So I'm going to a wedding tonight and I had to wear a dress. The dress I wanted to wear is super fucking cute but I put it on and had a panic attack because I hated how it looked on me. It fit and everything but it's tight around the waist and I just couldn't. So now I am wearing a super flowy dress. Right now I'm so bloated and I hate it. I drank 120 ounces of water yesterday and I think that it partly to blame. I've also been fasting for 30 hours and I'm going to fast for much longer. Hopefully I can dance all night and burn so more calories. #depression#bipolar#anxiety#OCD#fasting#wannadie#panicattack#hateme
Sieht du nicht das ich dich brauche?? Ich will nicht ohne dich leben verdammt.. Ich will alles nicht ohne dich.. Du bist verdammt nochmal alles. Bitte verstehe das doch endlich. DU!!! Ich brauch dich ! Bitte ich flehe es tut mir so weh.. Verdammt ich habe uns damals zerstört dabei wollte ich doch nur dich für immer bei mir haben..
Ich vermisse dich jeden verdammten Tag.. Du bist mir so.wichtig.. Alles was ich brauche ist ein lächeln von dir.. Ich kann nicht ohne dich.. Ich konnte es nie.. Hörst du mich weinen? Hörst du mich zerbrechen?? 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
Went to a football game at my old school tonight. I was so fucking nervous about going I had a panic attack. The panic attack was from a mix of nerves and the fact that my mom was 30 minutes late getting home. These past 2 days have been shit. And all this just makes me want to never eat again. I'm so bad at restricting. And anytime I eat anymore I purge. My life is crumbling and I don't know how to not fake anymore so everyone thinks everything is okay. I told my guy best friend about me cutting and how in my mind I was making progress (instead of cutting deeper I just cut more smaller wounds) and he said "why did you tell me this?" And I don't know why I did. I'm just so sick of faking and holding it all in. Everything is not well.