Dinner is a delicious coconut veggies wrap. So good. I was still hungry after so I had a sweet potato too. .
I don’t count calories anymore. My body knows what it needs more that counting does. If you’re hungry, eat. If you had dinner already but are still hungry then eat. Food is necessary for survival. Food gets us through the day and gives us energy to get stuff done. If you finished dinner but are craving some food then eat some more food. If you finished dinner but are craving some chocolate then eat some chocolate. I have some chocolate every day. The best thing I ever did was stop counting and measuring and being mindful of and giving my body what it needs.
I FOUND THE CHERRY BAKEWELL MÜLLER RICE!! 🍒😍 been looking for this for about 2 weeks and finally stumbled across it in sainsbo’s yesterday 👌🏻👌🏻 and boy it’s gooooooood 😋 alongside an apple 🍎 hot chocolate and a galler chocolate 🍫☺️ just watched dancing on ice this evening and caught up on a few other programmes 👍🏻 and got school first thing so up bright and early 😭 sleep tight guys 💚
This was legitimately sooo good, and so easy to make! ☺️💚
All I did was take Green Giant frozen spiraled zucchini, canned water chestnuts, pre-cooked Chicken of the Sea Salmon (the kind from the pouches), 2 tablespoons gluten free soy sauce, and 1 teaspoon of McCormick sriracha black pepper spice, threw it in my wok and fried until the water chestnuts and salmon were nice and crispy. It seriously tasted like sweet and spicy chow mein. Probably one of the best things I’ve ever made.
Second women’s march on the books for me, this one in my hometown. The body acceptance movement is inherently a feminist movement. It’s about recognizing the messages we hear as women daily, and how diet culture helps keep us stuck by allowing us to focus on something that is outside our control (aka changing our bodies into something they’re not) rather than focusing on growing ourselves. It keeps us stuck, and is a subtle tactic to keep us down. Accepting our bodies and allowing other parts of life to become more important is a subversive act. This is not meant to exclude any other groups, and also applies to the journeys of men and especially LGBTQ+ individuals. We all have our own unique experiences, and yet all share the struggle of cultivating our own identities in a world that tells us we need to change. Don’t change. Rise up. #edrecovery#edfamily#riseup#womensmarch
Hi 💋 Today was kinda difficult... Ana was so loud and after skipping my MS and eating really disordered at lunch, my parents talked to me about about why I was relapsing. I ended up running upstairs crying 😢 My mom came to my room and we talked for a few hours... After that I felt a little better but today was still very difficult. Now I feel more motivation again so thats good 💪🏻 Tomorrow I’m going to the psychiatrist for the first time, who will hopefully help me with my depression. I also have a psychologist appointment so that good.
- Breakfast: a bowl of Brinta porridge + seeds + a teaspoon of my new cranberry & cinnamon peanut butter (really good!)
- MS: /
- Lunch: 1,5 bun with a piece of sweet red pepper 🌶, a small piece of herring 🐟 and half a slice of ham 🍖
- AS: 2 small bowls of granola + a few cereals + 1 prune + 6 lychees
- Dinner: a Mexican tortilla 🌯with beans and lentils and some veggies (cucumber 🥒, tomato 🍅, sweet red pepper 🌶) and 3/4 advocado 🥑
- NS: a small bowl of paprika chips (#fearfood !)
Good night sleep tight xxx 💕💫
ugh godamn i️ had this long ass inspiring caption typed out and ig deleted my post uggggghhhhh so salty but i’ll type again *************************************************************so as some of you may or may not know, i️ am a HUGE feminist. and i️ have been looking forward to going to this women’s march since last april. but when things got tough and ana got loud, i️ didn’t think i’d be out of the hospital to go. and my predictions were so close to becoming true. for the past week, the plan was for me to go back to inpatient today for the next 4-6 weeks. every morning i️ woke up and felt like this was so hopeless and so impossible and i️ couldn’t wait to be back in ip with my tube. but suddenly and spontaneously, i️ told my parents that i️ really did think i️ could recover on my own, and i️ begged them to give me another chance to prove it. so they did, and i️ will stay true to my word and i️ will recover at home. it’s going to be hard, really really hard, but so is recovery. but anywayyyys, guess what i️ did instead of going back to the hospital?? i️ paraded my ass around my town, holding protest signs and chanting with the strong, beautiful women around me. so recover to do beautiful things like this that you love, because feminism rocks and trump can smd😘😘 anorexiarecovery #anarecovery#anorexianervosa#edrecovery#edwarrior#edfamily#eatingdisorderrecovery#eatingdisorder#food
Sunday night snacking☕️with tea and bran flakes💙 I’m lying up all cozy watching shrek for the 101th🙄😂 what can I say I’m a softie for fairytales🤷♀️😁 happy Sunday everyone hope this week brings you more joy, happiness and peace❤️ we can smash it👊🏻💪🏻
•21/01••Some meals from the past two days•
I haven't really been active lately, I've just been taking a mental break, and honestly I feel so into recovery right now. Sure, I have some times when I feel so in the grasp of anorexia, but nowhere near how it used to be. This is what's it's like to be in recovery, to realise that a meal that's 100 calories more than normal isn't actually THAT much, because weight fluctuates normally, and even if weight does go a little over average that's ok, because if you can gain weight you can lose that weight too. Recovery is all about getting healthy, and if that means gaining weight then so be it but that's not the meaning of recovery. Recovery is realising you're sick enough to need treatment, that even though you might not look like that girl with a BMI of 13, you're still sick. It's realising that even though you feel like bran is your favourite cereal, it's really coco pops. it's about realising what part of you is sick, and working to heal that. That's what recovery is. And I'm actually in it.
What I ate today: •Breakfast: 2 weetabix + 300ml milk + a crumpet + jam+ tea🥣☕️🥞🍞
•Morning snack: 8 breadsticks + a plum🍎🍇🍑🥖
•Lunch: A toasted tortilla + crab meat(not nice) + veggies + milkybar chocolate🍫🌯🥙🦀🥦🥕🥒🥗
•Afternoon snack: Frozen raspberries + cold strawberries🍓🍓
•Dinner: Char kuay teow (fried noodles with about 3 tbs oil)🍜🍛
•Night snack: Dates + a kinder surprise egg + cornetto ice cream + yogurt🍫🥚🍇🍦🍨
~ Cookie Dough Ben&Jerry’s is my absolute favourite ~
If you haven’t seen @elliemaysrecovery latest post about what you wish someone had told you before your eating disorder fully took over, I really think you should take the time to read it. It really hit me hard and got me thinking…my response to her post is:
I wish someone would have told me that losing weight was not going to make me more confident, make people like me more or even make me like myself more. I wish someone would have told me that my relationships with my family and friends would be destroyed. That all trust would be lost. That I’d be forced out of uni/have to quit my part time job. That I’d be on 24/7 bed rest for 3 months or forced inpatient. That at 19 years old I’d have no say in meals and my parents have to bring everything to me. That my mum would have to give up work (after getting a promotion) just to watch me 24/7 and ensure I stick with my meal plan. That my sister and brother would cry every time they’d see my parents worried or because I’d become a literally demon when I refused to eat. That I’d become distant from my grandparents who were like my second mum and dad. That they’d resent me because they don’t understand and all they see is the pain I’m putting my family through…the words of my granda; “you’re not just killing yourself you’re killing everyone around you” still haunt me. I wish someone would have told me I’d be in pain/cold/miserable all day every day. That I’d pass out and have to get multiple IV’s for fluids. That daily bloods and ECG’s would become the ‘normality’. But worst of all I’d wish someone would have told me that I would lose my entire personality/my entire self. I don’t know who I am anymore.
snack: rice cakes with peanut butter and carrots. i’m home from vacation and i’m going to try my hardest to get back to following my meal plan. i’m feeling so dizzy and tired like i used to and i’m getting so frustrated with myself because obviously the way to fix it is to eat more and to drink gatorade like i’m supposed to. instead of letting that turn into self-hate, i’m going to try and use that as motivation! keep fighting 💪💕
I’m going to apologise now. I’m going to be very negative because I have no positivity left right now. So if you don’t want to read negativity please scroll past my post- this is just my way of trying to somehow get some thoughts out.
I’ve never felt quite so fat and disgusting and worthless. I literally am revolted by myself- I have to get rid of this awful fat- there’s just no point to keeping fighting when life just craps on you regardless. Things at home are shit, things at work are shit, social life doesn’t really exist, my head is full of crap and my future is not getting any better.
Over this weekend a lot of shit has gone done in work as well. Right- it’s not that I form lots of attractions really easily- but once I do I find it really hard to let do. Obviously without going into much detail all this shit has led to one of my favourite people being dismissed- don’t get me wrong it’s a rightful dismissal but I literally just feel betrayed and hurt. I guess I just thought he was genuine and kind and honesty we got in so well but turns out this shit has been going on god knows how long and now I feel like he’s been laughing at me the whole time and actually couldn’t give a flying fuck about anyone but himself.
Nothing makes sense and this just adds to the mess in my head. I’m really and truly gutted- just shows you never know someone. More fool me for being trusting.
My head is screaming and I can’t stand it anymore. Self harm is becoming more of an issue. I need to lose this weight I’m just a problem in the world. It’s like I just can’t lose any but I have to now- I feel like there’s no reason to me. I know I’m being dramatic and ridiculous and pathetic but I’m just brain vomiting.
Tea tonight is vegetable soup and a wheat cracker...I had a big dinner and some chocolate at my grandparents house so my mum took the cals of my tea down, I think she knows I’m always so full on a Sunday night so she doesn’t push me too much and she’d rather I have a bigger dinner and enjoy it instead🥣
Bloating in recovery is inevitable and you simply cannot avoid it. It is a normal and natural response from the body and a distended stomach doesn't mean you're fat! Even those who are healthy and don't suffer from an eating disorder bloat after a meal. It's totally normal and the food we eat has to reside somewhere 🤷🏻♀️ Since starting my real recovery, i've experienced severe, painful bloating day and night and it can be unbearable sometimes 😩 However it's normal for this kind of bloat to last several months and even though my first instinct would be to (TW) restrict, I know this will only make things worse! Restricting is not the answer and it will further reduce the trust between your mind and body and in no way will relieve your bloating. Unlike normal bloating which happens to all, bloating in recovery doesn't go away in the morning and you need to accept that you WILL be bloated pretty much 24/7. You cannot change your body's reaction to food at this point, you have already done enough damage - so it's time to change your mindset.
You need to just trust that your body knows what it is doing and just accept that you're going to be uncomfortable. Yes it's horrible to feel bloated, yes your confidence may not be sky high, yes you're scared, but the only way out is to eat and rest and relax.
Here are my tips for dealing with bloat: 🍭 DO NOT restrict! 🍭 Drink ginger or peppermint tea at night
🍭Wear comfortable, loose clothing if you are feeling self conscious in tight clothing (although you should always aim to challenge yourself!)
🍭 Get enough sleep - really helps with digestion 🍭 Carbs and processed foods are better for bloating (yes they really are)
🍭 Change your mindset! There is no way to remove bloating completely, you have subjected your body to months/ years of damage so it's time to show it some love 💕
I give myself such a hard time for not being successful in a real career by now. Sometimes I let that take away from all the things I have accomplished. ••
For one, I think it is pretty incredible that I was able to graduate and receive a bachelor's degree even though I was struggling with an eating disorder, self harm, and depression. I probably should have taken a break from school, but my parents still didn't know what I was going through. Still don't. It is really hard when your family is the main cause. But anyways, I stayed strong and did it! That's when I was able to really start working towards recovery. Once I graduated, there was this huge weight lifted from my shoulders, but I realized it still didn't solve all my problems. Because college wasn't the cause of my ED, and I had to accept that first.••
Slowly and gradually everything starts to make more sense. I'm starting to understand more and more everyday why I am the way I am. It isn't always easy to make these realizations, but it absolutely key to a full recovery. 💜🖤
Hey guys! Today, I am proud of myself ☺️ I woke up feeling bloated, and I haven’t had great body image, and usually on days like this, I find myself caving in to anorexia and weighing myself- and obviously, often, it is a little up, and then I feel even more shit for the rest of the day 😩 BUT- today, I fought back, I won, I did not step on the scales, I did not give in to the monster within! I rationalised, BLOATING. IS. NORMAL! It’s a side effect of eating food guys, it’s a sign your body is digesting that food, it’s a bit of excess gas, and I am NOT going to let that make me feel shit 👍🏻 I ate a very large bowl of pasta last night, and tbh when I’d eaten I knew I would probably feel bloated today, but I enjoyed that food, and that’s far more important! 😊 had grilled cheese and marmite on toast with an orange 🍊 for an easy and simple Sunday supper today but it wasn’t particularly attractive so have a photo of me and my doggo instead bc she’s very cute 👍🏻 hope you’ve all had a nice Sunday 😘
Lunch this afternoon! •
Today's been pretty busy, to say the least! Usually Sunday's are my GYST (Get Your S*** Together ) days, but since I went back to my hometown for my (early) bday party, it's been LOTS and LOTS of traveling. This morning I woke up around 8:00 , had a bowl of my fav cereal (raisin bran) and hit the road for around 4 hours. I just got home a little while ago , just in time to make this (delicious) lunch! The rest of my day is probably going to be spent making this house look like Disney on ice 😂, doing laundry, etc. ... • •
I hope you all have had an okay/good day!! Stay strong, loves! Xx ❤️❤️💕
Again, not extremely photogenic but seriously yummy ! Courgette, leek, cauliflower and spinach in spices and soya cream.
I had cake with my family in the afternoon so I went for a veggie only meal tonight to make up for it and it really doesn't feel like a punishment.
Also I think it's the first time I actually compensate line this so I'm really proud of this new-found wisdom 😆
Das war mein Abendessen. Magerquark mit Flavourdrops, einem halben Apfel, einer halben Banane, einem zerdrückten Keks und ein paar Schokotropfen.😋
War sehr lecker!
Ich habe jetzt lange überlegt und beschlossen mit dem Kalorienzählen aufzuhören. Es bedrückt mich, langweilt mich, macht mich nervös und fertig. Früher hab ich schließlich auch nicht darauf geachtet wie viel Gramm ein Stück Apfel hat. 🤔
Ich werd einfach versuchen klein anzufangen und Schritt für Schritt davon wegzukommen. Aber vorallem möchte ich intuitiv essen da mir das die letzten Wochen sehr schwer gefallen ist. Entweder habe ich zu viel gegessen, nur wegen dem Ereichen der Kalorien gegessen oder zu wenig..
Ich fühle mich in meinem Körper zwar überhaupt nicht wohl, weil ich mittlerweile 53kg wiege. 8 Kilo in weniger als 2 Monaten zunehmen ist schon schlimm genug, aber damit klarkommen ist der Horror...
Mein Wunsch ist nach wie vor die 48 - 50 kg zu erreichen, aber vielleicht ist das ja der Fehler. Ständig habe ich daran gedacht wieder auf dieses Gewicht zu kommen, was warscheinlich auch zu den ganzen Essanfällen geführt hat.
Schönen Sonntag noch💓
To whoever hates my vile old lady face and pictures so much, this one is for you. Byebye🖕🏻 Takes a lot of courage to bash someone on an anonymous website so good for you! So proud😘 To everyone else who supports me, I got some work to do today which is nice cause I’m really bored. Meals are still really hard. Positive: Saw my family and Dylan yesterday💕 This is day 7. Lots more to go.