I’m washing my binders right now, and after that I’m going to pack them up in boxes and ship them off to other trans kids across the country. Earlier today when I took a shower, I took off the surgical tape from my scars. Today has been full of (or what feel like) monumental moments. From the outside these moments probably seem like just small occurrences along the big chain my journey. For some reason, the culmination of one part of my journey (binding) and the beginning of another (loving my new body) just got to me tonight. Packing up those binders signifies the end of years upon years of torture. But, truth be told, I can’t thank those binders enough for what they did for me. I was able to function and feel more like myself in them. When I gently peeled those strips off my scars today, I got to see my chest, the chest I will have for the rest of my life for the first time. I love my scars, they are perfect. That doesn’t mean I wont try and get ginormous pecs to have them fall under one day (20 year goal??). I’m proud of these scars and only hesitated slightly when I decided to post this picture, because those things on my chest never belonged to me, so I couldn’t care less who sees them. 2 weeks post op tomorrow. I am the happiest I have ever been, and for the first time in a while, I felt excited for my future.
This is a weird thought but should I just .. give up on trying to transition? My parents don't approve so I can't really take any big steps and there are other people who are.. the only way to put it is "better at being trans" you know? Like I look like a girl and I get misgendered all the time and I don't even have a proper binder, I can't cut my hair any shorter because my parents won't let me. Idk it's stupid.
Rainy school days 🌧 pretty excited about my hrt appointment in less than 2 weeks. I have a lot of questions I want to ask and just feel like I’m on the right track finally. Also v nervous about coming out, mainly to my gf’s family more than anything. I’m planning on telling my brother first, just because I kinda came out to him before and he’s very accepting.
I don’t know if I’ll be able to start T the day of my appointment, if they’ll prescribe it for me, or if my gf’s parents will allow me to since I live with her and her family for right now I don’t want to cross any boundaries as I’m grateful to have a place to stay until I figure everything (my life) out.
Just so overwhelmed but so excited ✨
First day of classes!
School gives me crazy anxiety for several reasons. As I've began to be more male passing, the fear of people using the wrong pronouns has demisnished. However, my name still isn't legally changed. And the last thing I want is to hear my birth name, so to avoid this I emailed my professors ahead of time. Swipe to see. And all of them responded back acceptingly and happily changed my name in their records. --
I will never not be nervous walking into a space of strangers. But I refuse to let that hold me back from walking in. I'll be present. And now, that I'm strong again, I'll be heard.