"Without confidence you'll never make it work. It magically evolves us on the inside which shows on the outside" -Josh Coats
The photo on the left was taken the day I decided to become a fitness coach. February 7, 2014. I was out of shape, working on my own fitness and super excited to share my progress over the past month. I wasn't confident whatsoever. I heard people say how they saw what I was doing but didn't believe in it yet. I didn't believe in myself yet.
It's amazing how the Universe can show you the path you are meant to be on, without you even knowing. To this day I can't imagine life if I had continued drinking, eating awful, feeling awful and beating myself up for little things.
Coaching has taught me how to take my life into my own hands, be confident in my body (even after two babies) and that I can help others find the light within.
Today I can write these words in complete confidence "I LOVE myself right NOW"
given the past 48 hours, my #cat is like "hey #mom , is it safe to come out yet?" i have a horrible #irish temper. i got it from my beloved #father & sometimes i say things i shouldn't. i'll apologize for a certain word i called someone recently but i won't apologize for wanting #respect in the form of #honest#communication . #perception is #reality and the perception is that someone told me one thing and then did another when a simple "hey this is what's up" or even a simple "hey i'm sorry" #apology afterwards would have sufficed. instead it looked like a big ol "eff you, i'm having a good time while you stress out about our mutual responsibility". when a person makes no effort to #communicate you have no choice but to call them out publicly to #protect yourself (read about creating a paper trail in the digital age) & hope that your mutual #friends will be like "hey that's not cool." & also not enable #shady behavior. i can be #humble enough to admit my #shortcomings so again i'm sorry for something said in anger. that being said, i am to the point of being done with people who know certain things trigger my chronic #migraine condition & yet they choose to mess with my triggers. friends don't do that to friends...at least in my book.
I was too hungry to post a pic of my dinner, I had a veggie burger with mushrooms and onion sauteed. And this big beautiful cherokee purple tomato from my garden. I've been struggling with the #plantbaseddiet for the last couple of days. In still a work in progress, and seeing how some hard core vegans put people down for not making the same choice makes me not want to be #vegan . Being hateful to people does not help your cause. For one thing, 40 years of diet isn't going to change overnight. I'm not normally one to cause friction, but just being #honest#showlove#kindness#dobetter#veggieburger#homegrown
I spent the past three days diligently avoiding Instagram and I managed to survive a whole 72 hours with out opening put his app once. Spending more time in the 'real world' versus this one online has been many kinds of wonderful. Maybe I'm just starting to feel that this space is so far from reality and I'm craving more honesty and rawness that I find in other places. Maybe the concept of taking photos of our meals is actually really bizarre and weird when you really think about it, or maybe I'm just over thinking everything which I have a tendency to do. Either way I still love connecting with people through social media and I also love creating and sharing food, although I definitely find it more difficult to be 'real' on this space than my blog, I'm still always drawn back to the beautiful friends I've made here and the pretty photos. The photo above is from my time last year on the Sunshine Coast. God I miss the warmth of the sun and sound of the sea, the smell of salt in the air and biting into a fresh mango as juice trickles down my chin. The Sunshine Coast is one of my favourite places in the world. I want this space to be more than just food because my life is so much more than what I eat.
I wrote that "these beautiful creatures make counseling a little bit more bearable..."truth is with counseling now twice a week, I don't know that it is. When I'm finished Tuesday I come home and feel like I've physically been hit by a truck. By the time Wednesday session is over I want to crawl in a hole and bury myself. I hate it. I hate having to work through things that shouldn't have happened to me in the first place. I hate having to rewire every part of my damn brain because I'm "not supposed to think this way." I hate that because of things that have happened or things I've done or things I think, I hate myself. Counseling today was great... to be honest it was fairly surface level until the last 2 minutes... but sometimes it's not about what I say, it's about what I don't.. it's about what I think of for the rest of the day. •
I desire rest. Whatever that looks like.. I want it. •