Instagram vs Reality. Since I've opened up about my battle with EDs and body image, I've had so many girls message me. They tell me how much they are struggling, and how they wish they could be as strong as I am. They ask me for my secret, how I've managed to get everything under control. First of all, let me just say this . . . I am so sorry. I am sorry if I have made it seem like I am 100% okay. I am sorry if I have led you on in thinking there is a simple cure. You don't go to sleep having an ED one night, then wake up free from it the next morning. There are ups and downs. Recovery is filled with periods of highs and lows. I haven't been posting as much lately because I wasn't sure how to encourage others without feeling like a fraud. In all honesty, coming back to school this semester has been tough. The past week or so, it's been a challenge just to get up and leave the house. It's been a victory each time I make it to class. The ED mindset slips back every now and again, telling me I am worthless. Telling me I am too fat or too ugly to even go out in public. These LIES torment me daily, and some days I don't feel like fighting them off. Other days, I show them my middle finger and adjust my crown. Because. We. Are. All. QUEENS. 👑 •
Thank you for the support on my last post❤️ Hungry this evening so I'm having a big bowl of honey hoops and mini golden syrup wheats with cashew milk🍯 Scary because it's more than I was planning but it's what I wanted💪 Have a good night🌟
Cauliflower, sweet potatoes #recoverywin and quinoa with black beans, tomatoes, carrots. It tasted so yummy :) After that I craved for something warm so I ate muesli with hot almond milk and cookies.
Recovery is harder than ever but it's definitely worth it !
Tomorrow I'll cook pumpkin soup with a friend and after that we want to go to the beach and eat vegan blueberry muffins. Although she's not vegan she's almost the only one of my friends who supports me. Maybe it's bc her mother is vegan. I don't know but I'm happy she's my friend. I ate so many fear foods bc of her :)
Madras curry for dinner this evening after a very busy and long day at work! 😴this is actually the very first curry I've ever made...all by myself... yep I said it and I'm embarrassed 😂 I made this for me and my mum and we're both very full but have very happy tummies! Mango and papaya chutney on the side with some brown rice! Absolutely delicious 😋 super happy i have the next two days off work to just relax as I've started feeling a little icky, which is also probably why I've been feeling so mentally drained, I have a tickley cough and a lovely cold sore has decided to join my face 😭 I hope you're all having an amazing Saturday ♥️✨
Some days are so easy, guys. Some days I feel like a million bucks - knowing a got a killer workout, fueled myself right, and I know that food is what keeps me moving and I need it. I know it's MORE THAN OKAY to eat. But some days....
Some days I feel like I had a crap workout. Some days I just FEEL off afterward, like I didn't push myself hard enough and maybe I should cut extra calories. I have to remind myself that I don't have to starve to hit my goals - hell, I don't even have to hit my goals to be happy - but some days, it's hard to keep that other voice silent.
I am still recovering y'all. 5 years in and the voice is still there, even if I'm stronger, even if I'm louder, even if I don't give in, that little a-hole is still there.
There's always going to be a voice telling you that you're not worth it. You're not worthy of eating, going to college, getting a promotion, losing weight, whatever it is - tell that voice to go to hell. I wish I had some positive message to leave you with today, but all I've got, is you are strong. You are capable. You've got this 👊
I was completely inspired by @nourishandeat this morning! She posted this exact same side by side shot, taken seconds apart. I DO NOT HAVE A NATURAL THIGH GAP. The first photo is me standing comfortably with good posture. The second photo is with my hips tilted way far forward, my back slightly arched, and my butt pushed out. You can't tell how awkwardly I'm posed from the front, but if you've ever taken this same picture to fake a thigh gap, you know how unnatural and uncomfortable it is. You'd never see me stand like this in real life. My body at my healthy set point does not have a thigh gap. My body isn't built to naturally have a thigh gap- I would have to artificially maintain a lower than healthy weight through diet manipulation in order to look like the second photo without posing. Don't forget that almost everyone on social media is posting posed photos. I do too from time to time. But it's so damn important to remember that posing, camera angles, and photo editing apps DON'T ACCURATELY PORTRAY BODIES. My REAL body as it appears in my daily life is on the left. My real body uncomfortably posed for a photo to create the illusion of a thigh gap is on the right. It's important to celebrate healthy bodies through authentic representation. The only time you'll ever see me with a thigh gap is when the photo appears immediately next to a non-posed photo, like I've done here. THREE CHEERS FOR HONEST BODIES! ❤️🌲✨ #eatingdisorderrecovery#bodypositive#bopo#edrecovery#edwarrior#recovery#recoverywarrior#bodyacceptance#anorexiarecovery#honesty#honestbodies#fuckthethighgap#nothighgap
Hello beautiful people,
For breakfast (slide) I had the same bullet proof coffee as yesterday (1/2 c coconut milk, 1 1/2 tsp MCT oil and sprinkled with cinnamon) 🔝For lunch I had two eggs fried in a tsp of red palm oil and seasoning with 15g of green olives 😋 For a snack I had 15g of macadamia nuts and 12 g of cacao butter. For dinner I had a romaine salad with 84g bacon and 28g shredded cheese. But there was a power outage in my area so I had to prepare the bacon in the fireplace😅 Have great day/night lovelies🎃
I feel like I’m in this strange place where I’m no longer medically unstable, but I’m not really recovered. However, I’m functional enough to get by in every day life but still have weekly appointments to maintain this. I just feel stuck and have no idea whether I want to fully recover.
hey lovelies! i want to say thank u for all the continuous support/check ins even tho I haven't been posting. things made a quick turn downward & i admitted to ERC denver 9 days ago. this is extremely hard & terrifying. most days I think to myself "i can't do this anymore" but i still find myself pushing through. my team told me things are progressing quickly! I'm becoming much more medically stable, I am on level 2 as of yesterday, completing all meals/snacks even with the meal plan increases & making friends here. every day in treatment I experience my highest highs and my lowest lows & ive come to accept that this process is far from linear.
if u wanna write me letters dm me for address❣️
#nightsnack 🍫All these chocolate and the NEW Protein Milkyway🙏(btw: Balisto-closeup) Heute morgen hatte ich echt das Gefühl, es wäre November! So grau und nebelig war es hier😱Bei euch auch⛄️🤔Habe es nachmittags leider nicht geschafft, mir in der Stadt etwas "schönes" zu kaufen...🤦🏽♀️Hätte ja gerne einen neuen Schal, ein Parfüm oder eine DVD-Serie gehabt, aber iwie war mir alles zu teuer und ich hätte mich eh nicht entscheiden können🙄Also habe ich letztendlich nichts gekauft😕Jetzt versuche ich wenigstens den Abend schön ausklingen zu lassen(mit Lichterketten!😏), und ihr so?💕 Und achja, #tb zu gestern: Die neue Rittersport-Spekulatius ist der Wahnsinn!😍Kauft sie euch!✌🏼
No two people have the same journey. Every individual's path in life is unique. Acknowledge, accept and appreciate where you are today. Be confident in the choices you make for yourself. "Why I've decided to leave again..." is now live at www.gingergypsea.com 🌏 Subscribe or comment so I know you're reading!
Guten Abend meine Lieben 💛
Ich bin gerade zurück aus dem Phantasialand und natürlich fix und fertig 😴 Es war echt schön aber auch echt anstrengend. Ich fahre ja unheimlich gern Achterbahn, auch wenn ich jedes Mal wieder eher so die Heulsuse bin 😅 Vorher frage ich mich, warum ich mir das an tue und hinterher ist war es dann doch total geil 😂 Mit meinen Freunden war es auch total schön. Es sind einfach die besten, die ich habe und sie kümmern sich so gut um mich und geben immer auf mich acht 💕 Ich weiß, dass ich immer auf sie zählen kann, dass ist echt ein gutes Gefühl 💙
Zum #lunch waren wir in einem richtig coolen Restaurant essen. Dort war es etwas ruhiger und abgeachottetee, als im Rest des Parks und man konnte à la Carte bestellen, dass war für mich sehr angenehm! Und meinen Freunden hat es dort auch sehr gut gefallen 😌 Ich hatte dort eine Portion Gulaschsuppe mit Kartoffeln und Paprika in diesem niedlichen Brotleib 😍 Die war wirklich super lecker und ich habe sogar das komplette Brot aufgegessen 💪 Zum #nachmittagssnack hatte ich sogar noch einen echten #recoverywin !!! Diesen Frozen Yoghurt mit Erdbeeren, Mandelsplittern und Schokoraspeln 😍🍓🍨 Oh Gott, ich weiß nicht mehr, wann ich das letzte mal einen #froyo gegessen habe.. Aber es war so lecker 💙
TW🚨 Leider gab es heute auch ein negatives Erlebnis für mich.. Ich hatte wieder eine Panikattacke, auf einer Wildwasserbahn. Ich wollte von Anfang nicht so gern darauf, weil ich nicht so nass werden und den ganzen Tag frieren wollte. Irgendwie lösen solche Sachen, dass ich frieren, nicht passend gekleidet sein oder mich unwohl fühlen könnte auch schon Stress bei mir aus. Naja generell habe ich mich auf der Bahn sehr unsicher gefühlt. Und ich konnte nicht mal fliehen, weil ich ja in diesem Ding fest saß... Es war so schrecklich.. Ich habe wieder Herzrasen bekommen und hektisch angefangen zu Atmen, zu krampfen und zu zittern; mir wurde so schwindelig. Als ich endlich aussteigen konnte wären mir fast die Beine weg geklappt.. Jetzt habe ich wieder ständig diese Flashbacks und Bilder im Kopf, all meine schlimmsten Attacken erscheinen mir wieder vor Augen.. Es ist so schrecklich, ich will einfach nur, 👇
So today has been an exciting day in my recovery! I have finally reached the 40kg mark!! Which means only 2kg away from getting home😁 I'm so proud of how far I've came, from being admitted at just under 5stone and my bmi under 12, to where I am now! I know I have a long journey ahead when I get home, which won't be easy but I'm so ready to get healthy now! So tonight I celebrated with a wee chippy takeaway💪🏻
Dessert after a fish dinner 💁🏼 arla protein yog and a millionaire shortbread (ps they always look odd because I defrost them from the freezer 😂) This arla flavour is so good 😍 I want to do a review of all the flavours sometime 👀
Was supposed to go to Southampton with mum and grandma today but the M3 was closed so we ended up diverting to Guildford. Went for a wagas lunch (second day in a row ftw) and I got Katsu curry 😍
Came home and went to the gym for shoulders 💪🏼 ✨
Sorry for the lack of posts - I've been so busy lately! 😅 Hope you've all had a lovely day ❤️
Okay so at first glance this might look like my normal nightsnack BUT LOOK IN THE CUP!!! IS THAT.... HOT CHOCOLATE!?
YE S IT ISSS AAAAAAA
ANA CAN SUCK MY DICK CAUSE I WONT FEEL GUILTY FOR THIS!
Now tbh.... I honestly prefer my nightsnack w tea cause that works better with digestives 😅 but that wont make me feel guilty for having it! Even if hot chocolate wasnt as good as i rememberd and i didnt really like it i WONT FEEL GUILTY! In fact im sooo proud of myself for trying it since i have been thinking about having hot chocolate for a reeeeally long time!
Today has been a really good day for me (probably cause i have had a lot of distractions on hand) but im not gonna lie... This hot chocolate did TW bring back the super strong urge to purge TWO so i will keep distracting myself so i dont do anything stupid. Ill write my diary entry and then maybe play some guitar.
I hope you guys had a wonderfull day!🙌❤
Yesterday went really well! Appointment was 👍🏼 Dinner had me stressing out a bit but it was nice to see a friend 😊Once I was back home, I hung out with my sister while my mom took a nap because she had a tooth pulled 😫😂Today we're going to my sisters school for some carnival thing, I don't know ha. I really need to do homework... but I REALLY don't want to 😐So I might just hang out with another friend instead 💁🏻~S
A big ol' tuna sandwich with real mayo and real thick bread for #lunch today 😊😊 I ate this at a park because today a bunch of Chileans are getting together to celebrate Chile's independence day!
Truthfully I almost didn't come to this because right before I was crying due to some things Mom said to me that I feel as though I am worthless and as though i am never enough for her. Mom always makes statements that in a way have that kind of feeling. Like I'm not good enough, I'm or trying hard enough, I am not enough.... So I was crying and mom asked if I was gonna go and I said no and then mom said I was "always" isolating which isn't try so I starting crying even more... anyways I talked to dad and he calmed me down so I ended up coming but I still feel terrible... 😔😔 But I am still trying to be somewhat social a d talk so feel better and isn't semi working it not... I just feel very low and worthless today 😓
But I am always fighting no matter what 💪
Enjoy your weekend guys 💕😊
A snapshot from one of our Symposium keynote speakers, Laura Hill, PhD from the Center for Balanced Living! We loved this interactive presentation about Brain-Based Eating Disorder Treatment! More photos to come! #vcsymposium#brainbasedtreatment#eatingdisorderrecovery Thanks for the pic, @aylowrie!
Grabbed a cupcake after practice (wouldn't have done it a month ago #yolo 😏) yesterdayyyy.🤗 Today we had a game and, although we didn't win, we played our hearts out.😌 Happy weekend lovelies!!
I was thinking about how passionate my soccer team tries to be, and I realized something. Think about something you're super passionate about (for me it would be treating others with kindness, soccer, and being there for family💜). You feel really strongly about it and are super dedicated, right? We should all try to have that same passion with recovery. It's hard to be passionate about other things we care about if we're wrapped up in a deadly disorder. If you want life back, you'll have to be determined. You'll have to fight. Keep your head up, sunshine.☀️💖