I feel like crying. So much things to cry about but no reasons. I feel like Im messing everything up, the relationships with my family, friends loosing interested in me because I’ve fucked up so much times. All of my misfortunes have happened because I was too stupid to see ahead. I walk with my face down, so I don’t meet eye contact with anyone, I contract my eyes mid convocation because I don’t want them to look at the details of my face, all the scars, all the flaws but most importantly I don’t want them to see the hopelessness and pain I hide in my eyes, Ive learnt to deal with my problems myself, well by deal I mean hiding them and eventually forgetting them so they don’t come bursting out of me and hitting someone else. I’ve matured so much in the past years, not because I’m a few years older but because I’ve realised that pain doesn’t go away, you forget it, you think after one traumatising event another won’t appear again for a while but thats not the case. After too many hits the pain becomes normal, what you used to cry about doesn’t affect you anymore, being called ugly or disgusting doesn’t hurt anymore what hurts is remembering his voice and hands, what hurts is looking back to how venerable and innocent you were and knowing nothing can change the that.
Let's hang out is what you said. Not knowing what to expect, I went. Day after day I tried to overcome it. All I needed was just a friend, all I needed was someone to comprehend. You were unexpected. You were that change. And for that I will amen.
Happy Friday! You know what that means time to kick back and chill all weekend long.
What are your plans for the weekend?
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