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  • yearofself
    marq milagros
    @yearofself

Images by yearofself

God will protect you before the ship has sailed, and before the ship has sunken. I am beginning to realize I am removed from things that are not for me in order that I might get to where I am supposed to be.

#lessonslearned #yearofme #yearofself
God will protect you before the ship has sailed, and before the ship has sunken. I am beginning to realize I am removed from things that are not for me in order that I might get to where I am supposed to be. #lessonslearned  #yearofme  #yearofself 
So there comes a time in your post-relationship status where you delete all of the evidence that the relationship even existed i.e. pictures ๐Ÿ˜‚ Yeah, just did that. The great feeling is knowing that the other person was the exact opposite of a digital hoarder, thus making the relationship definitely non-existent by the time I deleted the last byte then proceeded to delete the deleted from the trash.  Moving on requires letting go and cutting ties, physical, emotional, digital, and anything else. I did, however, keep the database of the fur babies. They will never be deleted from my heart. ๐Ÿ•๐Ÿถ .
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Among the other photos I found were ones from my very first selfie shoot at the airbnb I stayed at during my very first days of training for my Maryland job. Those days were so incredibly difficult yet so incredibly exciting. I am coming up on a year next month of when I left my job. Almost a year in Maryland. #grateful 
#yearofself #yearofme #movingon
So there comes a time in your post-relationship status where you delete all of the evidence that the relationship even existed i.e. pictures ๐Ÿ˜‚ Yeah, just did that. The great feeling is knowing that the other person was the exact opposite of a digital hoarder, thus making the relationship definitely non-existent by the time I deleted the last byte then proceeded to delete the deleted from the trash. Moving on requires letting go and cutting ties, physical, emotional, digital, and anything else. I did, however, keep the database of the fur babies. They will never be deleted from my heart. ๐Ÿ•๐Ÿถ . . Among the other photos I found were ones from my very first selfie shoot at the airbnb I stayed at during my very first days of training for my Maryland job. Those days were so incredibly difficult yet so incredibly exciting. I am coming up on a year next month of when I left my job. Almost a year in Maryland. #grateful  #yearofself  #yearofme  #movingon 
7 days of bw. Artist @fork_artist 
#wearableart #heartring
7 days of bw.
7 days of bw.
7days bw.

Photo credit @dancingsunnproductions
7days bw. Photo credit @dancingsunnproductions
Phone is crazy. Catching up with 7 days bw
Phone is crazy. Catching up with 7 days bw
7 days of bw
7 days of bw
I am still trying to come to terms with how much anxiety the last five years of life has generated. I remember my first ever anxiety attack: when I was trying to figure out how to pay my undergrad tuition bill. .
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My anxiety attacks were few and far in between but then began to occur at least once a year during insinuating circumstances. Now they occur more frequently. A simple thought or situation can trigger chest pains, elevated heart rate, shortness of breath, etc. .
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I never thought I'd be THAT person. But here I am using breathing exercises, mellowing myself out to get to the core of what is causing the physical reactions. .
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I often feel like adulthood is a curse; like the older you get, the more trauma you are exposed to, the more fear is instilled until it paralyzes you. What happened to our fearless beings? When hope was endless? It seems like life beats the crap out of you to see what it will take to break your spirit...for if it can break your spirit, you will never carry out your purpose. If you are beaten and broken, you may never be able to see the beauty. If you are bruised and scarred, maybe you will give up hope. .
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But even when you fold, even when you feel like you succumb to the beat-down, the fact that you are still alive means that you are winning, the fact that you are still failing, means you're still trying. The fact that you are still hoping is because you've seen hopelessness. So regardless of what your life does or doesn't resemble you've made it. Whether you've literally been beat down or figuratively, you've survived. That's amazing. .
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#yearofself #yearofme
I am still trying to come to terms with how much anxiety the last five years of life has generated. I remember my first ever anxiety attack: when I was trying to figure out how to pay my undergrad tuition bill. . . . My anxiety attacks were few and far in between but then began to occur at least once a year during insinuating circumstances. Now they occur more frequently. A simple thought or situation can trigger chest pains, elevated heart rate, shortness of breath, etc. . . I never thought I'd be THAT person. But here I am using breathing exercises, mellowing myself out to get to the core of what is causing the physical reactions. . . I often feel like adulthood is a curse; like the older you get, the more trauma you are exposed to, the more fear is instilled until it paralyzes you. What happened to our fearless beings? When hope was endless? It seems like life beats the crap out of you to see what it will take to break your spirit...for if it can break your spirit, you will never carry out your purpose. If you are beaten and broken, you may never be able to see the beauty. If you are bruised and scarred, maybe you will give up hope. . . . But even when you fold, even when you feel like you succumb to the beat-down, the fact that you are still alive means that you are winning, the fact that you are still failing, means you're still trying. The fact that you are still hoping is because you've seen hopelessness. So regardless of what your life does or doesn't resemble you've made it. Whether you've literally been beat down or figuratively, you've survived. That's amazing. . . . #yearofself  #yearofme 
Small cheat since it's technically after midnight and the next day. Day 2 of 7 days if bw
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#bwphoto
Small cheat since it's technically after midnight and the next day. Day 2 of 7 days if bw . . #bwphoto 
7 days of bw. .
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#bwphoto #dogsofinstagram
Anyone who knows me knows that I have some pretty crazy dreams. The other night was no different. I dreamed about being on a train that was going to crash and derail. I would have chalked it up to another crazy thing but one of the women on my car risked her life to detach our car from the rest of the train so that we would still derail but at a much slower speed with minimal injury. Who does that? So it got me thinking about whether or not this had any deeper meaning. .
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Tonight I remembered to research derailment meanings and found many truths in some of the interpretations including feeling like I have had a series of set backs. What stood out the most though was one woman's interpretation about how trains are supposed to be under control and the fact that it isn't means that there has been a huge violation of trust and a epic failure. She (and my dream) articulated those things I have been feeling for the past year and a half but haven't been able to express. Feeling like someone critical in your life has dropped the ball, throwing everything else into disorder is devastating. They have essentially derailed your life.
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But the flip side of the interpretation is learning how to live life outside of the rails. Learning a new way of living that is less restricted. Coming up with a whole new strategy to continue the journey. .
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So if you feel like you have been derailed the journey is far from over. It just means you have to find another way. Delay is not denial. It also means forgiving those who failed cataclysmically. .
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#smalltruths #dreaminterpretation #lifejourney #yearofself #yearofme #derailed
Anyone who knows me knows that I have some pretty crazy dreams. The other night was no different. I dreamed about being on a train that was going to crash and derail. I would have chalked it up to another crazy thing but one of the women on my car risked her life to detach our car from the rest of the train so that we would still derail but at a much slower speed with minimal injury. Who does that? So it got me thinking about whether or not this had any deeper meaning. . . Tonight I remembered to research derailment meanings and found many truths in some of the interpretations including feeling like I have had a series of set backs. What stood out the most though was one woman's interpretation about how trains are supposed to be under control and the fact that it isn't means that there has been a huge violation of trust and a epic failure. She (and my dream) articulated those things I have been feeling for the past year and a half but haven't been able to express. Feeling like someone critical in your life has dropped the ball, throwing everything else into disorder is devastating. They have essentially derailed your life. . . But the flip side of the interpretation is learning how to live life outside of the rails. Learning a new way of living that is less restricted. Coming up with a whole new strategy to continue the journey. . . So if you feel like you have been derailed the journey is far from over. It just means you have to find another way. Delay is not denial. It also means forgiving those who failed cataclysmically. . . #smalltruths  #dreaminterpretation  #lifejourney  #yearofself  #yearofme  #derailed 
Yassss! The sooner the better. Let that ish go! Such freedom comes from letting go of things, people, and places not meant for you.

#yearofme #yearofself #freedom #letitgo
Yassss! The sooner the better. Let that ish go! Such freedom comes from letting go of things, people, and places not meant for you. #yearofme  #yearofself  #freedom  #letitgo 
Trying to maintain a positive attitude isn't easy, but isn't impossible. I am glad I am getting back to a place where I am seeing the positive aspects of even my frustrations. Today, even with three cents to my name, I went down a list all of the things that I have to be grateful for. I am so glad I am where am right now. It has taken some fighting to get here but I am finding the beauty in the journey. .
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#blessed #gratitude #thankfulness #yearofself #yearofme #perseverance #endurance #positiveattitude #positivevibes
Trying to maintain a positive attitude isn't easy, but isn't impossible. I am glad I am getting back to a place where I am seeing the positive aspects of even my frustrations. Today, even with three cents to my name, I went down a list all of the things that I have to be grateful for. I am so glad I am where am right now. It has taken some fighting to get here but I am finding the beauty in the journey. . . . #blessed  #gratitude  #thankfulness  #yearofself  #yearofme  #perseverance  #endurance  #positiveattitude  #positivevibes 
One of my friends said that I looked so much lighter. It was because I stopped carrying a burden that I was never meant to carry. The old saying goes that God doesn't give us more than we can bear BUT what they fail to say is that we give ourselves responsibilities we were never meant to carry then wonder why we are so miserable. 
#burden #lightweight #yearofme #yearofself
One of my friends said that I looked so much lighter. It was because I stopped carrying a burden that I was never meant to carry. The old saying goes that God doesn't give us more than we can bear BUT what they fail to say is that we give ourselves responsibilities we were never meant to carry then wonder why we are so miserable. #burden  #lightweight  #yearofme  #yearofself 
It seems like everyday I am reminded of my infinite worth and value.  Reminders are great encouragement. I think of Ms. Badu's song lyrics "don't abuse me 'cuz these pearls are rare." Know your worth.

#smallreminders #erykahbadu #rarefind #knowyourworth
It seems like everyday I am reminded of my infinite worth and value. Reminders are great encouragement. I think of Ms. Badu's song lyrics "don't abuse me 'cuz these pearls are rare." Know your worth. #smallreminders  #erykahbadu  #rarefind  #knowyourworth 
I started this page with posting Oja, the orisha of transformation. Today I am reminded that grief, growth, and almost everything in life is a process. This has been by far one of the longest periods of purging and purification I have ever had. .
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But I think it is only because there are very few times in my life where I have given myself the opportunity time and space to grieve for the miniscule to the significant. .
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There are very few times I have completely paused and focused on myself. Maybe that's why so many people are screwed up: we aren't a society that gives space to grieve. We are told to suck it up and keep busy so that we can keep moving forward. We are told that the past is the past. .
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But what if we allowed ourselves to rest with our emotions? What if we actually processed what we were feeling? What if we gave ourselves as long as we needed before we moved on and got back to life as usual? I would imagine we'd be more whole. We would love with healed hearts instead of broken ones.
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#brokenness #brokenhearted #transformation #oja #purging #refine #griefandoss #savingspace
I started this page with posting Oja, the orisha of transformation. Today I am reminded that grief, growth, and almost everything in life is a process. This has been by far one of the longest periods of purging and purification I have ever had. . . But I think it is only because there are very few times in my life where I have given myself the opportunity time and space to grieve for the miniscule to the significant. . . There are very few times I have completely paused and focused on myself. Maybe that's why so many people are screwed up: we aren't a society that gives space to grieve. We are told to suck it up and keep busy so that we can keep moving forward. We are told that the past is the past. . . But what if we allowed ourselves to rest with our emotions? What if we actually processed what we were feeling? What if we gave ourselves as long as we needed before we moved on and got back to life as usual? I would imagine we'd be more whole. We would love with healed hearts instead of broken ones. . . #brokenness  #brokenhearted  #transformation  #oja  #purging  #refine  #griefandoss  #savingspace 
Take care of your inner, spiritual beauty. That will reflect in your face. -Dolores Del Rio

#qotd #doloresdelrio #innerbeauty #yearofself #yearofme
Another seemingly innocent thing today pushed me into the realm of anxiety. I think after the whirlwind that has been the last year and a half, the feelings and emotions are finally catching up to the present. But despite a mini anxiety attack, I also celebrated because I was able to articulate what I was feeling and why at lighting speed: something I had greatly struggled with in the past. .
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I acknowledged the magnitude of my feelings, knowing that is something I have to sort out at the appropriate time, not minimizing, being completely honest about how was feeling. .
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And despite the mini anxiety attack, I was giggling uncontrollably 10 minutes later after summarizing my feelings in a series of hashtags including this one pictured here. Going through the ish I have been through has definitely been whack. But like one of the quotes on my vision board says: "expect change, love the transformation." Despite life feeling like it's been an endless transitioning lately, I am learning to laugh in the process. The last two dates I have been remembering the moth that first greeted me when I moved into my apartment: moths are even more incredible than butterflies because they embrace their transformation in the darkness. .
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#transformation #growth #yearofself #yearofme #visionboard #anxietyattack #whack #beentheredonethat
Another seemingly innocent thing today pushed me into the realm of anxiety. I think after the whirlwind that has been the last year and a half, the feelings and emotions are finally catching up to the present. But despite a mini anxiety attack, I also celebrated because I was able to articulate what I was feeling and why at lighting speed: something I had greatly struggled with in the past. . . I acknowledged the magnitude of my feelings, knowing that is something I have to sort out at the appropriate time, not minimizing, being completely honest about how was feeling. . . And despite the mini anxiety attack, I was giggling uncontrollably 10 minutes later after summarizing my feelings in a series of hashtags including this one pictured here. Going through the ish I have been through has definitely been whack. But like one of the quotes on my vision board says: "expect change, love the transformation." Despite life feeling like it's been an endless transitioning lately, I am learning to laugh in the process. The last two dates I have been remembering the moth that first greeted me when I moved into my apartment: moths are even more incredible than butterflies because they embrace their transformation in the darkness. . . #transformation  #growth  #yearofself  #yearofme  #visionboard  #anxietyattack  #whack  #beentheredonethat