You were amazing.
You've been amazing all along, even when things went wrong and nights were spent with tears flowing down the pillow, even when you failed at times, even when you were broken and ripped several times, even when you tripped over things and fell down with people laughing on you, even when people lied to you and you felt like just a piece of you shattered, even at times when things came crashing down, even at pasting fake smiles.
You've been amazing even when you stole chocolates, even when you ate your tiffin while the teacher was still teaching in the class, even at enjoying the punishments at school like you got the freaking Oscar, even at the times while doing your favourite step with your friends in the school toilet, also when you sang Taylor Swift and One Direction songs at the top of your voice in the school corridors, when you danced on school benches.
You've been amazing in being hilarious, in choosing people, in laughing like there's a stone stuck inside your throat, in jumping on the sofas like a monkey with his arse on fire, in stealing food from people's plates after finishing yours, in taking duck face selfies, in staring hot waiters at hotels, in burning people's arse with your sarcastic replies and comments, in making memories.
You were amazing at annoying the shit out of people.
You were amazing because you were strong all along.
You were amazing because you healed yourself and people around you.
You were amazing because you survived.
//a letter to my 15-year-old-self//
On Some Promising Evening by Eli Perez.
I wish I could’ve told you I was broken
that whatever game you thought we might play
was doomed from the start
we’d made false plans
you turned the spark up on your twinkling eyes
I was shuffling feet and bursting grin
it was all I could think about that day
drunk with adolescence
seconds dropping from an anxious clock
whispering blind expectation
until evening finally came
and swept me onto your living room couch
text books, study notes strewn about
your parents, far away, dumping trust on you
as a way of dismissal and lazy childcare
the Lower East Side traffic
a horn section assaulted by screeching percussions
cat calling from out your window
the second floor hideout of two trembling souls
the obvious hanging like tinsel between us
then the hours fell
one after the other
youth’s duality of cursed blessing was all the buzz
until you peeked at your watch
replaced excitement with determination
exercised desperate courage
landing us on your single bed
where fumbling, clumsy fingers, hasty hands
made it crystal clear
one of us was fucked up
you figured it was you
then maybe decided it was me
we got dressed and you offered consolation
a plate of pancakes with sliced bananas
we kissed goodbye
dawn lay quiet on my desolate bike ride
and all I wanted was to get high
wishing away sunrise
hoping I might somehow die
before I could get home.