From the moment I left hospital in August of 2015, I was discharged with a Mindset of being focused on becoming smaller than I had gone it at. During my time in inpatient I went from a scary 27KG to 44KG. ⠀⠀⠀⠀
Thinking back now on how I perceived myself at that minimum healthy weight is quite scary. Terrifying to think about how warped my perception of my own body was.
In this first picture (Summer 2016) was probably the strongest anorexia ever had its grip on me, despite not being the smallest I’d ever been (BECAUSE ITS A MENTAL DISORDER NOT PHYSICAL). I spent that summer doing normal things with my friends, eating sometimes, drinking etc. ⠀⠀⠀⠀
But that way of living was something I was able to maintain for such a long time because I had become so scarily good at hiding things and manipulating those around me.
My eating disorder had turned-unlike before, very body and weight focused, in fear of losing the identity of being ‘ill’. Or just being perceived as fat by other, regardless of how it was all affecting my health.
Right now, you all know what I do🏋️♀️ But I’m 22KG heavier than I was in that photo.
Do people like me any less? No.
Is my quality of life 10000x better? Yes.
Am I happy within myself? Yes!
How your body is, or what weight you are does not define who you are. Never ever ever ever did I think I would willingly allow myself to be anywhere over that 44kg I was told to be at, lol never mind 11kg over🕺🏽 My weight is not what makes me happy anymore. What makes me happy now is life as a whole, the people, what I do, the food lols😇
If you are struggling, I hope you realise someday that you are worth so much more than a number x
Happy Monday! Stayed in bed hungover the whole day yesterday which really was not ideal (HAHAHA get it lol)🤭 ⠀⠀⠀⠀
Have a dentist appointment today and then am gonna head to train because exercise hasn’t been a thing since Friday, oh well actually if dancing counts I had a good sesh Saturday💃🏽 x x x
Just thought I’d pop on and let you all know that @idealfituk have a buy one get one half price protein offer on atm WITH a free shaker, if you go through the link in my bio❤️ ⠀⠀⠀
Anyways I’m in class so I should really leave u all and get back to work, have a fabulous day lovelys🕺🏽
Only a few will understand my love for these two gadgets! My first weight lost journey(4 years ago) I never went to the gym without my heart rate monitor and my watch! These two things held me accountable and kept me motivated. I never leave without burning 1000 calories or more. I’m trading my Apple Watch for my polar all week #polarwatch#polarft4#fitness#polarft7#goals
Had to miss Friday and Saturday workout sessions due to a prior event photography commitment. But the upside is, I was running around snapping so many photos, I doubled my daily activity goals 😂 #polarwatch#polara370#polarflow#30daysofdope
Forgot to post this Friday. Got a solid work out in after work. I finally got a new strap for my heart rate monitor. I highly recommend getting a polar watch if you don’t have one. It’s a great motivator to see how many calories you burn and what kind of calories (fat vs. fitness aka cardio). It helps me push myself and to test my limits #fitness#fridaymotivation#snapfitness#polarwatch