Wish I could find that person who makes me feel like home. I feel like I'll never be happy again. I miss you, my magnetic zero. I wish you didn't turn into such a monster. You ruined me in the greatest and worst ways. I'll always cherish everything we had. I miss the way you made me feel but I will never get over the abuse I suffered. You were my captor and I was willing. You are my Stockholm syndrome.
So I woke up a minute ago and my head is so fucking heavy. I slept more than two hours but actually I feel a lot worser. I need to drink smth today or else I think I might collapse and I can't do that today bc I am going to visit my Singingteacher from privatlesson bc she wanted to show me her acoustic room where the voice sounds a lot better than in the room I normally sing. So I need to eat and to drink today but we don't have food in the new house(I moved and I'm living with my fosterfather, my twin and my new fostersister in this house but my fostermother still lives in the old one.) and somehow my mother won't buy any food bc when I look in the kitchen there is literally nothing I can eat because I have an sensible stomach and from a lot of things my stomach hurts and I think I need to throw up. Last night I had this nightmare again and I cried while dreaming (why is this even possible) when I woke up my eyes where teary but not this normal teary that when you wake up your eyes are like glued together. It was different. My Pillow was wet and my whole face was like full of dry tears. (Idk if you understand what I mean)
Güzel bir uykunun o mekanla olan ilişkisi etle tırnak gibidir ve ayrılmaz bir bütündür.. Bunu gençlere yaşanabilir kılmak ise ebeveynlerin bu işi tasarımcılarına bırakmasıyla mümkündür.. Mümkün olanı yaşamanız dileğiyle mutlu hafta sonları.. 😊
A dead man once told me to open my mind to the pretend, "fore soon they become real."
He told me to open my heart to the forgotten, "Fore they too have an appeal." Upon the ghostly white face of that dead man, eyes of pure gold,
His white body stood tall and lanky, the touch of dead flesh grew cold.
I opened my mind and began to see clear reality,
My heart opened wide to find those forgotten knew the truth of actuality.
I asked him why he blessed me with this knowledge, wishing me off so well,
He told me how he had not known, causing him to fall to a death more unpleasant than Hell.
That somber dead man then fled to his grave,
Just as he vanished he whispered "Be brave." I pass on this event to tell you all,
Open your mind and heart or soon you too shall fall.
💐#poetry 🌸 #emotional 🌸 #vent 🌸 🌸 #memories 🌸 #childhood 🌸 #innocent 🌸 #comfort 🌸 #soft 🌸 #aesthetic 🌸 #pale 🌸 #sweet 🌸 #love 🌸 #grunge 🌸 #dark 🌸 #trauma 🌸 #ptsd 🌸 #csa 🌸 #anxiety 🌸 #depression 🌸 #bulimia 🌸 #bpd 🌸 #psychosis 🌸 #selfharm 🌸 #pain 🌸 #staystrong 🌸 #hope 🌸 #spirituality 💐
I can't sleep. Sometimes I still think about this a lot even though this happened when I was 13.
Never really talked about it much. It took me a long time to accept that this happened to me and that it wasn't my fault.
All I ever wanted was for some one to believe me and believe that this really happened to me... Something similar happened another time before this and my mom found out but just called me a whore.
This isn't even the first time something happened. I was also molested by another person when I was 5 and then again at about 9. But nobody cared.. I don't even know where I'm going with this. I just wanted to get some of it off my chest. If you actually read all of this, sorry. I might just delete this later.