This is one of my most favorite songs from such a beautiful artist. If you’ve never listened to it please do. I find solace in it, I find strength in it, I find love in it, I find pain in it. **************
During my sauna session tonight this song came on and it made me think about how fortunate I am to have a body that is fighting along side me. Most of the time I feel betrayed by my body. That it hasn’t done the job it signed up for. That it’s failing me. But last night I was able to sweat a good sweat and tonight I sweat again. Might seem like a gross subject to bring up but hey, everybody sweats! Except it’s really hard for us Lymies and my body is finally holding up its end of the deal! ******************
We’re finally attacking the Lyme and Bartonella where oral medication has failed me. I’m herxing like crazy but I’m herxing and I’ve never herxed before. It’s a trial on my body and it’s painful and sometimes I can’t walk or breathe or stand. But my body is able to fight along side me now and it’s refreshing for the spirit. 💚
Yesterday is the first day that my entire family (husband, myself, two sons, and daughter-n-love) have ALL been able to get together and do anything, since my birthday at the beginning of this year. Someone is either always working or is not well. There is always a conflict. Yesterday, despite car issues and chronic illnesses we all persevered/made it! Once, I got home: my Hubby and I fell into bed. I passed out due to exhaustion. I had to wake up for my regular med time. I am just so grateful for my family and the love we have for one another. XOXOX #bigtex
Dressed up for a dinner date but after all the mishaps we ended up at Safeway. Dinner and stocking up. Okay, so we were shopping for well over an hour but we got about $200 worth of groceries for $106. If you really pay attention to their sales plus the Just4U app and the manager's specials, you can save even 75% off everything (which we hit once last year, usually we are between 50%-60% on average now). Two items on our receipt were completely free thanks to deals, in fact (a free wood-fired pepperoni pizza and free organic lentil soup). Sweet! Plus, hit the Friday special $5 off $50 AND the 30 cents off per gallon when you hit $100. Can't go wrong with that!
So it's 2:00 a.m. now 😬. I'm hurting all over and my skin hurts. Fibromyalgia is no fun folks. I mean, when your Skin hurts and nothing has happening to it ( ie. Burns, sunburn, cuts, bruises, wounds...) and your flesh & deep tissue aches so badly... Painsomnia. I do suffer chronically from insomnia and have my entire life. But when This happens, man is it a zinger LOL. I have to joke bc it's so miserable what else can you do to stay positive. #fibromyalgia#fibrowarrior#spoonie#invisibleillness#chronicillness#Endometriosis#endosister#endowarrior
Apple, pumpkin, peppermint tea.
From harvest fun with friends today, to #EMDR therapy this evening.
I'm wondering how it will balance when we delve into the boxes, covered in dust, marked do not open. Once a week for 53 minutes I will jump head first into the abyss and hope to stay afloat. I will tear the tape, "Fragile: handle with care," reach in, and grab the splintered glass of my past by the handful. I will bleed my deepest secrets in that dimly lit office. My inner child will scream out in pain while the mother in me feels inept to soothe her. I'll weep for her. She'll weep for me. And then I'll force my eyelids open to the present. To the woman in the chair across from me, smiling gently, reassuringly. And I'll go home.
How will I sleep that night? And cope for the next six days? Staying in the present and raising my kids. Smiling. Talking. Existing. ... She told me it will get worse before it gets better. I'm terrified. She told me I will need others to get through this time. I don't have "others" I have me. She told me I can do this. I doubt her. She told me it could save me. ... but don't I have to survive it first?
I'm terrified I'll rip these stitches open and then I'll bleed to death.
The weather has been all over the place lately which means I've been super POTSy so I've been rocking my @crazycompression compression socks!! I'm super excited to announce I'm an official Crazy Compression ambassador💕 I'm so stoked to be promoting a brand I love, I've been wearing their compression socks for over a year & the best thing is they are comfortable, supportive & aren't boring AF! They come in the wildest, cutest patterns & colours like this pink tie dye pair 💖💕 They have a 50% off sale on right now, I'd recommend checking it out! #crazyclan#crazycompression#compressionsocks#pink#tiedye#cute#legs#spoonie#chronicallyill#saturday#chronicillness#eds#pots#dysautonomia
Check out my stories to watch a quick Essential Oils 101 class. Remember to hold down the picture so you have time to read all the great information! I know you will fall in love with oils just like I have. If you are not currently using Young Living Essential Oils, will you tell me why? What is your main reason for not getting your Premium Starter Kit and starting your oily life? I’m super curious!
Probably a pretty good preview of what my future life is going to end up looking like at this pace. 41 years old with 6 herniations and 3 other bulges, bad degenerative disc disease, and more! Life sucks. Oh yah I just sneezed 5 times too prob going to pay for those sneezes for the next week with nerve pain... I got dealt the shit hand of the health life that's for sure. At least I'm still alive I suppose it could be worse.
An afternoon snack consisting of the bits and pieces I found in the fridge.
I recently bought some rice paper rolls because I liked the idea of a quick and easy ‘wrap’ that wouldn’t make me feel heavy after eating it.
These certainly delivered and I’ll be making them lots now that I know how amazing they taste! So simple to chop up any salad you may have in the fridge into matchsticks and add a dipping sauce - in my case it was sweet chilli. My tummy is definitely satisfied now 👍🏻
Ain't it the truth?! 🙌 Sorry I didn't have a look up for you guys today for 31 days of Halloween! I've had a really bad flare day / night which means couch and bed rest nearly all day 😒 hoping to be able to post some looks for you guys tomorrow! 😘 PS... We recently hit over 1k followers!!! I am beyond excited and so grateful for each and every one of you 💜 Giveaway coming soon! 🤗
We're all a little broken. Each and every one of us is a mosaic of all of our different pieces. It's okay. But don't you ever forget to forgive yourself like you do other people. Don't you ever forget to love yourself like you do others. Be gentle with yourself.
Going into #today I thought I had everything laid out perfectly to keep #anxiety low & sail thru my long errand list. #ocdsucks#agoraphobiasucks However, upon waking I just knew NOTHING was going to go as I NEEDED it to. The 1st stop was therapy. My session was by far the most difficult 1 I've EVER had with many tears. Feeling super lost & spinning I tried to manage the rest of what I had to. Relying on self to guide the way I stopped to see a good friend of mine. I met him through my Daddy well over a year ago as I was looking for a #tattooer I did all the online stalking I could but he has little to no footprint. I had to #trust my Daddy fully as I booked my first appt. Little did we know I would have nearly 20 hours of his #art in my skin & that we would have become friends. One thing about me is that I don't let people touch me as I don't want any unwelcome transfer of energies to occur. So the fact I have a small handful of artists who I allow to work on my #body is a miracle in & of itself. Each 1 of the 25 tattoos tell #mystory & hold deep #spiritual meaning. I know he's hardly on socials but I must say....Thank you Eric for always lifting my spirits, making me laugh, keeping me on my toes, giving the best hugs, understanding my vision, not judging my recovery process & becoming a #loyal#Tribe member. I look forward to so many more hours of ink time & a kick ass house party soon.
Day 21: My night routine.
Come home, eat dinner around 9:30, change into pajamas, wash my face:
Oil cleansers, normal cleanse, costs bha blackhead power liquid, wait 20 minutes, wash my hands, put on benzoyl peroxide, and finish off with a snail moisturizing cream.
Then, I gather up my pills, take them, hobble upstairs to bed, and try to sleep!
Thank you for all of the birthday love 😚 It feels so special to have made it through 21 years of life. I even got to celebrate with some delicious (allergen-friendly) mini cupcakes this year! Here's to hoping this is the start of a wonderful year filled with continued healing, growth, confidence, creation, strength, peace, love, connection, abundance, independence, fun, freedom, and happiness. Happy 21st birthday to me 💛
Thought you’d all like to see a photo of my ass...so here ya go, complete with a Scooby-Do bandaid compliments of a nurse who enjoyed stabbing me way too much. I’m still on the mend and trying really hard to be kind to myself. I’m not weak because of illness. Im not a bad mom or wife or friend because of illness and I can still love myself despite illness. And get this...so can you ✌🏼💜💪🏼🥄
The pain is evident on my face, I couldn't hide it this time. It's just steadily getting worse.
The good news is, I'm on vacation and got to visit the place I left my heart, @gktwvillage when I was a @makeawishamerica kid.