When your Iphone started downloading old notes from Icloud and you got busy reading your old notes - then decided to post some of it.. so, here we go! -------- Of Letting Go and Forgiveness
After many years, I have finally let go of my one and only relationship. But in many conversation that I had, his name would still come up from time to time. Not in an upset, sad, angry, or bitter tone, that time has long passed. More with a tinge of sweet melancholy, a little bit of dreamy tone followed by many realizations and lots of reflection.
I was in that one relationship for 9 years, which is about 1/3 of my age.
It was that long.
One of my best friend told me once that it was long enough for her to change boyfriends ( a few of them ), got married ( I was one of the bridesmaids ), had a baby ( a cute one too! ), and planned for a second baby ( that second baby is now 2 years old ) , for me to finally had the courage to take off and finally raise the final white flag of defeat an surrender, retreating back to my own solitary world. I could not remember how many times I tried to take off in the last 3 years out of the 9, and how many times I came back for another try. Never really ready to let everything go until I was so broken that I have none left to offer as part of the duo.
I was weak
And He was my weakness... But why was it so hard?
It was partly the comfort.
It was partly the guilt.
But it was mostly fear.
Fear of losing the future we once painted in the blank canvas of our life, a life that we have been planning together for as long as we can remember.
Fear of letting go of the familiar, the comfort zone, the supposedly known ending to the story we were writing as we spent our time growing up as a couple.
What if he was the one?
What if by leaving, I made the biggest mistake in my life?
What if he was the only chance I have at happiness?
To be truly happy?
Many unanswered questions which were left unanswered still, though I have stopped looking for the answer. The chapter has ended and it could not be re-written. (To be continued bellow )
#happiness#lovepoem#heart ❤️ #love#forgiveness#lettinggo#heartwarrior#kindness#lovedaily
He said its about the lightness
The feeling of easy cheerfulness
The never fading twinkle and pouts
Those mindless little tiptoes and hugs
She said its about the feeling
Those warm fuzzy comfort and ease
Of happy little smirks and smiles
That keeps her following him around
He said, "are you always this happy"
While she never thought of that
For her the world is her little playground
Of frosted cupcakes and merry-go-rounds
Those sweet smelling flowers of the night
A whisper of cool air and crisp winter twilight
While slowly the heart is feeling warm inside
Like a hug that keeps everything bright
He said he likes the feeling
She said she loves the feeling
A nudge and tickle for the heart
To expand beyond the space of light
#dailylove#love#coffeeart#heart ❤️ #lovepoem#happiness
Thinking about so much. It's not a burden i feel anymore, but it does make me feel a little less as a person. Progress looks like the stock market. So do the good and bad days. That's what it actually measures too. People's moods for investing and their confidence. The world is a funny place. Every one is just a child trying to play in a giant sandbox.
If i delete my account some time soon, would you want me to write a poem goodbye before i go?
Kaleidoscopic pyramid inverted. liquid light inside each vertebrae. a breath escapes beneath a memory, i want to feel again that symmetry. i drink from you, the sense of wanting me, we linger in a state of dopamine, weightless, our shadows amongst the trees, airbrushed my skin feels crystalline. I dont want you to be for me a kiss, i need never your touch to be at peace. Beyond dimensional sensations, in a micro-moment of tension, i crave all of your connectors, we might be indeed the lesson, i have no set expectations, my one and only intention, is love from source in projection. And still sometimes i feel human, bones want to compress amar syrup from sugar, pheromones wrapped around the ankles like vines braiding their roots through the wooden night path, eucalyptus sap, magic, magnified. Life's high after hiking or swimming so far. I sink in the mist beyond dusk, i mix all of this, still dont want you now, but i like to dance with you in that space, id like to sunrise with you in silence.
i remember her even after
her hair changes with the seasons
her eyes they stay the same
a laugh echoes through the room
a gesture effortlessly made
flutters of her lashes
flutters of kisses in their wake
getting lost in her lips
getting lost in her warmth
messy hair my nails coax closer
messy blankets on our thighs
no words murmured
no thoughts left unsaid
her head lays on my chest
her fingers on my skin
in holding her, she's holding me
in being here I am free
she fills my thoughts
she fills my heart
the flower in my sea of voids
the one I long to hold
I am falling in love with a spark in my imagination
I am falling in love -yareli (Sorry for the meh photo I have nothing else and I wanted to post today as I don't know when I'll be able to do so again until the phone problem is fixed)
I don't call myself single because I think it's a funny word to use. I like to feel that I'm whole, a whole legion, a whole force of nature capable of birth and destruction, but simply, I am, I suppose. And I haven't fully examined this, perhaps it has something to do with getting out of a long-term relationship, ending a crappy relationship or some sort of internalization. Either way, I have work to do, work to undo and time to learn what I cannot accept. In the meantime, I thought it'd be fun to start a series of what makes me this legion of a womxn, to a future imaginary boo. I do, however, enjoy solitude, it's the only way in which I can get my work done. 😌 I felt cute and crafty and happy today. Enjoy. ✨#spilledink#xicanadaily
Let's go have a few drinks. Go to a quiet diner and have some straight up coffee. Just vibe out and talk about whatever. Ramble and grow passionate. Anything to feel alive again. To spark up the fire of dreams. Life shit.
You were always on the fence about how you felt about falling. No matter what I'd say, the winds of my words could never quite convince you to fall over onto my side. I sat in love, alone, waiting, make-believing, convinced that you were just one more day away from staying forever. I was audacious, hysterical, dazed and confused, glued to the idea of you and I, stranded on an island all alone talking to myself. I lost my mind waiting on you to make up yours.
A rewrite of a post I made awhile back. Confessions of love or the admission of it usually doesnt cause pain. It creates sympathy, enlightenment, or relief. But imagine missing someone and not being able to tell them how much or even the words them self. Do you not break a little? I miss you can never be replaced by another person or thing, but you will try with moments.