This week is teaching me so SO much ⚡While I am going hypomanic but still have a bit of perspective thanks so my meds, I'm noticing more symptoms to log that are tell tail signs of my spike ➡ Symptoms I saw today are over sharing personal information, extreme irritability, micro managing, and constant complaining 🌼 I feel terrible for my hubs having to endure all of this but he relaxes me so my symptoms lessen a little bit with him ✨ self care today: drinking lots of chamomile tea, took my meds, ate crisps, had a long hot shower 👑 cheers to optimism and all it brings #bipolar#bipolardisorder#mania#mentalillness#mentalhealth#mentalhealthawareness#holdontohope
Rough draft of my Safety Plan is in full effect 🎉🎉 Can't wait to go through this with my doctors and post on my fridge for a reminder 😊 When I found my baseline in July I thought that I wouldn't see any fluctuations in mood so I didn't think I needed a plan, but after a hypomanic episode started I knew I needed one of these ASAP ✨ If you do not suffer from mental illness, you can still use one of these for #selfcare reminders and as a list of what to do when you are feeling overwhelmed or low ⬆⬇ I logged my symptoms, what I need to do to help keep level, and what others can do to help me cope during mania or depression 👫 side note: I am so grateful that so far my two doses of Lamotrigine have not made me disoriented or tired. When I was on Seroquel XR not only were my physical motions and reactions delayed, but so was my thinking and it really brought my self-confidence down. So grateful for a doctor that knows my body & mind so well so she can make the best choices for my care 💘 Hope you are all having a wonderful Friday and that the weekend brings you relaxation and happiness 🌼 #bipolar#bipolardisorder#mentalillness#mentalwellness#mentalhealth#advocate#recovery#Lamotrigine
Everything was getting better, everything was finally great. And then about 4 months ago, I found myself slipping into another episode of depression.
I was about 6 months free from panic attacks, black outs, and all those scary stuffs that indicate my mental health has started to be unstable. I was on a rather stable state before the depression came creeping in. And just like that, everything came crashing down again.
This was not my first episode of depression, but this was one of the bad. I shut myself out, I logged off from my social media accounts, I deleted all my posts, didn't respond to texts, didn't even go out from my bedroom. All I wanted to do was sleep, all day and all night.
My mum did what she had to do, she raised the dosage of my prescriptions just like my doctor told her if I somehow slip into another episode of depression. Some of my friends tried to reach out to me, but I just hid inside my walls again.
Before the depression creeped in, I was busy with my work, my study plan, being an activist for mental health, and video projects. And I just couldn't finish all of it. This is what happens every time depression took over my brain. And it sucks.
But God loves me so much, that even I pushed everyone else around me away, some of them somehow found a way to reach me. 29 days ago, an old friend who's been out of contact for years showed up and he stayed with me literally every day ever since. I will be writing his words & other's who had helped me that inspired & encouraged me a lot.
I'm getting better every day now, and I will continue my projects, being an activist and focus more on social works. I will continue to tell my story and I thought it would be best to start from the one I'm most familiar with, which is Instagram. So pardon me as I will post contents about mental health and my story on my page.
I'm doing this not for getting validation or acceptance from people. I'm doing this because telling my story helps me recover and through it I hope to reach whoever needs to hear that they are not alone in their suffering.
Like what's written on my bio; this is me being vulnerable in hope that I could help someone else be brave.
Arrivati a questo punto ...non so di preciso se a Natale sarò fuori dall' ospedale...se dovessi rimanere ....no problem.... chiederò un permesso per passare la santa giornata in famiglia e poi si ritornerà in clinica a lottare per migliorare una cosa sola.....me stesso #xmastime#pranzodinatale#memyselfandi#cura#bipolardisorder
There are lots of people out there who talk about “loving yourself” and I think thats great, its definitely something to strive for and work towards. I, however, have come to realize that I need to take it a step further, I need to learn to love the Bipolar part of myself. Yes I’ve accepted that I have Bipolar Disorder, which has been tough for sure, but that’s not enough for me. I feel like I need to fall in love with that part of myself, embrace it for what it is. I need to love it unconditionally, loving the good, the bad AND the ugly parts of it. It’s not going anywhere and there certainly is no cure so I might as well love it for what it is. And I need to stand up and be proud that I have this illness. I don’t ever want to feel ashamed that I have this illness, I always hate when I tell someone that I have a “sleeping disorder”, I just want to correct myself and say “Actually, I have Bipolar Disorder” even better would be “I am Bipolar Disorder”. Photo credit: @essie_photography_yyc
GUESS WHO IS GOING BACK TO NFC. 🙌🏻 goodbye RBWH you will not be missed. on a side note i ran into one of my old facilitators from DBT which was nice. i'm also looking for some more recovery accounts to follow. please comment your fav or even your own if i don't already follow you 🙂
The negative intrusive thoughts are getting the best of me tonight. I continue to self sabotage. I am afraid of what recovery will mean. I’m afraid of this new “life” without my illnesses. I’m not sure I want to recover. It is easier to stay this way. It is more comfortable. I am trying to think about what my therapist would say...
going through old photos has me craving all the thailand fruit. i was given a butter, double cheese and vegemite sandwich for lunch 😷. i just ended up just eating bread out of the fridge.
8 years ago on this day i came home to the news that my father & family were murdered; three lives taken in a blink of an eye. Everyone says that time heals all wounds; yes my wounds have closed up but it hurts all the same. I hold on to the memories because they’re all i have left. I’ve been battling depression and bipolar for as long as i could remember and every year around this time it gets worst. // This year hit me the hardest with the divorce and all ; & i did relapsed a few times. Even then I’m trying not to give up on life although it seems it has given up on me. These past nights i thought of suicide ; and had to fight my mind balling myself in the corner of the room fighting for my life begging for my mind to stop. It got so bad that I self harmed again. I want to fight this battle and made the decision to take control of my life again. I don’t want to be another person who died of an illness they couldn’t fight. I’m channeling my pain in a positive way which is why i started weight lifting at the gym & keeping myself busy the best that i can. Death affects us all especially when you lose a parent ; it doesn’t matter how many years goes by it will always hurt the same but it does get easier. I love you guys. Until we meet again. Your son, your grandson & i got to release eight balloons for you guys today; eight for each year you guys have been gone. We love you! 🤕💖 #depressiondisorder#bipolardisorder#mentalillnessisreal
another thailand flash back photo. i remember it was so hot i couldn't cover my scars and so many people kept commenting on them. i was so embarrassed but now i've learned to accept them as part of my story. i don't parade them around but i no longer go out of my way to hide them. i am not ashamed. but on another note, some of my scars have faded enough that i get to start my tattoo sleeve on the 26th. quite excited.
Time to reset for an amazing week ahead. Start by naming (or writing down) three simple things you did this weekend. Then, think of three things you know you can easily achieve this week. Then, think of three bigger things you would like to achieve this week. Then, say this affirmation: “I can do anything one step at a time. Baby steps count just as much as big steps. It’s easy to do, even if there are obstacles, I can move through anything and I honor however many steps it takes because I know it can be done.” ✨
When you’re getting bored of your current routine, try switching it up and have some fun! I always break a killer sweat when I’m dancing it out 💃🏼 I may not be the MOST coordinated, but I’m smiling! 🤷🏼♀️✨
PS. Did you catch my live video?! It’s in the replays for a limited time only and you will DEFINITELY want to check it out 😉