Solitude can be a good thing sometimes. It can allow you to collect your thoughts or maybe even escape them when needed. For a really long time I used solitude to escape my inner demons of self-loaving and inadequacy. But there can be a dark side to solitude, a side that isolates us from those we need. That stifles our cries for help, that if made, could have saved our lives.
I was lucky in that there were enough positive influences in my early life that I still had voices within me. That saved me from utter destruction. They kept me crawling toward my goals, letting me know that I was worth saving. My only problem is I’ve grown so dependent on those echoes of the past. I forget the living voices of today. The very people in my life now that are more than willing to stand beside me.
My recent health scare taught me a lesson in lettering go and allowing others to take the wheel. When you’re unable to get to the bathroom alone you learn two valuable lessons. First vanity is very fleeting and second an extra hand helps when you have multiple IVs in both your hands. My point is, a man alone is just that, alone. I may know a lot of people, but honestly I have very few friends. Maybe it’s time to rethink that strategy and allow more light to shine in.
For anyone who is lonely: As a teenager I was very impatient & I always built my houses on sand because I would place my hope in different people & in things I didn't even believe in. As I start my walk with God, he started to remove a lot of my friends in my life. God was working in my life & I wouldn't accept it or appreciate it. As I seen my friends rejecting me, it put me in a very lonely stage because I didn't listen to God. He told "Do not worry about having friends, I will bless you with godly friends later. Remember this: GOD ALWAYS KEEPS HIS PROMISES. One day as I broke down because I was too immature for change. God spoke to me again. "Don't be lonely, I am here with you." So he sent me to read a couple of verses in bible. Anyways it took until now to just let it all go & let things happen but I am so grateful because I have wonderful friends who go to my church, loves god and are such good influences! My point is trust God, be faithful, and you are never alone ❤️ I learned from all my mistakes to get where I am at today.
With the issues I've had with my mum over the past few days she finally broke the silence between us and I've realised how important it is to try and inform the people close to me of how my mental health will effect them as is becoming more the case...in the case with my mum all it took was for her to call me "selfish" having had a drink over something incredibly small which both infuriated and upset me and led to me lashing out and telling her to "fuck off", especially since I've fought wars with myself and put my own problems aside to look after her during her drinking despite the abuse she would throw at me and also my younger sister since my parents split years ago! This is the exact issues that caused my last relationship to break down after only 2 weeks of seeing! My mum and I are speaking again now but I am very much having to keep my distance from everyone to prevent getting upset but I am really learning how to look after myself now which is making me feel better in myself seeing a future ahead of me in planning my tattoos and some visits to other areas of the world in the future! Without the care whether I do that alone or not as I work at my hardest that way! But just to note guys be careful what you say to others and never name call! You never know what they are battling with inside, instead offer support and ask them to talk about what's upset them! Reacting will make the problem worse and you won't see the damage done which is why I never have and never will! The hardest part is not being able to talk to people when these things happen for me. Hope you've all had a good Saturday! #mentalhealth#mentalhealthawareness#depression#anxiety#paranoia#personality#disorder#stress#family#friends#relationships#stress#life#live#alone#loneliness#future#past#present#upset#angry#talk#mind#thinking#thought#tattoo#ink#vacation#away
Confession : ok so 2 days ago i was at this place with my cousins and my mom and her friends and all these ppl. So my cousin is the person i love the most on the universe, and i don't really show it he prolly thinks i hate him lol idk but whatever. he lives in a different country than mine and my fam and i ho there every year to visit them. He has never been in an airplaine before so he was asking me how it was. And so i told him how as i was in the plaine i thought i was going to die because the pilot was so bad. And people on the flight were legit scared too, like we all thought it was the end lol. So he was like "yea so....? You thought you were gonna die anndd ?? " and out of nowhere i just go " well i don't really want to die. Maybe you do. But i personally don't " . And after i saw his face i realized what i had just said to him.
Well, i was in fact lying cause i kinda do want to die, but the face he made omg it's like i saw something in his eyes i swear. And i got no sleep since it happened cause i'm like " what if i just pointed out the fact of him being suicidal or sth ? " and i made him sad and i'm such a bitch, like how useless was it for me to say that dumb shit. ( knowing that on his fb he has pictures where he expressed his loneliness and all that but i thought it was to act" cool " cause he genuinely seems like the happiest person on earth ) •