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    Jana
    @janas_recovery_journey

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~ Not a Poem ~ „My eating disorder was not 
a poem. As much as I wanted, it
would not flow from line to line.
My eating disorder was no
dance, nor did it float, whisper or flirt. 
My eating disorder may not 
have killed me, but I could have died. 
I am alive, and my life
was my choice. I am alive,
and today I am strong.
I am alive, and perhaps 
that should be my poem“
~ Not a Poem ~ „My eating disorder was not a poem. As much as I wanted, it would not flow from line to line. My eating disorder was no dance, nor did it float, whisper or flirt. My eating disorder may not have killed me, but I could have died. I am alive, and my life was my choice. I am alive, and today I am strong. I am alive, and perhaps that should be my poem“
Hallo ihr Lieben 🙋🏼‍♀️
Das 🔝war mein Abendessen 💫 Flammkuchen mit Ziegenkäse, mariniertem Blattspinat, roten Trauben und Birne. Sowas hatte ich letzte Woche in einem Restaurant und dann hab ich’s nachgekocht. War wirklich lecker 😋 
Habt einen schönen Abend 🌆
Hallo ihr Lieben 🙋🏼‍♀️ Das 🔝war mein Abendessen 💫 Flammkuchen mit Ziegenkäse, mariniertem Blattspinat, roten Trauben und Birne. Sowas hatte ich letzte Woche in einem Restaurant und dann hab ich’s nachgekocht. War wirklich lecker 😋 Habt einen schönen Abend 🌆
HAPPY NEW YEAR 🎆
2018 will be full of joy, happiness and love 💫
HAPPY NEW YEAR 🎆 2018 will be full of joy, happiness and love 💫
Hello #edfam ♥️
I had lunch outside today and it was really challenging. I had a veggie burger again and fries besides. Guilt is sky high but I ignore #ana who says that this was too much and unhealthy. 
I had a great time with a lecturer of mine and that’s what’s important. You see ana is still there but I was never that free as I am for a couple of weeks now. I live a life again. You can make it. 💫
Hello #edfam  ♥️ I had lunch outside today and it was really challenging. I had a veggie burger again and fries besides. Guilt is sky high but I ignore #ana  who says that this was too much and unhealthy. I had a great time with a lecturer of mine and that’s what’s important. You see ana is still there but I was never that free as I am for a couple of weeks now. I live a life again. You can make it. 💫
Hallo #edfam 🌸
This 🔝was today‘s dinner 🍔 I‘m still in love with my veggie burger. And it also looks so good, doesn‘t it? 
I‘ll eat some ice cream later, actually I have ice cream everyday 🤭 And that‘s totally ok 💫
Hallo #edfam  🌸 This 🔝was today‘s dinner 🍔 I‘m still in love with my veggie burger. And it also looks so good, doesn‘t it? I‘ll eat some ice cream later, actually I have ice cream everyday 🤭 And that‘s totally ok 💫
Hello #edfamily 🌸
I haven‘t been active for many weeks because #ana is really weak at the moment. Of course there are days that are hard, but most of the time I‘m ok with it. I‘m still struggling with my #bodyimage but I can deal with it. I have to accept my weight gain to fully #recover 💫
I try to focus on university, my job, family, my friends. I know that I‘ll survive bad days. Sometimes I feel like that it‘s not worth the daily fight but it really is. I can eat whatever I want, I don‘t have to do sports if I don’t want to, I can feel happiness again. 
It really isn‘t easy but it‘s so worth it. Don‘t give up 🌸

There 🔝 you can see a photo of yesterday‘s trip to the forest 🌲 Who else loves trees? 
Merry Christmas💫
Hello #edfamily  🌸 I haven‘t been active for many weeks because #ana  is really weak at the moment. Of course there are days that are hard, but most of the time I‘m ok with it. I‘m still struggling with my #bodyimage  but I can deal with it. I have to accept my weight gain to fully #recover  💫 I try to focus on university, my job, family, my friends. I know that I‘ll survive bad days. Sometimes I feel like that it‘s not worth the daily fight but it really is. I can eat whatever I want, I don‘t have to do sports if I don’t want to, I can feel happiness again. It really isn‘t easy but it‘s so worth it. Don‘t give up 🌸 There 🔝 you can see a photo of yesterday‘s trip to the forest 🌲 Who else loves trees? Merry Christmas💫
@recovering.janine is here 🙌🏼 I love her so much and I'm so lucky to call her my friend ♥️ We're at a restaurant and that 🔝was my #dinner 
Huge and challenging but there is no progress without pushing yourself 💪🏼 I hope you're doing great and never give up ♥️
@recovering.janine is here 🙌🏼 I love her so much and I'm so lucky to call her my friend ♥️ We're at a restaurant and that 🔝was my #dinner  Huge and challenging but there is no progress without pushing yourself 💪🏼 I hope you're doing great and never give up ♥️
Hello! I'm so sorry for being inactive and for not answering but my mind is just a mess right now. I'll post an update soon but for now: Keep fighting and don't give up! ♥️
Hello! I'm so sorry for being inactive and for not answering but my mind is just a mess right now. I'll post an update soon but for now: Keep fighting and don't give up! ♥️
Traurig sein ist ok. Angst zu haben ist ok. Nur aufgeben, aufgeben ist nicht ok.
Traurig sein ist ok. Angst zu haben ist ok. Nur aufgeben, aufgeben ist nicht ok.
"I think that little by little I'll be able to solve my problems and survive" ~ Frida Kahlo
"I think that little by little I'll be able to solve my problems and survive" ~ Frida Kahlo
Hi 🙋🏼
Heute gab es für mich nach einem anstrengenden Tag Chai Latte ☕️ Ich hatte ein sehr gutes Gespräch mit meiner Therapeutin, sie ist so wundervoll 💫 Ich bin ihr echt dankbar. 
Ich kämpfe gerade sehr mit mir; Loslassen ist wirklich schwer. Kennt das noch jemand? Habt Ihr auch Schwierigkeiten Euch von Eurer Krankheit zu verabschieden? 
Sich eine neue Identität aufzubauen? Wenn irgendjemand eine Idee hat wie man das schaffen kann, bitte raus damit 🙌🏼
Alles Liebe ♥️
Hi 🙋🏼 Heute gab es für mich nach einem anstrengenden Tag Chai Latte ☕️ Ich hatte ein sehr gutes Gespräch mit meiner Therapeutin, sie ist so wundervoll 💫 Ich bin ihr echt dankbar. Ich kämpfe gerade sehr mit mir; Loslassen ist wirklich schwer. Kennt das noch jemand? Habt Ihr auch Schwierigkeiten Euch von Eurer Krankheit zu verabschieden? Sich eine neue Identität aufzubauen? Wenn irgendjemand eine Idee hat wie man das schaffen kann, bitte raus damit 🙌🏼 Alles Liebe ♥️
Sunday's #dinner 🔝 was Ciabatta Italia 🙌🏼 Recovery can be freaking hard. It takes so much energy. You have to be stronger than your inner demons. Sometimes I just want to starve and cut myself again to cope with all that negativity and hopelessness inside of me. I try to remember that there is hope, that I'll win this fight no matter what. But I want to be honest with you, I'm really having a tough time. I'm struggling with letting go. But that's ok. Every feeling is ok. So long as you never give up. Some day we'll be free. Until then we keep fighting 💫
Sunday's #dinner  🔝 was Ciabatta Italia 🙌🏼 Recovery can be freaking hard. It takes so much energy. You have to be stronger than your inner demons. Sometimes I just want to starve and cut myself again to cope with all that negativity and hopelessness inside of me. I try to remember that there is hope, that I'll win this fight no matter what. But I want to be honest with you, I'm really having a tough time. I'm struggling with letting go. But that's ok. Every feeling is ok. So long as you never give up. Some day we'll be free. Until then we keep fighting 💫
Today's highlight: Frozen Yogurt 🔝 
Lieben Dank für Eure wunderbaren Worte und Ratschläge gestern. Ihr seid toll 💫 
Ich habe momentan so große Selbstzweifel und fühle mich echt einsam #heimwehiscalling 
Hier ist verkaufsoffener Sonntag und deshalb war ich erstmal einkaufen und habe mich selber beschenkt. Heute Abend gehe ich noch mit mir essen und dann wird ein Wellnessabend gemacht #selbstfürsorgeundso 
Morgen ist das Wochenende endlich vorbei und hier auch wieder mehr los. Verrückt, zu Hause ist Wochenende das Größte für mich 🤔
Macht es gut meine Lieben ♥️
Today's highlight: Frozen Yogurt 🔝 Lieben Dank für Eure wunderbaren Worte und Ratschläge gestern. Ihr seid toll 💫 Ich habe momentan so große Selbstzweifel und fühle mich echt einsam #heimwehiscalling  Hier ist verkaufsoffener Sonntag und deshalb war ich erstmal einkaufen und habe mich selber beschenkt. Heute Abend gehe ich noch mit mir essen und dann wird ein Wellnessabend gemacht #selbstfürsorgeundso  Morgen ist das Wochenende endlich vorbei und hier auch wieder mehr los. Verrückt, zu Hause ist Wochenende das Größte für mich 🤔 Macht es gut meine Lieben ♥️
Hello wonderful people 🙋🏼
Heute habe ich es wieder auf die harte Tour gelernt: Es ist so wichtig auf die eigenen Bedürfnisse zu hören. Wir dürfen Nein sagen. Wir dürfen Stop sagen. Und wir dürfen auch sagen, ich möchte keine Zeit mit Dir verbringen. Das ist nicht nur in Ordnung, sondern notwendig. Nur wie lernt man das? 
Kennt das jemand, kann noch jemand seine eigenen Bedürfnisse nicht durchsetzen? Oder habt Ihr Tipps, wie man das lernen kann? Ich bin da wirklich ratlos 🤔

Naja, genug gejammert, ich hatte dafür heute ein wunderbares Mittagessen. Flammkuchen mit Tomate Mozzarella und Basilikumpesto 🙌🏼 Sehr, sehr lecker und tatsächlich mein Highlight des Tages 😅

Viel Liebe an Euch ♥️
Hello wonderful people 🙋🏼 Heute habe ich es wieder auf die harte Tour gelernt: Es ist so wichtig auf die eigenen Bedürfnisse zu hören. Wir dürfen Nein sagen. Wir dürfen Stop sagen. Und wir dürfen auch sagen, ich möchte keine Zeit mit Dir verbringen. Das ist nicht nur in Ordnung, sondern notwendig. Nur wie lernt man das? Kennt das jemand, kann noch jemand seine eigenen Bedürfnisse nicht durchsetzen? Oder habt Ihr Tipps, wie man das lernen kann? Ich bin da wirklich ratlos 🤔 Naja, genug gejammert, ich hatte dafür heute ein wunderbares Mittagessen. Flammkuchen mit Tomate Mozzarella und Basilikumpesto 🙌🏼 Sehr, sehr lecker und tatsächlich mein Highlight des Tages 😅 Viel Liebe an Euch ♥️
Nicht schön, aber selten! Ein Schnappschuss eines echten Lächelns! _______________________

I'll win this battle no matter what. Yes, gaining weight is hard. Yes, I feel super fat sometimes. Yes, sometimes I wanna be that super skinny girl again. Yes, some memories haunt me. And yes, I'm struggling. Sometimes I'm just scared. But you know what? I don't listen. I just keep fighting. Sometimes you have to keep going and stop thinking. Cause it's just worth it. And I'm starting to believe that recovery is not just worth it, but it's possible. #recovery is possible for all of us. Anorexia, bulimia, self harm, depression, anxiety - we're stronger than that demons. 
____________________ Ich habe hier gelernt, dass vieles möglich ist. Aber ich zweifle noch, ob alles möglich ist. Heute hatte ich ein sehr gutes Gespräch mit einer Therapeutin von der Jugendstation. Das hat richtig gut getan. Und vielleicht, vielleicht ist doch alles möglich. Danke für Ihr offenes Ohr @frau_schneider_ Jetzt wird gekämpft #recoveryispossible
Nicht schön, aber selten! Ein Schnappschuss eines echten Lächelns! _______________________ I'll win this battle no matter what. Yes, gaining weight is hard. Yes, I feel super fat sometimes. Yes, sometimes I wanna be that super skinny girl again. Yes, some memories haunt me. And yes, I'm struggling. Sometimes I'm just scared. But you know what? I don't listen. I just keep fighting. Sometimes you have to keep going and stop thinking. Cause it's just worth it. And I'm starting to believe that recovery is not just worth it, but it's possible. #recovery  is possible for all of us. Anorexia, bulimia, self harm, depression, anxiety - we're stronger than that demons. ____________________ Ich habe hier gelernt, dass vieles möglich ist. Aber ich zweifle noch, ob alles möglich ist. Heute hatte ich ein sehr gutes Gespräch mit einer Therapeutin von der Jugendstation. Das hat richtig gut getan. Und vielleicht, vielleicht ist doch alles möglich. Danke für Ihr offenes Ohr @frau_schneider_ Jetzt wird gekämpft #recoveryispossible 
“I am beginning to measure myself in strength, not pounds. Sometimes in smiles.” ~ Laurie Halse Anderson
“I am beginning to measure myself in strength, not pounds. Sometimes in smiles.” ~ Laurie Halse Anderson
IT'S BURGERTIME 🍔
I'm at home for three days and this was today's #dinner 🔝 
I'm allowed to stay in the clinic, I'm so relieved. Thank you for your support! You helped me a lot ♥️
I'll give you an update soon but for now I try to enjoy the time with my cats 🐱 
Have a good evening 🌙
IT'S BURGERTIME 🍔 I'm at home for three days and this was today's #dinner  🔝 I'm allowed to stay in the clinic, I'm so relieved. Thank you for your support! You helped me a lot ♥️ I'll give you an update soon but for now I try to enjoy the time with my cats 🐱 Have a good evening 🌙
Hello #edfam 🙋🏼
This 🔝 was Saturday's #lunch 🍴
At first I want to say thank you to @n_i_n_a_s_w_a_y @my_way_to_recover @helenasmia @back_to_myself_again @lexigrowsstrong @staystrong_._2015 @sabrini.suessundsalzig @anannarecovery @princess_of_life2017 @lousrecovery @laura_fights_against_ana @reallifewithed @gedanken_karussel @ben_and_jerrys_daughter @aboutjohanna @angelinasophie90 @healthyfoodatmosphere @brunchwithbella @tinabeatsana @laurasjourney_food @healing.lina @soultinker for your lovely comments. Sorry for not answering. The last days were just incredibly hard... But be sure that your words still mean a lot to me and give me strength to keep fighting. 
My cats are really sick right know and I pray for them to survive. You know, my cats aren't just animals to me. They are my family, my friends, my little babies. I love them so much. My heart is breaking right now. I just don't know how to deal with it. 
My therapist told me today that I have to leave the clinic. I've tried to convince the conduct that I'm allowed to stay but I don't think that this will work out. I'm really desperate right know. Everything is crashing down.
Hello #edfam  🙋🏼 This 🔝 was Saturday's #lunch  🍴 At first I want to say thank you to @n_i_n_a_s_w_a_y @my_way_to_recover @helenasmia @back_to_myself_again @lexigrowsstrong @staystrong_._2015 @sabrini.suessundsalzig @anannarecovery @princess_of_life2017 @lousrecovery @laura_fights_against_ana @reallifewithed @gedanken_karussel @ben_and_jerrys_daughter @aboutjohanna @angelinasophie90 @healthyfoodatmosphere @brunchwithbella @tinabeatsana @laurasjourney_food @healing.lina @soultinker for your lovely comments. Sorry for not answering. The last days were just incredibly hard... But be sure that your words still mean a lot to me and give me strength to keep fighting. My cats are really sick right know and I pray for them to survive. You know, my cats aren't just animals to me. They are my family, my friends, my little babies. I love them so much. My heart is breaking right now. I just don't know how to deal with it. My therapist told me today that I have to leave the clinic. I've tried to convince the conduct that I'm allowed to stay but I don't think that this will work out. I'm really desperate right know. Everything is crashing down.