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I’ve got 99 problems and a lipstick shade for every one of them (credit to Micah for this beauty btw) #accurate #same #actuallyme #roasted #drawing #roastme #imamess #jokesonme #mylife #true #hashtagabuse
Lately I have had the new car itchπŸ˜‘.
Last night I was talking about wanting a new car.
This morning I managed to carpool with my coworker who drives the car I wantπŸ™„.
Walking around during training and ran into these signs by some high school studentsπŸ˜‚ #jokesonme#nonewcarhere#ihatebills
Lately I have had the new car itchπŸ˜‘. Last night I was talking about wanting a new car. This morning I managed to carpool with my coworker who drives the car I wantπŸ™„. Walking around during training and ran into these signs by some high school studentsπŸ˜‚ #jokesonme #nonewcarhere #ihatebills 
Today is my 1 year employment anniversary at Topgolf! How do I mark the occasion, you ask?

Jury duty.  Well played, universe. Very well played.
#happyanniversary #jokesonme #juryduty #cattlecall
When you make a situation awkward by talking too much, you only make it worse by going on and on and on πŸ˜…πŸ˜…
#memestextpostsandshit #memestextpostsandmentalhealth #memesandtextposts #memesandshit #memes #meme #me #jokesonme #jokes #lol #funny #relatable #shitpost #shitoftday #shitpost #sharing #oversharing #over #awkward #weird #dumb #talk #selfcontrol #happy #sad #regret #social #shy #introvert #shygirl #introvertproblems
When you make a situation awkward by talking too much, you only make it worse by going on and on and on πŸ˜…πŸ˜… #memestextpostsandshit  #memestextpostsandmentalhealth  #memesandtextposts  #memesandshit  #memes  #meme  #me  #jokesonme  #jokes  #lol  #funny  #relatable  #shitpost  #shitoftday  #shitpost  #sharing  #oversharing  #over  #awkward  #weird  #dumb  #talk  #selfcontrol  #happy  #sad  #regret  #social  #shy  #introvert  #shygirl  #introvertproblems 
Got the Tuesday morning feels? Don’t worry, we’re here to give you a helping hand πŸ‘Š
Got the Tuesday morning feels? Don’t worry, we’re here to give you a helping hand πŸ‘Š
#MyLife #MyLifeBeLike #wtf #wth #NeedsToBeSaid #NeedToStopCaring #JokesOnMe to quote #TrentReznor "everyone I know goes away in the end" 😫
When I figure this out I'll let y'all know πŸ€·πŸΌβ€β™€οΈπŸ™πŸΌπŸ˜’πŸ˜” I mean I didn't know I didn't have it until it was over, its been more of a "Bitch you thought" type of situation for me for years and I'm just so very tired πŸ’― .

As in Bitch you thought that narcissistic asshole really loved you? Or Bitch you thought that other one really liked you and not just your phat ass? Or my favorite...Bitch you thought you could trust them? πŸ˜’
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#how #tho #fr #i #miss #a #fantasy #dream #wishfulthinking #potential #bitchyouthought #stupidgirl #silly #bitch #jokesonme #latenightthoughts #latenightfeels #TheBitchyEmpath #dontknowshit #rn
When I figure this out I'll let y'all know πŸ€·πŸΌβ€β™€οΈπŸ™πŸΌπŸ˜’πŸ˜” I mean I didn't know I didn't have it until it was over, its been more of a "Bitch you thought" type of situation for me for years and I'm just so very tired πŸ’― . As in Bitch you thought that narcissistic asshole really loved you? Or Bitch you thought that other one really liked you and not just your phat ass? Or my favorite...Bitch you thought you could trust them? πŸ˜’ . . #how  #tho  #fr  #i  #miss  #a  #fantasy  #dream  #wishfulthinking  #potential  #bitchyouthought  #stupidgirl  #silly  #bitch  #jokesonme  #latenightthoughts  #latenightfeels  #TheBitchyEmpath  #dontknowshit  #rn 
CAPTION BELOW! Picture was taken by me on a trip to St. Augustine at the too of the lighthouse. "It feels like its been months, years since we've talked. Time slides between my fingers like the beach sand in a toddler's grasp. I try to hold on, cling tighter. I scratch and claw, scream and cry, but you're drifting further away with every sob that escapes my cracked lips. It feels like my ribcage is bending in, piercing through my heart and out of my back. I find it funny how you asked me to come back, how you made it seem as though you wanted me again. I guess the joke was on me and I'm just now getting the punchline. Its more like a punch to the gut, but I'll laugh along anyway." ~Doll

#sad #relationship #writing #love #depressed #jokesonme #lies #writersofinstagram
CAPTION BELOW! Picture was taken by me on a trip to St. Augustine at the too of the lighthouse. "It feels like its been months, years since we've talked. Time slides between my fingers like the beach sand in a toddler's grasp. I try to hold on, cling tighter. I scratch and claw, scream and cry, but you're drifting further away with every sob that escapes my cracked lips. It feels like my ribcage is bending in, piercing through my heart and out of my back. I find it funny how you asked me to come back, how you made it seem as though you wanted me again. I guess the joke was on me and I'm just now getting the punchline. Its more like a punch to the gut, but I'll laugh along anyway." ~Doll #sad  #relationship  #writing  #love  #depressed  #jokesonme  #lies  #writersofinstagram 
Amigos since Jan 2013✌🏼 Shackles!! So good to hang out with you bro! Pumped about what God is doing in & through your life!! Of course we missed the rest of the band tonight [ @r32jordan & @pagelbites ]!! Spread across 3 states, 1 province, & 2 different countries, who knew I would be the one to end up in KC!πŸ™ˆπŸ˜‚ #JokesOnMe Aquaponics, midwifery, & the military- So proud of my friends & them passionately pursuing all the Lord has for them! #WeNeedAReunion #ywamily #YWAMJanuary2013JusticeandCompassionDTSPlusMoreAcroynms
Amigos since Jan 2013✌🏼 Shackles!! So good to hang out with you bro! Pumped about what God is doing in & through your life!! Of course we missed the rest of the band tonight [ @r32jordan & @pagelbites ]!! Spread across 3 states, 1 province, & 2 different countries, who knew I would be the one to end up in KC!πŸ™ˆπŸ˜‚ #JokesOnMe  Aquaponics, midwifery, & the military- So proud of my friends & them passionately pursuing all the Lord has for them! #WeNeedAReunion  #ywamily  #YWAMJanuary2013JusticeandCompassionDTSPlusMoreAcroynms 
Me: β€œI have the best helper. I hit the jackpot with this cat.” 🀣 Sox: β€œI’m 16-years-old, I’m not a child!”
Me: β€œI have the best helper. I hit the jackpot with this cat.” 🀣 Sox: β€œI’m 16-years-old, I’m not a child!”
I love my curly hair, but sometimes it plays pranks on me. #wtfisthis #hair #jokesonme #curlyhair
And this is the other end of the spectrum I’m dealing withπŸ™„ bc god forbid I don’t want to send a nude or make out with a random dude I just metπŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ #jokesonme #guyssuck #foreveralone #storyofmylife
And this is the other end of the spectrum I’m dealing withπŸ™„ bc god forbid I don’t want to send a nude or make out with a random dude I just metπŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ #jokesonme  #guyssuck  #foreveralone  #storyofmylife 
Come here you big beautiful cup of coffee and lie to me about how much we are gonna get done today. #hellomonday #laundryanddishescanwait I've got #betterthingstodo! I declare lots of naps and baby snuggles. #momlife #loganasher.
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I headed out early for Logan's well-baby appointment and he decided to be Mr. Fussy Pants for the last 2-1/2 hours, which is an eternity in newborn-speak. I'm on my third cup of coffee while he finally settles down for a nap. Can I just say he's still a cute lil' guy in his worst fussiness state? #4thandfinalbaby #mrfussypants #butstillsocute #morecoffeeplease #manicmondays #2monthsoldtoday
Come here you big beautiful cup of coffee and lie to me about how much we are gonna get done today. #hellomonday  #laundryanddishescanwait  I've got #betterthingstodo ! I declare lots of naps and baby snuggles. #momlife  #loganasher . . . I headed out early for Logan's well-baby appointment and he decided to be Mr. Fussy Pants for the last 2-1/2 hours, which is an eternity in newborn-speak. I'm on my third cup of coffee while he finally settles down for a nap. Can I just say he's still a cute lil' guy in his worst fussiness state? #4thandfinalbaby  #mrfussypants  #butstillsocute  #morecoffeeplease  #manicmondays  #2monthsoldtoday 
flowers .glitter . braids and makeup!
what more could this little monster ask for πŸ˜πŸ˜‚
#aminotyoursistergoals#jokesonme#monster#allpinkerrthang#girlpower#pinktober
Very curious what my DNA sample will reveal from Ancestry.com :) I am Canadian🍁🍁 100% pure maple sugar.lol #dna #ancestrydna #geneology #rooney #proud #canadian #doucette #dnatest #canada #ancestors #family #familytree #prettyfreelife #curious #digging #letsgo #bloodline #history #thepast #thefuture #allaboutme #jokesonme #whosyourdaddy #genesis #genes #isitme #dare
It's a #wonderful day for pie...pizza pie.

With @jbenjami28 and @joyireland4

#watchwithsound #pizza #foodie #food #delicious  #scandal #mischief #missedit #jokesonme #rascal #rebel #fail #lifewin #funny #joker #stupid #humor #skit #sketch #comedy #sketchcomedy #silly #goals #saxophone #music #storm
Just taking mirror pics in my made up future wedding venue πŸ˜‚πŸ€·πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ #OneDay #JokesOnMe
Just taking mirror pics in my made up future wedding venue πŸ˜‚πŸ€·πŸΌβ€β™€οΈ #OneDay  #JokesOnMe 
Meet Sir Winston. The newest member of our family. He likes to cuddle and eat leaves and we are currently working on posing for camera. #frenchbulldog #sirwinston πŸ’™
Meet Sir Winston. The newest member of our family. He likes to cuddle and eat leaves and we are currently working on posing for camera. #frenchbulldog  #sirwinston  πŸ’™
Photo evidence that my forehead does indeed NOT say β€œhome wrecker” on it πŸ™„πŸ˜‚ #jokesonme #guyssuck #foreveralone #dontcomeatmebro #storyofmylife
Pretty much how today is 😫#itsalwayssunnyinphiladelphia #jokesonme #sweetdees
@haso_ne_hasavo 
#rajkot#jokesonme
There were supposed to be 8 tortillas in the package. Is this some kind of sick joke?! @missionfoodsus I swear I’m not making this up πŸ˜‚ #rippedoff #swindled #missiontortillas #jokesonme
Another day in the books and I don't have much wisdom or insight.  I may, however, have had the strong arm of the Lord reach down and slap some patience into me today.  It feels good to be reminded that I'm only human and to be brought to my knees. It feels even better to be so supported, loved and encouraged by such incredible humans. This brings me to the wisdom (that was not my own) of the day.... Life isn't always what you dreamed it would be, and you won't always get your way. With a little faith and a full heart, you might just get more than you ever dreamt was possible.

#whitegirlwisdomoftheday #whenallelsefails #godsnotdead #loveneverfails #justbe #jokesonme #loveconquersall #loveispatient
Another day in the books and I don't have much wisdom or insight. I may, however, have had the strong arm of the Lord reach down and slap some patience into me today. It feels good to be reminded that I'm only human and to be brought to my knees. It feels even better to be so supported, loved and encouraged by such incredible humans. This brings me to the wisdom (that was not my own) of the day.... Life isn't always what you dreamed it would be, and you won't always get your way. With a little faith and a full heart, you might just get more than you ever dreamt was possible. #whitegirlwisdomoftheday  #whenallelsefails  #godsnotdead  #loveneverfails  #justbe  #jokesonme  #loveconquersall  #loveispatient 
I was only recording because I found it funny that Rosie was finally confined somewhere... #JokesOnMe
I was only recording because I found it funny that Rosie was finally confined somewhere... #JokesOnMe 
When you try to scare the Sh** outta him, πŸ—£but it all goes wrongπŸ˜©πŸ˜©πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚#prankgonewrong#prankfail#pranksonMe#jokesonme#wrongoutcome##instantkarma#lessonlearnedπŸ˜©πŸ‘ŠπŸΎ
Me having a Greatβ„’ time on a tower in San Gimignano
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#ilookreallyhappy #cute #jokesonme #sunny #tower #sangimignano #italy #tuscany
After helping Liv put her heels on I said "OK, now look up and smile so I can take a picture" 🀣#jokesonme #tookmeliterally #kidsdothecutestthings #oliviajackienase
Really? Only in Lala land.  Urban exploring.
Really? Only in Lala land. Urban exploring.
Oh hey #happysaturday to the #incrediblepeople who support my #comedy #careergoals just so you don't miss out on the #funniness I've provided a comprehensive list of #standup #comedyshows and encourage you all to come out and #laugh at me at any one of these #awesomeshows 
#standupcomedy #lacomedian #comiclife #laughter #hilarity #awkwardmoments #goodtimes #drinks🍹 #merriment & #jokesonme
Quota laki 4 en ? πŸ™ˆπŸ˜‚ #jokesonme
When you're craving meat and you pass this sign on Hwy 150. πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹
Cuando se te antoja la carne, y pasas Γ©ste anunciΓ³ en la autopista 150. 
#funny #friday #craving #antojos #nosevale #redmeat #life #jokesonme #Cali #socal #Ojai #roadsign #hungry #meat #lover #instapic #like #foodsign #ontheroad #sunnyday #grub #eat #instajoke #hilarious #protein #foodporn #foodie #lovefood #nomeatanymore
When you're craving meat and you pass this sign on Hwy 150. πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‹ Cuando se te antoja la carne, y pasas Γ©ste anunciΓ³ en la autopista 150. #funny  #friday  #craving  #antojos  #nosevale  #redmeat  #life  #jokesonme  #Cali  #socal  #Ojai  #roadsign  #hungry  #meat  #lover  #instapic  #like  #foodsign  #ontheroad  #sunnyday  #grub  #eat  #instajoke  #hilarious  #protein  #foodporn  #foodie  #lovefood  #nomeatanymore 
I fell for a bad joke..
#jokesonme
I will get better, it only appears to be in some ways depending on your current situations, keep fighting, stay strong, good times will come. #memestextpostsandshit #memestextpostsandmentalhealth #memesandshit #memesandtextposts #memes #meme #me #jokesonme #lit #dank #funny #lol #relatable #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #psychology #mentalillness #therapist #counseling #anxiety #depression #ocd #bipolar #bipolardisorder #adhd #eatingdisorder #shitpost #shitoftheday
I will get better, it only appears to be in some ways depending on your current situations, keep fighting, stay strong, good times will come. #memestextpostsandshit  #memestextpostsandmentalhealth  #memesandshit  #memesandtextposts  #memes  #meme  #me  #jokesonme  #lit  #dank  #funny  #lol  #relatable  #mentalhealth  #mentalhealthawareness  #psychology  #mentalillness  #therapist  #counseling  #anxiety  #depression  #ocd  #bipolar  #bipolardisorder  #adhd  #eatingdisorder  #shitpost  #shitoftheday 
I'm officially a _________!  @jwalsh043 #flatiron #citylife #jokesonme
Jokes on me, I have no ass
#whatami #wtf #bootycamp #jokesonme #ihavenoass #flat