So.. tonight i finally did it. I opened the boxes my ex sent. Now the gifts cover my floor.. I am relieved to read in the card that she understood if i didnt reply.. She knows me.. altho I feel like a scumbag for not at least saying thank you.. I also know, it may be more painful for her if I do reach out.. bc my feelings haven't changed. I don't want to open communication back up & repeat old patterns. Its hella awkward accepting gifts that were bought for you when you were still together.. seeing all the love & thought that was there.. makes me feel like a horrible person. She does deserve someone who can reciprocate the love she has to give. I still don't understand why & how I could fall out of love with someone who adored me, made me feel special & loved like no one has or probably ever will.. I thought opening these would fuck with my head.. but actually it was fucking with my vibe by NOT opening them.. I started to stack things on top of the boxes like they had become permanent furniture in my room😂 But I was purging & cleansing my house with sage today.. and I knew i HAD to face the boxes in order to fully 'cleanse' my space.. I know most people wouldn't have the restraint.. to let gifts just sit there for a month.. but I could have waited years.. I'm good at avoiding & not facing things.. Material things don't matter to me.. I had to make sure I was in a good 'mental space'.. and emotionally stable enough not to be drug into the darkness.. Even tho there is nothing 'dark' about Bath Bombs, Poetry Books, Jewelry, Vinyl ect...my favorite things.. and other symbolic things between us.. She left me voicemails also.. but I don't think I'll be listening to those.. I hope she understands my silence & choices. I do wish her peace, love & happiness.. i feel like i'm on the right path in my life.. It was a pleasure to share eachothers journey. I hope your heart is healing.. and you can love again. #closure#breakupsandbathbombs#idontdeserveallthis
I walked through the streets of a small ghost town.
Empty buildings gathered around my thoughts.
It is still, so very still.
I hear my heartbeat thump within the sound of the wind chimes singing.
I take a deep breath in.
I gain focus.
I close my eyes and fall into a spiritual moment.
I need this.
I put my feet in ready position and gaze momentally down the street.
Maybe if I run fast enough, you will finally leave me head.
No return, now.
I pick up pace like a car merging on to the highway.
30 to 50 and 50 to 80, faster than lighting strikes.
Each stride is a memory clouding my head.
I am no longer trapped by you but trapped by the shadow I see running next to me on the ground.
A black silhouette, an oddly shaped ghost.
Help. But there is no help.
I am alone.
I'm running backwards trying to erase the memories.
They don't come back, you don't come back anymore.
Run back to me, I plead.
I cry, I beg on my knees, run back to me. We are meant to be. Please. Run back.
It's just me and the shadow and I can't seem to remember what it was like having a friend in my head. -Running Memories Out
I remember when I was a star ⭐️ in the heavens. I was outside of time, between life and death. I was nebulous. A place of peaceful nothingness. Then the Great Mother spoke to me, and she said “ My children have forgotten about love, mercy and compassion. They have forgotten the age of wisdom, the ancient ways are fading. Humans have forgotten humanity. I have a mission for you. Take this ancient wisdom, take this heart of compassion, take this truth and speak it to them. Remind them that they are the sons and daughters of god’s. Rekindle the divine spark ⚡️ within them.” And so I fell, I became flesh and blood and and knew suffering, struggles, passion, sorrow and loss. I was not welcomed amongst them. My earth family rejected me, my sorrows crushed me like the gravity in this material reality. But the spirits came to me in dreams and refreshed my spirit and filled me with their wisdom. And still I carry the truth, and still my heart is alive with compassion, and still I speak the wisdoms of the ancients. I walk a lonely path. I am not here nor there, as I am between worlds, as I am balance. I am everything and nothing. I am both dead and alive. I am the messenger of the divine 🔥
Our minds are habitual. They're not fond of change, and cling to structure. It doesn't matter what the structure is, as long as it knows how to navigate it, it's ready to go. Realizing that the mind is a beautiful and useful tool is the first step, and learning how to reprogram it to focus on and do what your higher self wants is the next. Both steps are about awareness, dedication, and repetition. --Doing #oktad has become part of my thought process because I consciously do them every single day. I find it's easier and quicker for my mind to choose kindness, because that is the repetition it is experiencing. --A letter of love to a "random" person❤️😍😘
--Thank you🙏for choosing kindness and acceptance over fear and control. The way you experience your reality plays heavily on what program you let your mind run on. #changeyourthoughtschangeyourlife#changeyourmindsetchangeyourlife#changeyourthinking#kindness#bekind#awareness#consciousness#higherself#happiness#trainyourmind#letgo#onekindthingaday
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Being a mom is no easy task , let alone a mom of 3. How do balance spending time with each child giving them the same quality experience to build that relationship you want, doing the dishes, running errands, doing the laundry, making dinner, getting them to and from activities, etc.? You wanna know the secret??? YOU DONT! Im sure I’m not the only mom that does this but I’m always worried that I’m not doing it right or doing enough. But since having our newest little babe I’ve realized that you just have to let go a little. Let them show us what they need and/or want. NEVER would I have thought I’d let lu hold her brother while I put her sister down in another room BEHIND a closed door!! 😳 I mean I love my little girl but she has the attention span of a nat 🤷🏼♀️ but today that changed. Something clicked. Gracie was screaming because she was over tired, Mikey was crying cause he was hungry, the house looked like a bomb went off, the list goes on. As I felt my little bit of patience slipping away lulu says “Mommy can I feed brother?” As a mom of a newborn like many others. I thought of every possible scenario where this could go terribly wrong...but instead of saying no I let her show me what she could do. What she felt she needed to do. And I now have this beautiful moment that I will remember forever. ❤️ So if my 4 year old is up later than she “should be” for her age....Oh well.
So if my 1 year old creates a DISASTER while feeding her curiosity.....Too freaking bad.
So if I spend a little longer rocking my little man to sleep or even letting him sleep with me....Who the hell cares!! I’d rather have these amazing wonderful relationships with my children and be seen as this hot mess mom than miss out on moments like this one just to seem like I’m super mom who can do it all.
Now props to those moms that can have all these moments while they keep the house perfectly clean and never miss a beat. YOU ARE MY HERO. but that’s not me and I’m good with that 🤷🏼♀️ #sahm#momof3#letgo#siblinglove#chaoscooedinator#moderndaymadhatter
Today I have been working with this essential oil blend Forgive. We all have something to forgive if we dear to dive inwards. I sat inhaling this oil, popped in my diffuser and dabbed behind my ears this morning and allowed myself to write down things I needed to release and let go. So many things popped up that needed to be released one was I release my own self judgement.... not always giving 💯 posture behind my business.... and the list goes on. It is so wonderful to have tools to help work through our personal growth. It is through looking inside that helps unpeel the onion, that we get to create the ebb and flow of life. Having the tools to help this journey of self discovery certainly nurtures you and supports your emotional and physical body. #forgive#letgo#emotional#physical#release#wellness#wellbeing#flowers#nature#natural#health#ebbandflow
The trees are about to show us how lovely it is to let things go. I guess I want to start a conversation about my goals. One of them is to listen more. That’s hard for me. I have a lot to say. I’m starting to let go of things on the tip of my tongue. Feel the words there but not let them free. It’s okay. They’re only words. What are your goals? Do you have any advice for me? #goals#loveyourself#selfcare#letgo#breathe
For a time I was very open and vulnerable with sharing my thoughts, struggles and personal narrative.
I was recently scrolling through social media and came across a single father’s words that completely inspired me. The way he shared raw emotion and love for his daughter nearly brought me to tears. It made me hopeful and made me want to write again. It reminded me that we all have something important and unique to share. Even though our struggles might differ, we all have one thing in common - we are human. You never know how your vulnerability or words might be just what someone else needs to hear.
People often think that the most painful thing in life is losing someone that they value. Don’t get me wrong, the loss of a loved one is unimaginably painful..beyond what words can often ever express. The truth is, what is equally as painful is losing yourself in the process of valuing someone too much and forgetting that you are worthy, loved, and important too.
I have been guilty of this recently. Although I was aware of what was happening and thought I was in control, I found myself slowly and then ever so quickly losing my grip. I am all about preaching and practicing self love because I know how crucial it is in learning to better love and understand others. I know it’s not always easy..trust me. No matter what you’re going through or what you are trying to achieve, big or small - be comforted in the fact that you are not alone. Just remember, it might be the slightest detour that leads you in exactly the right direction 💕
This is your daily reminder that you are cherished, powerful, supported and loved beyond measure 🌙
I had the opportunity to shoot this Open Mic organised by Half Baked Beans last month. I was surprised by the courage that an audience full of strangers can give you. Courage to take that load off your chest; courage to confess without being judged; courage to let go of your fears and tell your story. Knowing that there are people who'd listen, empowers you.
Some of the stories from that event can be found on their Facebook page. Go show some love!