Everyday could be hard for me if I let it be. I’ve started my mornings for the last 8 years significantly less able to do the things I need to do to get through my day. Almost everything is done differently than it was, from the moment I get out of bed in the morning to when I crawl back in at night. When I first lost my arm and was accustomed to doing everything with two hands, almost everyday was a bad day. I would wake up angry, angry at my body, every task was just a little bit harder and it really used to get to me. My internal dialogue was so helpless and sad. I remember getting frustrated so easily when I failed to do things that used to be simple, I would get pissed because I had to pour shampoo directly on my head instead of into my other hand, then because i couldn’t put my hair up, then I couldn’t button my jeans. I’d get to school and be mad that I couldn’t hold the paper I was writing on in class, or get my bag zipped up when it was too light to give me any leverage. Then after school I’d go to wrestling or track practice and be angry that I couldn’t do partner drills, throw, medicine balls or be the athlete I was before my accident. I let the fact that I no longer had an arm give me a lot of bad days. Bad days accumulated to bad years, and years of having a negative and pissed off attitude left me alone. Alone in the sense that I was surrounded by all the wrong people. Most people don’t want to be around negative energy, but that being said, misery loves company. So I found my self surrounded by toxic people, negative influences, and people who complained about their situations and did nothing to change them. I’m not saying it’s not okay to express negative energy at times, but what I’ve learned is that energy is contagious. And it’s something we subconsciously tune into. You know that whole “your vibe attracts your tribe” thing? #truth This is why I understand when I met amputees that are pissed off at the world, the universe, God, because I was once that person. If you are that negative person, like I was, your attitude is draining, toxic and damages important relationships. Cont. in comments**
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