Really speaking to me right now. Woof. #darkmoods#feelingfeelings
"Well he'll walk in the city forever
Oh, walk in a time to be gone
Well there's no real goodbye if you mean it
So I guess I'm forever alone"
Preparing for re-entry. (Untitled)
As above so below
Highest highs and lowest lows
Searched far and wide
For the antidote to my poison
Found my angels and demons
And destroyed them
To become a ghost in a shell
Wishing I was in the moment
Rather than the moment itself
Hoping for self directed benevolence
Mercy from my madness
Hand hovering over the frequency dial
Afraid to turn, afraid to yearn
Found my voice to be irrelevant
Drowned in an ocean of white noise
Filled with mediocre girls and boys
Cynical, over critical, hypocritical
Stained by actions, residual
Made mistake after mistake
And now it's time to pay
For my slothly, gluttonous,
envious, wrathful, prideful decadence
Sheep in wolves clothing,
The bark of a kitten, mewing for attention
Didn't intend to condescend
Lived how I wanted without reprimand
Guess you can say I understand
I reap exactly what I have sown
I still pretend like I don't know
I still demand proof be shown
Whilst blowing my emotion
Out of proportion, a vision so distorted
Hedonism consorted, morality contorted
My compass is telling lies
My youth wasted on my young
Man, young man, I wish
You had simply become
Been a while since I've embraced my abyss.
Today was my mother's birthday. I told her I'll be alright. Told her our family was gonna be alright...
And three and a half years later, I'm doing alright... But I was nearly thriving. Except I fucked up. A victim of my own bad attitude, bad choices. I simply don't want to repeat my mistakes but my ego is so averse to failure, rejection. It's so ironic to be able to intellectualise my problems and still feel absolutely powerless to defeat myself, like I was stuck in molasses. Preferring the sweet, sickly, slow death. A worker bee, gradually becoming a part of the walls of the hive itself.
Fuck everything. I never asked to be here in the first place, and anyone who cared is sick of my complaining. I doubt that I'll ever truly be normal, ever truly be okay.
Blessed with a curse.