You wanted to get out of the state.
Not that your home state was bad, but it had always been a goal.
As a concept, it sounded like a great idea--no possible downside.
This would be a check-mark off the bucket list.
Now you stand alone with the dog outside the hotel, waiting for your next interview. You can't stay in the hotel because it's past checkout. You have no where to go so you patiently wait outside, enjoying the sunshine. A woman approaches you. asking if you're ok--because apparently sitting on the bed of a pickup truck for "too long" indicates something is the matter. While you convey to this nosy stranger that you are perfectly fine, inside you are panicking. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
All your things are in storage, including your boots except for the ones on your feet. This one pair takes you to interview after interview and no one wants you. Isn't the job market supposed to be better here? What are you doing wrong?
Boots: @harleydavidson @hdfootwear
You've got to make the tough decision.
But you love him.
But it can't happen. He'll break your heart.
It's not that you're scared or you have a habit of running, it's not that you are incapable of true love, it's not that you're a wild thing afraid to be caged... You've just seen this before.
He lied before. He lied to her. He'll lie to you. He alluded to lying already and tried to take it back but it's etched in your brain.
Yes you love him. Yes you'd give it all up for him. Yes you'd walk away from everything, but it'll never work.
You are tempted to give it a try, to really give it 100%, but you know how it'll end. He'll do the same thing to you as her, he can't help himself. He overlaps and isn't man enough to walk away when necessary, when it really matters. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
You've given him so many chances to prove it wouldn't be the same and every chance has led to to him proving it would be exactly the same.
It's going to hurt like a bitch, it already does--But you are stronger than you think. It's time to walk away. It's time to move forward. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Boots: off-brand kicks from my a visit to Mexico many moons ago
You fucked up.
Your goosebumps are gone and the most immense feeling of guilt has landed at the pit of your stomach. You are bawling: absolutely, completely, uncontrollably. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Right before it happened, your brain was screaming at the top of its lungs to stop, that you will regret it. But every inch of your body says yes so you let it happen.
What the fuck were you thinking?
Why didn't you say no? Why didn't he say no? He knew as much as you did what that meant.
You broke your promise. You turned your back on God. You went against every moral you ever had--that's right "had," you don't get to have those anymore.
You look down at your phone and Grandma is calling. You compose and answer; fail. But you can't tell her what happened, you can't tell anyone. It hurts to breathe as you listen to her soothing voice.
You kick your boots together to release some aggression.
She notices your silence and wraps up the conversation with "We all make mistakes in life, just remember Grandma loves you no matter what--to the moon and back, ok baby?"
Boots: vintage @justinboots_
You are fucking horrified.
You graduated from college with a fancy degree and a boat load of debt; no job, no clue.
Graduation day was the worst day of your life and your mom wanted nothing more than to photograph it. Does have no idea? No idea that you applied to hundreds of jobs and received no call backs. No idea that you had no money and couldn't ask the family for help because they had no money either. No idea you were completely broken-hearted, partially in love but mostly that you would be leaving the one place that ever felt like home. Sure, you could stay and be one of the weirdos who stick around in a college town without a real job--but you're pride and common sense would never allow it. You know it would never be the same.
You had to move back to your hometown to save money but it's amazing you lasted at all. Depression never looked so real until the day you didn't want to get up and shower or go to work at that horrible retail establishment (the only place you could find work). You hoped that if you stayed in bed long enough, you would just naturally die and slowly decay with no one to find you but the dog.
You knew at that point you had to make a decision. Do I pick myself up or rot? You chose movement in the most literal form. Everything you own in the back of your truck and off you went on a whim to the city.
You are still fucking horrified, but with bootstraps pulled you are moving forward. Box in hand you stand in the doorway to your new adventure. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Boots: @buckle @notrated
Good morning everyone! I still have a handful of hats left! If you’re thinking of grabbing one for yourself or as a gift for someone, let me know. I won’t be getting more until after the New Year. Shoot me a message if interested!