Capitolo 1 parte 6
Mentre i miei pensieri continuano a viaggiare l'autobus continua per la sua strada. Mi porterà all'Università, la vicino per l'esattezza.
Quando vinsi la borsa di studio la mia gioia era incontenibile, ma il volto di mia madre placò io mio entusiasmo, non era contenta per me, anzi stava già pensando alla mia partenza, non riusciva ad accettare il mio futuro allontanamento. Io e lei siamo sempre state troppo attaccate per i miei gusti, dormivo con lei, mangiavo con lei, uscivo con lei. Ero sempre sotto il suo controllo, andare in un altra città lontano dai sui occhi, non poteva lasciarmi andare. Ci misi un intera estate per farle accettare la cosa. In cuor mio avevo già deciso la partenza, non volevo il suo permesso, desideravo solo che lo accettasse.
Io e la scuola abbiamo sempre avuto un rapporto difficile, ho sempre fatto lo stretto indispensabile, ma quando si è presentata l'opportunità della borsa di studio, il mio unico scopo è stato quello di vincerla a tutti i costi.
Per averla studiai così tanto da diventare la migliore in tutto l'Istituto, misi da parte tutto e tutti. Rifiutavo ogni invito per studiare, spesso saltavo i pasti, approfittai dell'insonnia per studiare di notte. L'unica cosa che non misi da parte fu la musica. Finito di studiare mi concedevo un ora alla chitarra per suonare e cantare. Non ho mai potuto vivere senza musica, il sol pensiero di abbandonarla mi disgusta, la musica mi ha donato tanto e tradirla sarebbe da ingrati.
Ho dovuto lasciare la mia chitarra nella mia vecchia casa, non c'era modo di portarla con me, soffro la sua mancanza ma presto troverò un modo per suonare.
Ho già preparato dei volantini con il mio numero di telefono da distribuire in giro per l'Università, ho bisogno di un lavoro, la mia borsa di studio paga tutti i costi scolastici ma l'appartamento che l'Università stessa mette a disposizione deve essere pagato a parte. Condividerò questo appartamento con un altra ragazza e dovremo dividerci le spese di mantenimento, nonché il cibo.
Non so che tipo di lavoro troverò, sicuramente qualcosa di molto umile, sono disposta anche a fare lavori pesanti pur di avere una buona paga.
"You are not what you are told to be"
You are not what others see you as. You are you and nobody else can decide who that is but you.
Join the club that interests you. Just because you don't hang out with the science nerds does not mean that you can't join their club and do something that is part of who you see in yourself.
Check out "be who you want to be" by @xo_queen_em_ox at http://societyrebel.com/be-who-you-want-to-be/
What is something that people have tried to say you, but you are not???
almost didn't go to the gym today cause i felt super lazy and unmotivated this morning but then i remembered how close i am to being in the 160's and i pushed myself and honestly had a really good workout 😊
HELL YES There were days I wanted to QUIT.. Just GIVE UP !! & F'n Walk away... But I Had done that EVERY TIME BEFORE & EVERY TIME BEFORE ALL I DID WAS PROVE "Them" RIGHT I WAS A QUITTER, I didn't Have what it took !! I WASN't TOUGH ENOUGH !! AHHHGGHH!!! Well GUESS WHAT BUTTER F'n-CUP !!! NOT THIS TIME... this was DIFFERENT & Lets BE REAL CLEAR !!! There WAS NO LOVE ❤️, No Happy Freakin' Sunshine !!! No F'n Flower Blooming walkway !! It was DO Or DIE... & SO I DID... I didn't ASK FOR A CHEAT MEAL, I asked HOW MUCH MORE DID I NEED TO DO ?? (No answer) ? No one knew ? No One had Ever Asked HOW MUCH MORE BEFORE..? So I Went & I LEARNED... I learned how to BURN OUT... How to HIT BOTTOM AGAIN & AGAIN & AGAIN... learned how to Research, Learned the PSYCHOLOGY Required to Survive... Learned the Answers No One Had... it was a HELL I CANNOT DESCRIBE & One I would not wish upon anyone... to be LED by the Blind into a pit of Fire.. is to WALK ON Fields of BROKEN GLASS with Lakes of alcohol... every step is treacherous... yea, looking back it looks like an "Overnight kinda story"... what very few saw, was the trail of tears left behind... I cried that fat off one pound at a time & I REMEMBER EVERY STEP... ...BUT I USED every ounce of PAIN TO JUST PUSH ME RATHER THAN STOP ME... BECAUSE I KNEW NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT HURT... stopping would hurt more & I was NEVER AGAIN GOING TO LET "Them" WIN... I WAS GOING TO BECOME WHAT They Feared MOST... the WALKING TRUTH, the Example of what happens when YOU JUST REFUSE TO QUIT... & that's all I did.. I REFUSED TO QUIT, I DID MORE... I BROKE THE RULES, I ASKED WHY ? & yea... I Lost Fake Friends! & because of the lies.. I walked away & I'm not looking Back !!! I will hold fast to integrity & truth if what got me safely to the other side... & that wasn't fake coaches, it took trained professionals who had walked the walk to know how to guid me... not just a bunch of cheerleaders... 🙄 #truthordare#truth#igersgreenville#greenville360#healthcoach#fitover40#fitoverforty#transformation#transformationtuesday#fitfam#200lbslost#mondaymotivation#200lbsdownandcounting#notdoneyet#notfinishedyet#mystory#myweightlossstory
Hey guys! Sorry for not updating you! Last week I did some 1rpm work, to adjust my training. I've figured, that if I'm going to be in constant lower back pain no mother what I do, I might as well start lifting heavier again? It almost feels like my back feels better since I started going heavier again, so I'm going to keep doing that. Here's the video of my 180kg (396 lb) squat, and my 190kg (418 lb) deadlift. Don't be too harsh, I'm just starting to slowly crawl out of my rehab schedule. Weight loss is going well, nice and steady. Dripping fat each week and putting on muscle. It's not easy, and it's slow, but worth it. 💪😤 Love lifting, love my club @goteborgkk and I love all of you guys for your continued support! Stay tuned, going to start being more active again. Keep lifting! 💪😬 Big shout-out to @wahlanders for the spectacular belt (Doesn't it look nice? 😍) and to @slvrbckofficial for the amazing shaker! Cheers!
After a long way of overcoming things from the past and learning how to love myself more than anything I decided that I wanted to have fun and date people. It was the moment! Suddenly, a beautiful energy bumped into myself and, thanks to that, something very surprising happened to me: I realised of It had been more than a decade that I had not showed my feelings to anyone I felt attraction to. Just very short stories that didn't go anywhere. I have always felt I don't need anyone so It was easier to get away, to give up as soon as things didn't go as I expected. When u are so strong than anything can make you fall down but to love. So I am in this process, learning to love, saying openly what I feel. It is the secret, as simple as that, just show and say your feelings, your heart, without fears... It has taken me so long to figure it out and I feel so good than I do want to share it hoping I can help u to love those u feel attraction to instead of getting upset and getting away #loveyourself#heart#mystory#love#workinghard#feelinggood#lifeiswonderful#newstageoflife#mysecretplace#ilovemylife#thankyou#sun#masculineenergy#feminineenergy#shaman @roriraye.coachrori
"And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son" (John 14:13)...I cried and ASKED for a BREAKTHROUGH years ago...I cried and ASKED for ABUNDANCE months ago... and I cried and ASKED for OVERFLOW a few days!! Today, I officially walked through the door of each and every one!!! BUT... with those BLESSINGS come Complete Discipline and Complete Obedience... No more second guessing or hesitating on my CALLING and PURPOSE! It's now time to PULL out everything I BELIEVE and KNOW in my heart!!!! Hey God just being honest..I'm nervous🙈🙏but I'm sooooo READY🙌!! I'm stepping with my left foot and trust that YOU will step with my right...MY FAITH GAME HEAVY just like the WORD OF GOD😎💪💯!! Step out on Faith y'all and Watch how God BLOWS YOUR MIND!! ||“Let’s Grow With God Together!”|| For More Encouraging Words Follow ↪ @thestrength.in.shantiacoleman and @what.shantiacoleman.writes↩ ||Subscribe to the link in bio www.shantiacoleman.com||
The view inside my cereal box as I prepared to watch the eclipse 🌔🌓🌒🌘🌗🌖 *Warning*
The following story may seem silly to those who do not understand what it feels like to live with anxiety.
My anxiety seems to always be waiting for something that it can get worked up about.
This morning, that "something" was the solar eclipse.
While sipping my coffee and getting ready to start my day, I suddenly had the realization that I would be home alone during the eclipse. Despite being a full-blown grownup, this didn't seem like something that I was adequately prepared for.
While explaining this to my husband, I likened the feeling to that of a child wondering how they are ever going to learn how to drive or do their taxes when they grow up.
It was a feeling of being unfamiliar and uncertain.
Up to this point, I was aware that an eclipse was going to occur, but I had not done any research on how this particular eclipse would affect my area. Thus, my anxious mind immediately went to any extreme examples I have learned about solar eclipses throughout my life, i.e. total darkness and blindness from the sun.
My anxious and emotionally charged mind started spinning.
Luckily for me, it turns out that solar eclipses aren't all that scary after all, and after a quick google search I learned how to go about safely viewing the eclipse and that my home (London, ON) would not be falling into darkness as a result of it.
While this instance of my anxiety was quickly and easily managed with a google search, it's not always quite that simple.
However, even in instances of extreme anxiety, I try to implement this same strategy of balancing my emotional thoughts with rational ones. This strategy is called Wise Mind and is part of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. It focuses on the balancing of emotional and reasonable thoughts.
Aside from liking this strategy because I get to call myself "wise", I've found it to be particularly helpful in my recovery, as it allows me to utilize my inclination toward being curious as a way to ease my anxiety. It's become one of the many tools in my toolbox and one that I reach for often.
Do you get this kind of "uncertainty" anxiety?
Oldie ! The good times of being a full time student, this week I will talk about life after University & the transition to 'adult life' there's two sides to this story it's a ongoing process which doesn't end💡
Whilst half the world is enjoying their eclipse, the other is revelling in a perfect sunrise. Hello, wherever life finds you. The locals here on @hamiltonisland told me to set my alarm for 6.15am. Sure enough, up comes this globe. Just me, the morning birds and the roo munching the grass behind me (see Catriona's #mystory at @catrionarowntree) here enjoying it. #haveagoodone#ahirw @journeystocome
OK, I want to share this part of #MyStory (I hope it inspires you ☺😃😇)... If you're destined for something, no matter how much you try to run away from it, it would keep finding you!
When I was little, I loved gathering my peers & even those older than me to teach them with chalk or charcoal on walls. As I grew older, I developed interest in monetary issues & wanted to study Economics or Accounting, I didn't get the admission I desired when I applied buh I got another alternative to study Computer/Mathematics "Education" so I became a "Trained Teacher". I taught for a short while before working in a Bank.
All this while, I had always loved Memory saving, Entertainment, Social Media & Travelling/Touring buh I never thought I would be able to make a living outta it, not until I realized I had to be my own boss or I'd "labour" for someone all my life (with no job-security). So I looked inner & discovered I could actually create impact & earn a living through my Passion: Photography & Media, therefore, I quitted the Bank job & went back to school to develop my Photography & Media skills. 1 year, 4 months down the line & GOD has been very faithful.
I forgot to mention that while I was working in the Bank, I taught in the Children Department of my Church as a Children Teacher buh as I switched to Photography, I had to join the Media Department of my church.
Now, why all these long stories, after everything & I thought Teaching isn't just for me, here I am teaching PHOTOGRAPHY to these lovely kids & twas fun cos they enjoyed the class and by God's Grace, I was able to inspire them even with the short available time! #SummerCampSeason4 ... Thanks to the MDA for deeming me worthy to teach these lovely kids #Photography#FunLearning#CoolKids#CreativeThinking#JoyNothingButJoy#SummerCampSeason4#TuesdayNightInspiration#YoungEntrepreneur#9thVillePhotography#AllGloryToGOD#BabaGODnoni#GodOverEverything !!!
One perfect apple... not because the color is beautiful, or because its super sweet, but because of the love poured into its growth. You see this apple is from my dads apple tree, he loved growing things for us. He hasn't been here to tend to his fruit trees for seven years now, but this weekend there I was looking at what he left behind and I stood in awe that his trees continue to provide fruit. How is it that I never noticed them before?? It's the simplest of things we often don't notice because we can be overwhelmed with what life throws at us at times, but remember every beautiful fruit/or flower goes through its process and time. Stay the course!#perseverance#clearvision