- Tulips by the window -
My goal with all this, with the Solomon Rude thing, with the long texts, with the continual pattern of uploads (at least I try to have them continual). All this is so that you, you the beholder, can get to know me. Even if we've never met, and even if you're from a completely different cultural background, I want you to be able to get to know me from my texts and artwork. I don't want to tell you how the art is suppose to feel, I just want you to know what I felt, and what I saw, so that you too can see it all! A lot of artists only present their work, and stay very quiet about all the rest. I think it's important to be quiet about the art itself, for as I said, the emotions felt by the beholder needs to be their own reactions, and not directed by me, the artist. But I think it's also important to share, to give, and to include you, the beholder into my world, so that you can see things from my eyes! That's how I want to provoke emotion.
Okay so I'll ramble a bit in this episode of 'thoughts by Felix' haha, anyway this piece is called 'the director'. Enjoy.
•••••••••••••• Emptiness, what is that? When there's a hole in your chest an nothing affects you, is that emptiness? I suppose it is, but somehow I experience that feeling with volume. I mean, the hole is there. And if I'm really dissecting it, maybe it's not a hole after all. Maybe it's more of a blanket, that's wrapped around your emotional being. But if we would stick to calling it a hole, doesn't the fact that we sense the hole, mean that at least something is there, even if it's an absence of other things, the absence is still present. I guess what I'm aiming at is this; it's never quiet. It's never empty. It's never still. Isn't that somewhat amazing. Let's stack it up; first of all where self aware super computers, inside a ship of meat that can do almost everything we can imagine. We create things, we doubt, we attach ourselves to things, we believe, we argue, we gamble, we can sense beauty, we can create beauty. We can look at the things around us and not only see the patterns, but realize their perfection. I can go on and on, and all this, is happening constantly, every second of our lives. It's never quiet. Never still. It's like a constant ocean inside us. Some of us it rips apart. Some of us it scares us into running. And some of us embraces it, some of us lives in there, some of us explores this ocean. What is life all about? I don't know the answer to that question, I'm not going to pretend like I do, I believe it's a subjective matter. But I simply can't imagine the answer for any human being that seeks to be happy, to be to run.
I've decided to call this one; Passenger.
There's only a couple of details I have to finish, then it'll finally be done.
When the thought of this painting was born, so was a process of an updated understanding of what I need to express.
In previous times, I have concluded which way to go, by determining which ways are bad. This has been necessary, but it's not an optimal way of reaching an understanding.
I have now instead started to wonder, what do I feel the need to express? What do the people around me need? What do the times I live in crave for?
The answer to these questions should be my direction.
I have therefore developed a sort of expression that combines the emotional reality with the visual reality. Creating a more realistic depiction of reality than ever before. For I believe that to be the issue, there's a misunderstanding regarding reality. Reality is not simply what we can see touch of hear, it's not simply what is around us. Reality also involves what is inside us. Only when they both meet, a true depiction of reality can be achieved.
I've been away in Paris for the last couple of days! I'm exited to get my painting routine back on track (the only obstacle is all the "real work" that I also need to manage).
Painting this figure has been an interesting experience. It has changed a lot since the thought was planted (The 1st picture is the finished figure, the other two are stages of its progression). It started as a dark lump,and step by step I tried to extract its shape, like the sculptor with his clay almost. Slowly it took shape. These so many things that has happened to me these last couple of months. I've seen mountains of sand, and I've been dragging myself through the dirt. Revelations and decapitations. It's funny, because even though I've been thinking, day and night, on the subjects of my heart; I feel no smarter. But it has changed me though. If anything I feel alive in a sense I didn't used to.
..so the painting: it slowly took shape, and just as it was finished I saw the similarities. You know when you give the wheel to your subconscious you'll always end up with a suppressed truth about yourself. This time what's no exception. When I had finished the painting I saw that it was me. It was a self-portrait.