I'm doing a water cleans to lose weight. I went all day yesterday without eating a thing. I went out and did some shopping and didn't stop to get food or grab some candy off the shelf. I was very proud of myself. Then I got home and made dinner for the family and everyone went to their own rooms and I was left to clean up. I was just alone with all of it and I broke down and eat as much as I could. I felt sick and then threw up. I was crying and mad and cold and Just sick of it all.
I told my husband, I could tell he felt bad but he just doesn't get it. I failed, at something I hadn't even gone 24 hours at. I hate myself for doing that. There's no one here to talk to and no one who gets just how hard this really is.
Soooo. Hier ein Spruch. Hat Spaß gemacht das Bild zu bearbeiten❤️
In meiner Story ist ne Umfrage ob ich das öfters machen soll💖 stimmt da mal bitte ab.
Würde das dann so machen: normaler Feed, Spruch, normal, Spruch
#q gute Idee?
- Grains/oats/seeds cereal with mashed banana🍌
- 1 doughnut 🍩
- Coffee☕️ with powdered milk and chocolate
I saw this doughnut in the fridge last night and REALLY wanted to eat it but i said no, only if its still there in the morning. Soooo turns out it was so im eating it and who cared! A doughnut cant do harm :)
#dinner was some mashed potato 🥔 with spinach and celery 🥗
I also had some salted caramel green tea ☕️ and my advent calendar chocolate that I'm very behind on 🍫💪
Guys omg for the first time in ages ive had a full meal!!! Im proud of myself for doing this but im also pretty shocked. I know thats proper stupid but i ive been putting off any chance to eat a meal so its a sort of big thing for me!
Sooooo i ate this for lunch:
- Margherita pizza🍕
- Bowl of chips🍟
- Large coke🥤
- 1 apple🍎
- Half a pack of crackers
A blanket of snow ❄❄❄ Todays been really shitty tbf. I've been in a fluctuating state of feeling like I'm not actually here, kind of like a dream and I don't know why.
I feel really unwanted (sounds petty af) at the minute, like I juet don't matter to anyone at all; school, family, and especially friends. Those stupid little posts about having "the best friends i could ever ask for" and not being in it has pushed me over tonight and I don't know why. Its such a small thing I know, but it really has made me feel worthless and I don't know what to do.
The other day I stayed off school because I had a blip. I'm genuinely proud to say that I didn't do anything but everything felt so fragmented and fake and my head was spinning. I really feel like I should've done it, to try and bring something concrete back in an attempt to find reality again but I couldn't even do that.
If you read this far then thanks for tolerating my tedious and petty rant x •
Sometimes these silly memes are more shaming than inspirational, so I corrected it! We all get angry sometimes. I think it's a little too unrealistic to expect someone to be happy all the time.
The key is to let yourself be angry, and find a way to cope with it. Right @meganjbruneau ? 😉 It can be automatic to run to something to numb it, like food. But it's only going to be temporary. Sometimes it is the only coping tool that will help, but there probably is a more effective, healthy way to feel better.
Using food as a coping technique is a bandaid (one of those crappy ones that fall off right away), and it can come with some "side effects," like raising blood sugar, blood pressure, and cholesterol. Healthier, more efficient coping tools that alleviate stress have little to no "side effects. They can help your body work better in other ways too. Some ideas- physical activity, deep breathing, talking with a loved one, etc.
Does something hold you back from trying other coping tools?
There is a calm that comes after the rage and pain where I see more clearly than I may have seen in weeks. It’s kind of like, I imagine, when a giant hurricane rolls through, and the sun comes out in a blue sky immediately following it as if to say, “It was only a little rain, I didn’t mean to blow your house away.”
But I am no hurricane, and my tears aren’t rain. No one shrugs when I blow and says, “You can’t reckon with nature.” Instead, I’m the sum of the parts of the latest edition of the DSM, my brain categorized by lists and professionals who think they know me from a fifteen minute assessment.
And no one likes a mental case who can’t self-moderate.
My life, pain, and abuse summed up into insurance codes and prescription refills that are neatly packed into a folder as I’m turned out the door until the next time I can’t handle things on my own.
And then, don’t you worry, Ruari will be back.
I practice certain aspects of witchcraft because it gives me a connection to the earth, the Universe, and to Spirit. It centers me. It gives me a way to focus when, sometimes, there is no focus, and helps me to realize that I’m not totally alone in a reality where I have very little in the way of a support system.
These are all things I cannot say on my main IG account, and I don’t say them to complain or for anyone to feel sorry for me. I just realize that I need to start saying them. It’s because I don’t that I’m turning into the worst version of myself, and my own worst enemy.
#breakfast today was some cereal with soya milk and water 😶
I'm so confused, I want to get better but a part of me is clinging to the option of Ed if it all goes wrong, or if anything goes wrong really, it's not healthy I know but I'm too afraid to tell anyone.