But to top it all fucking of, not only do I have my physical self, I loath everything else that makes me who I am, I’m so annoying and sensitive and hypocritical and never realistic and shit to be around, I expect too much, I just constantly piss people of and I don’t think I can think of anyone who is worse than myself. I genuinely feel sorry for the people who have to be around me I’m such a fucking waist of space , I just wish I was never fucking born lmao
This is just a sappy shoutout post (a belated trans awareness week post in a way). When I first came out I actually lost the followers who were following me as a “lesbian”. I felt like I was new to the trans community and hadn’t found my place. I was afraid I wouldn’t find a place here. But I came across many FtX and FtM Instagram accounts that I’ve followed for the past two years. I’ve found solace and strength in watching these people’s journeys to becoming more confident in their skin. We may not know each other personally, but many of us are mutuals & the support we all offer one another has kept me going, from kind words on a particularly dysphoric day, to donations to each other’s surgery funds. I’m so proud to be a part of this community and I’m so proud to have watched these guys grow. Thank you folks for being visible for me when I needed guidance 💉💪🏽 give em a follow if you’re not already, and anyone not mentioned *please drop a comment* so I and others can follow! // @Seethestarsablaze (Chris)
The other day I got misgendered and it really punches you in the stomach when you haven’t in in so long, and the worst part is I felt really good that day I thought I looked really masculine, I’m so self conscious about everything and it’s a big struggle, there’s been days where I’m unable to speak because I can’t face the own sound of my voice and I’m just so fucking fed up
Ugh I hate myself so much I’m so chubby I need to go to the gym but we haven’t got enough money yet and I have tried eating healthily and as well as Feeling so god damn dysphoric and I just can’t stand my own body and mind, why can’t I just function and do what others do instead of being like this
I wrote this back in 2015 when I first started my transition. I read it from time to time to remind myself that I’ve been down dark roads and I’ve fought my demons, I’m still fighting but I know one day I’ll feel 100% right in this body. I just gotta keep fighting every day, every minute I have to take a step back and think about “one day” “some day” because no matter how hard I fight I’m always going to have things that bring me down but as long as I can make it through the day I know I’m getting closer to my “some day”. My some day is filled with happiness, my some day is looking at myself in a mirror and loving what I see. I’ve come so far and I don’t want to feel like this forever. I know some day I will be okay. I know some day you will too. Please don’t give up on yourself and this life. Keep going because some day you will feel true happiness and you’ll become the person you are supposed to be. Keep going. .
embrace the 👽 . almost a year holy shit i can’t begin to believe it. so much has happened this year and so much more to do. at the start of transitioning i was not patient i was not happy with myself i was not aware of my journey to living authentic. my happiness was determined by me “passing” in regular society , every misgendered pronoun every miss every ma’am every she and her was a harsh reality. now almost a year later on the road to #authenticity ive realized so much and grew so much. the most important realization is FUCK WHAT ANYBODY THINKS. to truly believe this is the passage to happiness #wokeaf
Yesterday was a very productive day, I set off early and went long distances instead of using public transport to get to places I wanted to check out, bought Christmas gifts, fetched a few shirts(I didn't get the black one, had to replace it with my first ever baseball shirt). And late in the afternoon, I joined a torch march in honour of my homecountry's (Latvia's) 99th birthday with @stare.ski and @mijolite, then returned home quite late and stayed up until 3am. It was honestly a very fun day indeed!
Every day a little more I grow into feeling like myself and that is truly wonderful. Also consider this a PSA that I will be inactive on social media until 16 December due to having a packed overwhelming month coming up and barely enough time to do everything. But I love you all and can’t wait to hit then and become festive overload.