Aloha guyyys 🤗
#throwback to yesterday's heavenly #dinner which were creamcheese filled potato bags with veggies in a tomato sauce 😍 I'm literally soo in love with those bags and if you haven't tried them before you definitely have to do it 🤤👌🏻 Well, it's Thursday what means: therapy day 🙆 So my afternoon consists of an appointment with my therapist and learning for an exam tomorrow 😫
What are your plans for the afternoon? 😏
Okayy, no longer caption right now but I wish you all a nice Thursday and see you later 💁 Bye bye honeybees 🐝🍯
Ich wollte euch ja noch meinen Adventskalender zeigen.☺
Ich habe von meinem Freund von @myproteinde den Adventskalender bekommen. Und ich bin schon so gespannt was für Riegel drinne sind.😍
Ich finde das total cool, weil man so herausfinden kann welche Riegel man mag und diese kann man sich dann nachbestellen.😊
Ich werde natürlich über jeden Riegel hier bei Instagram berichten und meine Meinung dazu sagen.🙏
Ich freu mich schon riesig!
Was für einen Kalender bekommt ihr?🙈😊
Der Post zu den Fakten kommt morgen, weil ich heute keine Zeit mehr habe weil mein Papa Geburtstag hat.🙈🎂
Hi my little unicorns 🦄
I didn’t post for quite a long time... I am sorry about this (if anyone cares about übt anyway..) I don’t feel really good the last few days.. I am doing pretty bad, relapsing, getting back into bad habits and eating not well... 😪i decided to go into inpatient treatment after Christmas... that is really tough for me... the last time I ran away 3 or 4 days before my admission... hope I‘ll be stronger this time 😪
I love you all, stay strong! 🌺🌸 Love, Reh🦄
Wie ihr wisst, bin ich zurzeit mega im Stress wegen den Klausuren..ich sitz so viele Stunden an dem zeug aber komm nicht zum lernen weil ich erstmal alles zamfassen oder abtippen muss😑eigentlich wollte ich mich heute mit ner ehemaligen Lehrerin zum Frühstücken treffen aber ihr kam mal wieder was dazwischen..manchmal hab ich echt das Gefühl, dass mir jede Freude genommen wird..immerhin ist jetzt Wochenende (also für mich) und schönes Wetter😊 wenn ihr mal zu einem bestimmten Thema einen Post wollt dann schreibt das doch gern mal in die Kommentare:) ⬇
I’m thinking of taking a step back from this account, not because it negatively affects me but because it no longer serves me a purpose. It used to be a place where I could write down the feelings I could never say aloud, but the genuine and understanding reactions people provide on here have taught me that it’s okay to voice my opinions to the people in my life. I don’t need to vent on here anymore because I know how to cope with things better. In terms of food, I’m eating three balanced meals a day and I’ve only purged on one occasion in the past 4 months. I still struggle with bingeing but this community has very little focus on that and therefore doesn’t support me in that way. I still struggle with my body image but I will continue to follow my favourite bopo accounts on my personal (which is @aggie.payne if anyone wants to follow). I still struggle a lot with depression and anxiety but I’m working on it. I’m not deleting this account and I might post the occasional bopo picture, but I need to use the time I would spend scrolling through food pictures on doing my work instead, or on socialising or learning the guitar or whatever it may be! I love you guys more than you could ever know and I appreciate every single one of you that has ever supported me 🙏 I honestly don’t know where I’d be today if I’d never stumbled upon amyvslife’s account (she’s not on here anymore but some of you might remember her!). So I just want to say a massive thank you to all of you, my dm’s are always open on my personal! 💖💖💖
i really hate how i can’t help you all. I have had the pleasure of speaking to the most kind hearted souls both in person and on social media. If there’s one thing i’ve learnt, it’s that no one deserves any of the struggles they are going through.
You’re all lovely people who are due good things in life. Be patient and it will come. Look out for the small things in the day that make it better, even if it is just a little bit.
You’re all fighters. It’s cliché but you’ve made it this far in life, you can make it to another day. There’s some reason you’re still here today. I know how it feels to not want to be but you have to keep fighting. You never know what good the future will bring 🌞
Dinner for tonight. I feel like I’m slipping back into a depressive episode, my mood keeps dropping and I keep crying- this has been going on for a few days now. Trying my best not to use food to cope with this.
Buongiorno a tutti! ☀️
Stamattina sono in piedi molto prima del solito 😴
Mi aspetta una giornata abbastanza piena 🔨
Per prima cosa tra un po’ dovrò andare a conoscere un professore per iniziare un corso di studio per l’ammissione all’università 🤓📚
Non so perché, ma mi fa strano dirlo, ma è come se mi sentissi sempre troppo “piccolo”, come se vedessi l’università ancora troppo lontana, quando in realtà manca poco meno di un anno 😶
Al di là di questi miei pensieri, come al solito poi avrò scuola 🏫, e dopo forse anche lezione di flauto 🎶
Ce la posso fare 🙈
Ho iniziato questa giornata con: 🍽
#biscotti novellini 🍪 e succo di frutta a #pesca 🍹🍑
Vi auguro a tutti un buon giovedì 👋🏻✨
Good morning lovelies! So I thought as I tuck into my bowl of Banana and Cinnamon Porridge, oozing in Honey and @skinnymixes S’mores Syrup, I’d give y’all a little update as I’m aware I’ve been neglecting this account recently.
So I won’t lie to you, I’ve been struggling a bit recently. Not majorly, but enough to make me realise I need to pull myself together. I’ve NOT lost any weight as I’ve still been eating (had therapy so they weighed me there). What I have been struggling with is fear foods and mood. Some foods that I’d been tackling had suddenly become my enemies again, and my mood has been up and down like a roller coaster. So I decided I needed to take a break from this account to focus 100% on me, and sort myself out, and that’s EXACTLY what I did.
Over the last few weeks, I’ve been letting other people help me. I opened up to my friends at Uni about my ED, which has been a huge weight off my shoulders and bloody hell, these guys understand more than I thought! They have been so supportive and really want to help, and my house mates have even join in with my #chocolatechallenege every Friday which, although isn’t a big deal for them, they know what a big deal it is for me, and I couldn’t be more grateful to them for that. I have thrown away my scales, because this was becoming an obsession again and really, WHO GIVES A FUCK?! If you’ve not already done this then DO IT NOW! The feeling of release when you let them go is unbeatable. I’ve also met a very nice guy 😏 (more on this later haha!) and I’ve been doing really well in my work, getting 1st’s for my assignments, which I never expected in a gazillion years! In terms of my mood, my fantastic GP who kept me under his wing has sorted me out with new meds which are working better than ever. I’m on regular Escitalopram and Olanzapine and have Diazepam when I need it - I’ve been feeling so much better since starting this. Basically, things are back on track. I’m fighting harder than ever before. I may be the ‘highest’ weight I’ve been in years, but that just means I’m one step closer to beating this bitch of an illness once and for all. There is a life beyond this. ✌🏻
Знаете, иногда я случайно натыкаюсь в инстаграме на некоторых людей, на которых была подписана прежде и я вижу, что у них в жизни, к сожалению, ничего не поменялось:с Они то снова худеют, то снова разгоняют обменку, то пытаются освоить ПП/ИП и прочее. Рпп - это болото, увязнув в котором, топчешься на месте. Но самое грустное - что в это болото превращается ВСЯ жизнь. Раньше меня очень с этого бомбило: хотелось хорошенько тряхануть такого человека и крикнуть ему в ухо: "Что ты делаешь?! Просто наберись терпения " Сейчас я наблюдаю это спокойно. Это их выбор, их жизнь. Меня как раз недавно спрашивали на аске про толерантность, здесь я, пожалуй, очень толерантна теперь.
to hell with ‘eating too much fat or carbs.’
screw ‘going over your calorie limit’ BECAUSE THERE. IS. NO. SUCH THING. IN RECOVERY.
what normal person goes ‘i’m absolutely starving but i’ve eaten XX calories today? wtf. THATS NOT NORMAL.
NOT LISTENING TO HUNGER CUES IS DISORDED.
i just ate my body weight in fried rice and spring rolls. currently in a food coma but it was so damn DELICIOUS that i don’t care.
FUCK NUMBERS. THE SCALE IS A NUMBER. CALORIES ARE NUMBERS. YOU ARE NOT A NUMBER OKAY? YOU ARE A LIVING HUMAN BEING WITH EXCEPTIONAL POTENTIAL. DONT WASTE YOUR ONE SHOT AT EXISTENCE ON NUMBERS.
for those who are interested this is my inpatient meal plan. i’m hoping to see the dietitian to get it changed slightly as i’m struggling with it. i have ward round also and they said they might have to increase it to 3000 calories as i’m gaining slowly, i don’t think i can fit anymore help 😞
Have you ever tried breakfast papaya? 😛
This one is filled with coconut-yoghurt, a mixture from @mymuesli, raw cacao nibs and my beloved chocolate-coconut-chips from @heimatgut 🥥
_______________ Guten Morgen ihr Lieben ☺️
Früher hab ich sie nie gegessen, doch mittlerweile gehört Papaya zu meinen absoluten Lieblingsfrüchten. 👏🏼
Deshalb gibt es sie euch gleich zum Start in den Tag: gefüllt mit Kokosnuss-Joghurt, einer MyMuesli-Mischung, Kakao-Nibs und den Schoko-Kokos-Chips. 🍫🥄
Habt ihr eine absolute Lieblingsfrucht? 🤔 Ich könnte mich gar nicht entscheiden. 🤷🏼♀️
Aber Papaya steht auf jeden Fall ganz weit oben auf der Liste. 😄
Habt einen tollen Donnerstag! 💗
This whole eating thing gets a whole lot more fun when you realise there are no food rules (even if the diet and fitness and wellness industries say there are) and your body does a pretty good job of telling you what to eat if you take the time to listen 🍓.
In my bowl: oats, @alpro yogurt, @reflexnutrition vegan protein, almond butter, toasted flaked almonds, crushed hazelnuts, tinned peaches, blackcurrants and pomegranate seeds. #fearfreefood
Cola chupa chup, Cadbury dairy milk chocolate and a Kit Kat eaten all different times. 🍫 I got these for free from my geography teacher as I help her with some things. I feel extremely guilty about eating these. 😕 I have had a completely terrible day today and I have been so down. My depression has definitely taken a turn for the worst lately and I'm spiralling out of control. I hope everyone is going okay 💜
I am feeling so fucking guilty about everything I've eaten today. I am so fucking fat I'm eating way too much. I eat my meals and pretend I'm fine but then at the end of every day I cry because I feel so out of control. I am so worthless and ugly I don't see how anyone could ever love me or care about me. Everybody deserves better, it would be much better if I just died. It drains me so much to think of anything that isn't my stupid fucking mental illnesses I'm so tired I want it to stop please make it stop.
Yesterday's FDOE. I haven't checked my weight for 2 weeks already and I think that's a progress...? 🙈 For my breakfast, my best friend made me eat some cookies. For lunch I had a mango custard bread, corned tuna with 3 slices of raisin bread and 2 hard boiled eggs without the yolk. Then for dinner I ate 1 tuna wrap. I'm really sorry for being inactive, unlike before. I've been really busy lately.
Okay😶 I know I didn’t eat the best today so here is a nighttime snack! For the second night in a row!🙃 Having a banana, green grapes, a Nakd cocoa bar (never tried this), and a Dad’s oatmeal chocolate chip cookie 🍪 I worked out, so I know I need to fuel back up💪🏻 Hope your days all went well✨ Sending positive vibes!💕 xo
Tonight we went out for dinner to celebrate mom's birthday!! 🎉I got this chicken salad wrap with chips 😋 it was yummy except the sauce was a little too sweet, which was slightly disappointing 🙁 still we had so much fun and my mom was very pleased with how the day went so all is well and good 😌
Morning ❤️❤️❤️ Wenn ihr noch Geschenkideen für Weihnachten Braucht: TEEE 😍 Team Tee oder Kaffee ? Ich hab gestern erstmal den Bratäpfelchen Tee von @teegschwendner_deutschland getestet und er schmeckt nach Weihnachten pur 🙌🏻 Aber jetzt schlafe ich erstmal noch ne Runde bevor es nachher leckeren Porridge mit Erdnussmus von @nu3_de (Rabattcode in der Bio) und Amaranth von @vitanatura_plus ❤️❤️❤️ Ich weiß gar nicht wie tief meine meine Augenringe noch werden sollen, nachdem ich dann echt erst mit Schmerzmittel gegen halb 3 eingeschlafen bin ... hoffe euch geht es gut ❤️❤️❤️
Eating in someone else's house (well my parents' so sorta?) means having to eat different foods and brands than are in your comfort zone, but a recovery goal for me is moving more towards flexibility with eating than with rigidity (which is my problem). Cheese is a fear food for me, but my mom offered me some when I arrived and I tried some. As you can see, Poppy wanted some too.🐦💗Today was really stressful. Woke up to maintenance breaking into my apartment (I was in bed and only half clothed💀💀) because I didn't answer the door in time, and it turns out there's a massive leak from the people's shower above me and my bathroom freaking flooded and parts of the ceiling and walls were caving from the pressure of the water. The leak extended into my bedroom closet and totally soaked all of my fancy concert clothes in foul smelling water. I was supposed to leave for the 3 hour drive to my family's house for thanksgiving this morning but that set me back several hours. The anxiety of having 3 or 4 maintenance men coming back and forth through my apartment unpredictably for the couple following hours really ramped up my anxiety and I felt really vulnerable and uncomfortable since I live alone. I also couldn't touch food during that time because of being scared of being seen eating (it would feel like a visible weakness to me and just embarrassing, I don't know), so I didn't anything until like 4pm which wasn't very recovery focused of me. After I handled that as much as I could, I finished packing but couldn't get my cat into his carrier. That was the most stressful thing of all honestly, because I hate it when he cries and growls at me and I felt so horrible trying to get him in it and he clawed and scratched me up really bad. After an hour of trying, I just had to leave him with a ton of food and water which was hard for me because I hate leaving him alone even though I know he'll be fine for a couple days☹️Finally made the 3 hour drive to my parents' house and the first thing I see when I walk in the door on the kitchen counter are two pies and one birthday cake (for my dad). Getting more and more nervous over these holidays😣😩
To eat or not to eat⁉️😓🌱 THAT is the recovery question that gets thrown around our own minds most. It’s something we ask ourselves, torn between whether or not we should/need to eat something at that moment. As a lady of science, when I get in this headspace my instinct is to go by the facts and calculate whether or not it’s necessary for me to have something more to eat, but this involves calorie counting which is yet again a disordered habit! So I thought I’d share a list I’ve created, of pros and cons if you like, which I have found helpful to turn to when deciding whether or not I should be eating something more.... If I eat:
• I will have energy ✨
• I will feel satisfied 👍🏻
• I will be able to focus and be present in life 🙇🏻♀️
• I will be moving forward in recovery 📈
• I will be challenging the voice in my head 🤔
• My body will learn to trust me and my metabolism will function properly 🏃🏻♂️
• The people who love me will STILL love me ❤️
• I will eventually stop judging my worth by how much I eat 👊🏻
If I don’t eat:
• I will be tired 😪
• I will be hungry 🍽
I will be irritable and anxious 🤦🏻♀️
• I will isolate myself from others ❌
• I will be damaging my body 👎🏻
• My digest system will slow down and I’ll have gas/constipation/bloating 💩
• My eating disorder voice will get louder 😈
• I will slip further into my eating disorder 🏥
• I will risk serious and permanent damage 💀
• Eventually I will die.... In summary: no matter how difficult it can be sometimes, it’s always better to eat than to not in recovery from a restrictive-type eating disorder. Your ED will try to find ways to convince you otherwise, but by referring back to the facts as listed above logic will always so out! It is called ‘recovery’ because it allows your body to recover from the stress and inconsistencies of eating which it has been suffering from over a period of time. The best way to do so is to reestablish a frequent and stable pattern of eating. This ensures the body receives adequate energy to both heal and replenish any damage caused by starvation, whilst still providing continuous function 💪🏻 Stay strong my loves ❤️
Guten Morgen #edfam 🌻
Habe recht gut geschlafen und Ihr? 🌿 Habe für die Schule auch etwas zu Essen mitgenommen, habe ich aber nicht abfotografiert 💁🏽
Ich weiß nicht warum, aber ich fühle mich schlecht, wenn ich zusätzliche Dinge esse, worauf ich keine Lust bzw. Appetit darauf habe.. Wie bei der Salami 😩 Klar schmeckt es mir und ich muss mich nicht zwingen, aber würde ich keine Kalorien zählen, hätte ich die Salami nicht gegessen, da ich auf Dinge verzichte, worauf ich keinen Appetit oder lust darauf habe 😒 Naja, genug geheule😜 Heute wird der Test geschrieben & ich schätze schon, dass ich es kann 💁🏽
Habe nach der Schule einen Kieferorthopäden Termin, motivation=null 😅
#frühstück#breakfast war übrigens Brot mit Frischkäse & Salami 🌹
Wünsche euch einen guten Start in den Tag🌞
Body dysmorphia will not control me. I will not allow it to. I will not spend my days imagining that I am growing at an exponential rate after eating any amount of food. I will not have my body image interfere with my enjoyment of life. I will WEAR what I WANT. I will LOVE who and how I WANT. I will LAUGH loudly and DANCE wildly. I will LIVE beautifully, regardless of the size of my waistline. 🏳️🌈 ❂ and it will be hard some days. But I promise myself I will try on the days that it's hard. Because those are the days I need to remember to love my body, and all that it allows me to do.