"My love for you burned through my veins, it felt like everyday was a hot summer day." ---
For those who saw my story I ended up getting the princess saves herself in this one by @ladybookmad ❤️ -IM SO EXCITED TO READ IT 😊- I let you, how it is ❤️ Hope everyone's having a wonderful day! ❤️
The root of my self image issues started when I was 8 years old. My step dad would always daunt me by saying shit to me that would affect how I looked. He would always call me ‘skinny’ and while for some that doesn’t seem like a huge thing. Others would be in disgust when they’d see that my collarbones were protruding. Words can and has affected my self esteem issues. At one point I started questioning myself why I looked a certain way or why I couldn’t fatten up because jeans that were size 6 would just hang, like all I was is bones. But there was also a point in time where I started to gain weight. And that did make me self conscious not because I was afraid to gain a few kgs but the fact that I had an idea of what I wanted to look like. So when I would think aloud and say oh I need to go gym. Or when the family heard that I had started going gym, they’d laugh and be like, “why do you need to go gym”? “what else is there to lose weight from”? Family would give me the side eye as if I had said something wrong because overall I’m skinny. And there would be no point to even think about being healthy because being skinny is being healthy. Fucked up logic if you ask me. God has made us in different sizes. But we are all beautiful the way we are. There is nothing wrong with wanting to gain or lose a few kgs. After all, it is our bodies and we can do as we like. But in saying that, it does take a lot of strength mentally to eliminate what others say. Because till this day (10+ years), I still have self image issues. And it sucks. Looking in the mirror and trying to be okay with how I look without seeing those negative words float around me is a mission. But I know I’ll get there some day.
🔪A Sickness of The Mind🔪 “A once merciful heart torn apart by the sharp knife of heartbreak, mascara tinted tears fall from my eyes like a black rain, and a dark and endless void fills my soul. Whatever hope, love, and happiness I had left is gone now. Anger runs rampant throughout my body, but I choose to bottle it up rather than let it all out. Days pass and I slowly become a ticking time bomb of mental and emotional instability. The anger is festering in my mind like an infected wound, I can already feel it getting under my skin. Painfully numb and slowly being consumed by darkness, I try anything just so I can feel, but the festering rage distorts the thoughts in my mind. I’m constantly plagued by sleepless nights and just the thought of being in love again makes me nauseous. So what is heartbreak like, you ask? Heartbreak is more than one of the worst feelings in the world; heartbreak makes you bitter, heartbreak makes you do and say things you know you shouldn’t, and heartbreak, in some cases, is a sickness of the mind. “ here’s a little poem I wrote #poetryattempt#asicknessofthemind#heartbreakpoetry
Poem below! -
Our love was built on carbon, under pressure. Amount of gun fire and triumph for a lifetime.
Our love was built on heartbreak and misery.
But of course we both knew misery loves company.
Our love was built upon the madness and false hope of the world.
We both knew how hard it will be for our love to survive.
But here we are.
It survived. Carbon pressure. Gun fire. Heartbreaks. Triumphs. Hopelessness. And false hope.
We fall in love with the idea of people at the beginning of a relationship. Our heart is the most precious gift you can trust someone to hold. If you give someone the gift of your heart too quickly, you haven’t allowed time for your evaluation process. The evaluation process shows that you honor and value your own heart. That real love and trust doesn't develop because of an idea it's through actions of a person's character over time.