Bleak as all the moments strung together seem to me. Alone to pull the seams apart and stitch a patchwork future of the ragged little scraps that fall from where your breath should be.
Silver for the eyes I watched give way to dusk for daylight; for warmth I'll purl the grey from fall to call your auburn hair.
For cold is what I'll make of all the moments I remember, from the fraying threads of winters that you left me here to bear.
The last time
You left bruises on me in the shape of your fingertips
You're long gone before they even begin to fade
I touch those spots longingly I don't even have a memory of you that's not tainted with the addictions we knew, thought of getting them as a tattoo so I'll always have a piece of you with me
A way to remind me that you hurt me with no hesitations or explanations
I seem to blur the bad memories like your hand coming up fast to hit me, always in a place blind to anyone but you or I
The chemistry was a crackling electricity, I'd lie and forgive the way you kissed me with a closed fist for another reason on your list of how I was a disappointment, not a perfect fit, so you threw darts of lit cigarettes.
Why can't I get this in my head yet?
You're a black hole and I just keep getting sucked into your world, fingers curled.
The only expression other than ecstasy on me was a flinch, automatic with you
But in bed the hate was worth my tear stained state under the covers
What makes the pleasure worth the pain? Making excuses for you again and again, crossing a line that I keep pushing back further and further in my mind
Telling me you've changed but never an apology, it was an anthem and just another analogy for us and the formality so I could take you back another time
I was lost and you found my insecurity, your confidence locking me in with a fear and security so that no one ever owned me like you did, when I needed to be loved so much I thought hurting me so deeply must have meant you cared just as much, it was just a crutch for how much I hated me and thought I deserved the pain, even in the worst of us I was the only one to blame.
Even now you text me and I reply,
I always believed you could change for me
Sometimes you don't realize how toxic certain people are in your life until you have parted ways. After they are gone it's like a breath of fresh air. Look around at those you interact with and notice how they make you feel. If isn't good, special, or if you find yourself questioning their motives it may be time to do some clean up. #breathe#freshair#noclouds#loveyourtruth#sincerelyyours
I don’t know how it is you are so familiar to me - or why it feels less like I am getting to know you and more as though I am remembering who you are. How every smile, every whisper brings me closer to the impossible conclusion that I have known you before, I have loved you before - in another time, a different place - some other existence. For you are the universe, you are time and life. You make me wonder and gaze. And.. and I believe in magic.
your love was explosive,
rooting me in place--
it was bursting with colors
brightening my dark nights
to keep me in place,
hook, line and sinker
i was caught
too caught up
no wonder what became after,
the next thing I know
you gradually faded
into thin air
and then your gone--
all that's left were once again
my dark, empty night sky
January 24, 2018 - 9:51AM
Perfect words to read as I fall into bed to rest.
Regram @s.c.lourie “When you've stopped settling and it's one of those hard days where birthing your dreams into being feels an impossible task. The blood, the sweat, the tears, they *are* all worth it. Pause. Take a breath. And resume once you've taken your rest. You will do this.”