a lesson: be proud. be proud when you finally find words to trap a feeling that's been fluttering in your ribcage for so long. adjectives are hard to come by; verbs, even more. nouns are elusive; pronouns are entrapping.
be proud when it finally finds its place in your chest. that little corner with the most suitable coordinates. remember it like a map, another tiny x on your heart. spread this map when you lie in the false embrace of your blankets (a pair of arms would be nicer) and tell yourself, "this feeling belongs here."
however dark, however quiet, however sharp- it belongs.
be proud. you learnt a new piece of yourself today.
(im actually rly proud of this okay)
DAY 5 Reflections: Why is it that we allow the objects and places that were familiar to us in a relationship to haunt us? Why do we run from a shared bed or refuse to walk down a daily treaded path? Why do we run from the hurt the memories imbedded in those objects and places cause? I spent Friday - Sunday afternoon at my best friends because an entire weekend in the space he shared with me seemed overwhelming. I was terrified to be alone here. I walked in Sunday afternoon and guess what happened? I didn't die, I felt the dull ache of his absence momentarily and then I went about the business of taking care of my home. I lit a new candle with a brand new scent. Washed all my bedding, put together a new dresser for my kids and watched SVU till the kids got home. It was my haven before I allowed him entry and I won't allow my peace and my home to be taken from me. It may bother me from time to time but eventually it won't. there is no merit in running, only confronting and allowing yourself to go through the motions of mourning will make you whole. ▫️