be done.
I am thankful for the life circumstances that let me crack open to the past wounds. Now, everyday I commit to heal this 4 year old child in me. She shouldn't have gone through what she had. And, i feel all the more reason to love myself unconditionally and be her voice to speak up to what she truly deserves. I am her and she is me. And yes, self parenting can heal so many of our past wounds.
This is my journey and thanks for reading. I hope you find enough strength to listen to your inner child. She/He needs YOU more than anyone. Heal your past and let yourself free. LOVE TO ALL!!!
Be gentle on yourself. ALWAYS!
SS 🌸❤🌻 #childsexualabuse#metoo#sexualabuse#speakup#breakthesilence#healing#trauma#mentalhealth#recovery#depression#anxiety#emotionalgrowth#fear#anger#india#childhood#psychology
Anyone else deal with anxiety while being aware it’s total crap? Today is a day my brain has chosen to tel me repeatedly that I suck and that I hate myself, raising the butterflies in my stomach every spare moment that I don’t have something else on my mind. But I know I don’t suck. I am far from perfect, but I am not as terrible as my mind chooses to tell me. I am caring. I am honest. I may be behind on some bills and favors but I am not a thief and I WILL get square with everyone I owe. I am not a monster. I am a friend and an evolving soul. I wish I could forgive my own struggles as easily as I can in others. Pray for me tonight #dealing#bullshit#sad#anxiety#mentalillness#thestruggle
Its my 100th post on Instagram. When I was going through depression, somehow writing here on this app anchored me. With every post, I become stronger because to say it here also means I am owning it in front of the world and very peculiarly it has helped me to let my deep fears, sorrows and anger go. So, yeah thanks to #instagram and people who read my post.
Today, what I want to write and release from my system was not easy for me to share for a very long time. There were countless drafts I had written on it and many videos I recorded but haven't posted any. Now, I'm in a better place to face it.
This picture was taken when I got triggered by #metoo movement. I even took a video to express my feeling but it was too overwhelming to post. I was sexually abused as a child and a teenager.
I was around 3.5 or 4 years old when an old man who supplied milk to our house (about the age of 65 then) took me to a secluded place and made me sit on his lap, removed my undies and tried to insert his penis. Obviously, he couldn't penetrate. And this happened only once (I guess!). As a child of 4 years, I had no idea what had happened but somehow I remembered it vividly. So, it should have made an impact on my psyche right? Yes, it did. The act itself was just a memory to me but where the emotional trauma should have happened was that I remember hiding myself behind a pillar and getting scared that if I would see him again (even writing about this now makes me tremble!). All I remember is how I felt so lost, confused and insecure. As a child, how am I supposed to know why I was feeling the way I had been feeling? I din't tell anyone either. I wasn't even aware I should!
As I became older, the incident became a memory. What remained with me on an emotional and somatic level was the fear, confusion, anger of not being protected, humiliation and sadness. Of course, even as a teenager I couldn't comprehend why I was feeling what i was feeling. For reasons unknown yet, sexually abused children are more susceptible to being abused as teenagers. May be it could be a lack of emotional strength and vulnerability that attracts the perpetrators?
(Ctd., in next post)
Today is International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day.
Did you know...
• Suicide is the 2nd leading cause of death for people ages 12-25.
• For every death by suicide, another 25 people attempt.
• Research has shown that more than 90% of those who die by suicide have a diagnosable mental disorder.
If you are a survivor of suicide loss, you are not alone.
We hope to create a space where survivors can share their stories, heal, educate others, and in turn, create a beautiful, strong, resilient community.
So therapy at IOP went well yesterday. We talked about EVERYTHING, sometimes with Mom in the room and sometimes without. The assessment was very thorough. But I was honest through the whole thing and I’m proud I made it through.
Right now I feel so scared. The self harm urges are very high, and unfortunately I gave in. I feel randomly suicidal. Maybe I should tell someone? I’m just hoping it passes soon.
I will try to read and go to bed.
Goodnight everyone. 💙
🚫🚫👣👣👉@healing_humanity_care👈HASHTAG MUST BE USED WHEN POSTING AND RESHARING!!- THATS HOW I FIND YOU!! ✨Our #nonprofit first big #giveaway ‼️‼️ My #goal when starting my Center has always been to #educate . On the #truth . However i can. So this giveaway is special for me to do because i get to further an education with a #free course and help address something that’s important to me. #Mentalhealth . I think when some people hear that to this day they think ‘crazy’. But understand that’s not so...#depression#stress#anxiety#hopelessness#anger you know those low vibrational #energies -We all deal with them at one time or another. But a lot of us are left trying to #fight it alone. Last year, i was in such a #dark place..... i cried and i fought to see the light at the end of the tunnel and some days the darkness almost won.... what helped me were posts of #motivation#courage#strength#Love and #unity and it helped me fight another day. So i hope you guys participate. We really could work together by saving someone. Maybe even save you on one of your hardest days.... sending and abundance of your hardest days.... sending and abundance of #loveandlight ❣️✨#reiki#crystalhealing#chakras#yoga#chakrabalancing#healer#lightworkers#cdh17 comment done ✅